A Series of Strange Events
by Drixia
Summary: The Akatsuki are mysteriously turned into kittens and sent to our world! A 17 year old girl finds them and decides to keep them. She and her mother somehow change them back to their true forms. Chaos reigns supreme in this house. Humorous until about Chpt. 13! Completed, and currently revising this 2 year old story AND working on a sequel. Keep an eye out.
1. Kittens, kittens, and MORE kittens!

A Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter One: Kittens, kittens, and MORE kittens!

**Authoress' Note**

So this is my first fanfiction. So please be kind with the reviews, and no flames. I know there are several stories like this –where the Akatsuki are magically kittens and an OC finds them blah, blah, blah. Hopefully this will be different from most. For one there will be **no romance** with canon characters. Two, my OC is actually based largely on me, as well as any other OC's. I.E; my mom was inspiration for the mom in this story. I actually sat down and asked her how she'd react and whatnot. Thirdly, my mom will be in here; mostly to make it realistic. Since most fanfictions have the parents just running off on random month long vacations. That is all.

Much love, D.

**Disclaime****r**

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I **do** **not**, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

**Rating **

Rated T for language

**Warning! **

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be **A LOT** of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

**Special Thanks**

To my dear friend **.L** who very kindly took the time to help me edit this story for any errors. ^ ω ^ Love you! Thank you once more.

* * *

><p><em><span>POV – Third Person<span>_

"What the fuck?" A loud voice erupted from a large brown box.

Closer inspection showed that there were a total of ten small kittens; all varying in different sizes and colors. The one that had vulgarly shouted was silver. His lavender eyes burned with anger.

"Why the hell am I covered in hair?" The kitten inspected himself, standing on his hind legs holding out a small paw/arm. The kitten beside him scowled. His frown was intensified due to the stitches across his mouth. In fact, his whole tan body was covered in similar stitches.

"That would be because we're kittens; and it's not hair. It's called fur," He elaborated for his partner.

"Shut the fuck up Kakuzu. Go eat a dick (**1**)." Kakuzu narrowed his pupil-less green eyes, "Hidan…" An all orange cat suddenly hissed in warning, "Cease this foolish bickering."

This was obviously the leader.

He was one of the strangest cats by far. He had orange fur, strange circled eyes, and piercings strewn around his body.

"Now," he addressed the whole group, "Any thoughts on why we are suddenly felines?"

"I believe I know," the monotone answer from a red haired kitten. His brown eyes were inspecting the whole group, "This must have something to do with the smoke bomb."

It suddenly made sense to everyone.

Minutes before they were small, furry kittens; they were in their lair. They had received a package, and Tobi had opened it showering everyone in a mist.

"Stupid Tobi, un. Always have to mess everything up," a blonde kitten glared at Tobi. The cat in question was all black and had a swirl of orange on his face, "Don't be so mean Deidara-Sempai!" The small kitten had a wave of tears erupting from his eyes. It would have been comical, but the situation put a downer on the comedic factor.

"I'll show you mean," his blue-grey eyes narrowed, a vein popped up on his forehead. Then he leapt in the air, only to be knocked down by his master, "Ow… that hurt Danna."

"You're draining my patience brat," Sasori just wanted to get out of the box and into his normal body.

Suddenly the box was unsteadily dragged, and a face popped into the kittens view.

_POV – First Person_

"Well hello there," I smiled.

Boy was this odd. Ten strange kittens all piled in a big brown box.

"Hmmm…you'll die of starvation or hypothermia if I leave you out here, but if I bring you inside, I risk mom being an ass." I held out two hands and began lifting them up and down, as if I were weighing something.

"Leave you to die," I moved my hands, "Take you inside."

The kittens only stared at me. Then a black and orange one ran toward me, only to be stopped by a wall of cardboard. I giggled at the kitten, while the blonde one attempted to tackle it. I thwacked the blonde one on the head, "Don't be a bitch."

I swear it glared at me. A few kittens even looked like they were laughing, mainly a silver one and a big blue one. A red one seemed to smirk, if that was even possible for a kitten.

I picked up the black one, inspecting its strange swirly orange face. "Well aren't you a cutie pie. I think you're going to be my favorite." It mewed at me and licked my face. I think it agreed with me.

I held it up, like Rafiki did to Simba in _The Lion King_, only I did so to inspect the kitten's gender. "Oh! So you're a boy." I then realized I was still outside, sitting on my porch…_talking_ to animals. What will the neighbors think? Who the fuck cares?

I sighed and looked at the kitten's face, "If I put you on my head will you promise me something?" Honestly I wasn't expecting the cat to answer, but it kind of freaked me out when it nodded. I smiled nonetheless, "Don't fall and don't y'know…use my head as a bathroom." The kitten mewed and snuggled against my face, "Awe." I pet it for a few seconds and then moved it to my head.

Luckily, it seemed to be too young to have claws, so it simply pawed at my semi-dreaded burgundy locks. Or at least that's what it felt like. I have no idea. I can't see my own head.

I then stood up, than crouched so I could lift the box, "Fuck me sideways! You're all fucking pigs! There's no way you could've starved out here, you're all fat asses." Some kittens glared, others seemed uninterested.

Once I got the kittens inside the living room, I locked up.

Okay so now the tough part. See, I once told my mom this exact story. I said, 'If I found a suspicious box with ten kittens inside, could I keep them?' She said no. But she did say, 'Now if you asked to keep one and it was abnormal. Then I'd say yes.' So I put my favorite into the box, and then I picked up the box, dying when I had to carry it up the stairs. I swear I need to hit the gym again.

Once in my room I picked them out of the box individually and looked at their genders. Some looked oddly awkward about it too. After, I set them on my amazing hello kitty bed; they stared at it. They also stared at my poster-covered walls, and my television which was paused on Resident Evil 5; I was currently working on playing through pro.

I put the big box outside my door.

"Now to name you all," I sat on my bed and picked up my favorite. I sat him on my lap as I looked all of them over, "I have no fucking clue what to name any of you."

I sighed and began to pet my favorite, "I'm seriously thinking of naming you My Favorite." He mewed and purred at my amazing petting skills. "Hmm… or I could name you…lollipop? Your face looks like a lollipop…or a mask. Like Tobit's mask." I don't know why, but I always called Tobi, Tobit. Eh.

My favorite tilted his head in confusion, "Eh, Tobit. As in…Tobi. From Naruto. He's in the Akatsuki." I swear all the kittens looked at me. "Don't look at me like that. It's unnerving." They didn't stop. "Whatever."

"Your name will be My Favorite. And you will be spoiled. Because all the other kittens can suck my dick for all I care." They all gave me 'O.o' looks. No lie.

"I don't have a dick. But if I did, I wouldn't let you suck it, because that'd be bestiality. And you're not old enough for that yet," I'm such a pervert.

I kissed My Favorite's head, "I love you My Favorite, but first. I must name everyone else."

I pulled out a pillow from my amazing pillow fort behind me (**2**) and sat it beside me, setting My Favorite on it. "You get your own pillow because you're my favorite."

I loved reiterating that, because some kitties looked jealous; especially the blonde kitty.

"Okay… you!" I picked up the only female, "You will be my second favorite."

She mewed innocently, "Hmmm… you're blue… and pretty. What's pretty and blue?" I thought long and hard, "Larkspur?" It was a purplish blue flower, which was the color of this kitty.

She mewed and nodded, "I find it odd that you nodded…but what the hell! On to the next pussy," Yes, Yes I said that.

I set her down next to me and picked up a silver one, with lavender eyes, "You're so pretty!" I'm pretty sure he growled or hissed. "You're silver… with lavender eyes… a name for you… could be…fuck." He twitched. "I'm not calling you fuck. But… I will settle for BJ." Blow Job. I laughed, "You're a blow job." He pawed at me arm, probably hoping to sprout claws to rip me to shreds.

Then I threw him back to the pile of kitties. Just kidding, I would never throw an animal. I just lightly put him back with the others.

"A-ha," I picked up a pretty adorable red one, "Dude. You could be my child." He looked at me. Blankly I might add.

"Seriously," I continued, "Look." I picked up a red dread on the side of my face and put it near his face, "We totally match. I love you. You're my third favorite." I then began contemplating a suitable name for him. He could be…Gaara? He's a mother fuckin' hot redhead. "Maybe I'll name you Blackheart (**3**). Spawn of Satan. Spawn of Satan and _me_. Kukukukukuku," Yeah I do Orochimaru's laugh sometimes. I'm perfecting it. The kittens stared at me like WTF?

"Orochimaru is my father. Don't judge me." Actually my Dad was a big buff black guy (**4**), but that's beside the point. It could have been Orochimaru;_ if_ he had O Negative blood.

And again I received strange stares.

"Are you genetically enhanced to be super kitties?" No, they didn't answer. But I wished they would have. That would be cool.

"Okay," I moved Blackheart over to Larkspur, "Next."

I then picked up a fat blue one. Okay, he wasn't _fat_. He just looked buff. Oh yeah, he's like the Hulk.

"You're a heavy kitty aren't cha?" He gave me a glare.

"You're…Blue…and fat," insert kitty glare, "Your name is Hulk. Because your buff." He seemed to approve of the buff comment.

I moved him over to my lovely BJ.

Then I picked up a black kitty with red eyes –oh wait; black eyes. Strange…thought they were red. Oh wells. I noticed that Hulk looked interested in me picking up this one. Maybe they were gay kitty lovers?

"Ah… what to name you," I pet the black kitty, "Oh my god." I looked him dead in the eye, "Your name is Binx (**5**). End of discussion." Not that we were having one.

I sat him beside his lover and picked up a half white half black one. "You're…awesome. You're my fourth favorite. I have decided this." I scratched behind his ear. He seemed kind of startled when he purred, same as the others. They were curious. I giggled, because I'm a girl. So I giggle.

"What to name you… I am half tempted to name you Zetsu. What the hell! You're name's Zetsu." I sat him beside Blackheart.

Seriously, they all seemed bewildered that I named him that.

Not my fault that's who he looks like.

He could be Zetsu's cat. But then…would he be eaten?

I shook my head and picked up a tan one, he looked like he had stitches, "You're cool." He approved of that. Or so I thought, because he nodded.

"Now… you have stitches. So…what to name you…hmm…Frankie! Short form of Frankenstein," I was very pleased with his name, he however, wasn't.

Next up was the orange one. He looked like he had piercings. "We'll get along just fine," I moved a lock of hair back behind my ear, showing a black spiral pincher (**6**) right after it was my dangly cupcake earring. "I love the piercings kitty. You remind me of Pein-Sama." I always added the suffix. My friend Gracie got me into saying it. He looked curious.

"But I guess someone may have been a whore and did it against your will. That'd be animal cruelty. Nod if it was, shake your head if it wasn't," I was having fun with this. He shook his head, "My, aren't you a smart kitty."

He glowered at me. I think he was put off by my baby tone. Actually, they all didn't seem to like my baby tone. I made it often.

"Pein-Sama is a hottie with a million dollar body (**7**)," I like that song. Pein-Sama's name isn't in it. But it should be. That'd be epic.

The kitten in my hands had a shocked expression and Larkspur seemed kind of… I don't know. Astounded? Pissed?

All the other kittens looked like they were either laughing or shocked.

"Your name shall be Kyo (**8**)." He regained his cool and nodded albeit reluctantly, "You're my fifth favorite." I sat him beside Larkspur.

"Last but certainly not least," I picked up the blonde one, "You don't see many natural blondes these days. I'm proud." I wasn't really. But he didn't know that.

He just stared with a bored expression. I noticed he had a fringe that covered his left eye. "Hmm… your name… should be… something…like…" I was stalling. I need a good name. If he were a she I'd name her Babydoll (**9**). But alas, he was a boy.

"Would you be mad if I named you Babydoll?" He looked angry and furiously shook his head, "Fine. I'll give you a manly name…If only I could think of one…Oh well, you're now Babydoll." He hissed, and several kittens looked like they'd die of laughter. I have no clue how they can laugh.

I moved him over to Hulk and Binx.

Then I eyed them all. It unnerved them I think.

"Which of you is the strangest," I would bring Larkspur or Hulk, but my mom would be suspicious since our discussion on oddly colored cats was blue. She'd think I spray painted the kitten. I wanted to bring Kyo or My Favorite. Kyo would be a no go though. He had piercings and my mom would think I became a sociopath that tortured pets. My Favorite wasn't odd enough.

So

Zetsu! Perfect!

"Come on Zetsu," I picked him up and trotted out my door. Well, not really. I just walked; 'trotted' sounds so freaking amazing though.

I made sure the door was shut before making my way down the hall to my mom's room.

"Mom," She was typing on her laptop, sitting at her desk. Like always.

"Yeah," I looked over her shoulder and sighed, "Farmville (**10**) again?" She nodded distractedly. I poked her arm, "What?" I sighed once more, "Look what I found." She looked over and her eyes widened. "I found him on the porch: In a box. Can I keep him? I already named him and everything! Please, Please, Please!" She looked like she was contemplating it before whipping back around to her laptop, "Sure." I shouted, "HELL YEAH!" She replied with, "Shut up I have a headache." I stuck my tongue out at her back.

I began petting Zetsu when my mom laid down the rules, "Keep him in your room, you're paying for his necessities with your own money, and yeah…that's it." I nodded said my thanks, and left the room.

I went into my bedroom, shutting the door as I did and set Zetsu down with my other favorites.

"Fuck!" A few jumped.

"I have to stop at Pet's Mart," I ran a hand through my hair. "Damn I bet they close soon." Okay I can do this. I nodded. A new determination in my eyes, "Stay here, umm…" I went out of the room and grabbed the box I found, "Use this as the bathroom for now." I set it on the floor, "If my mom comes in here…everyone but Zetsu hide! And…have fun?" With that I grabbed my purse and left.

**Das End**

* * *

><p><strong>Authoress' Note Two<strong>

So how is it so far? Not _too_ bad, right? In the next chapter I'll have the Akatsuki talk more, promise! Please let me know if anyone gets too OOC. Although _some_ will be, since I don't live in their minds. Please review and leave constructive criticism! Also, Chapter 2 will be up soon!

Much love, – D

**Other Notes**

1. Hidan says something similar to Kakuzu in _Naruto Shippuden_ 78-79 I believe.

2. In real life I sit on my bed with about six pillows behind me. I call it my pillow fort.

3. _Ghost Rider_ reference.

4. My dad is a cop (so he's muscular) and he's half African-American. So I call him this all the time.

5. _Hocus Pocus_ reference.

6. Pinchers are a type of gauge. They go in your ears. I actually have size 0 pincher's in.

7. Actual lyrics are, "_Gotta meet the hottie with a million dollar body_," in _Nickelback_'s song – '_Something in Your Mouth_'

8. _Fruits Basket_ reference. In all honesty, I do think Pein-Sama's kitty form would look like Kyo's kitty form, only with piercings.

9. The character in _Sucker Punch_.

10. The farming game on Facebook. My mom always plays it.


	2. Mom, did you just see that?

Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter Two: Mom…did you just see that?

**Authoress' Note **

If you're reading this, congrats! You've stuck with me for the second chapter. So things will become much more interesting in this chapter. Also, thank you to all of you who reviewed.

Much love, D.

**Disclaime****r**

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I **do** **not**, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

**Rating **

Rated T for language

**Warning! **

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be **A LOT** of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

**Kitty Names**

Pein-sama = Kyo

Konan = Larkspur

Zetsu = Zetsu

Tobi = My Favorite

Deidara = Babydoll

Sasori = Blackheart

Itachi = Binx

Kisame = Hulk

Hidan = BJ

Kakuzu = Frankie

* * *

><p><em><span>POV –Third Person <span>_

"Where the hell is she going?" Hidan was hungry, and that girl just _left _them.

Kakuzu just sighed, "She said she had to go to some place called '_Pets Mart_'. I'm assuming she left to get supplies for us. You would know this if you were actually _listening_."

Hidan glared, "Why the hell should I listen to that bitch?"

Sasori simply narrowed his eyes, "Because we're her…_pets _now." This didn't bode well with him. He wasn't used to being someone's animal. None of them were. What were they to do?

"Leader-sama," Itachi spoke for the first time, "What is the plan?"

Pein stayed silent for a few seconds, "We must pretend to be this child's pets. I will formulate a way to return to our bodies."

"Leader-sama," Deidara announced, "Don't you think it's strange that she knows about you, Zetsu, _and _Tobi?" Pein nodded, "It is strange. This girl… she knows too much. We must figure out how much she knows and _how_." Everyone nodded in agreement. "Do you think she was serious about Orochimaru being her dad?" Kisame thought his owner looked nothing like Orochimaru, but who knows?

Pein shook his head, "I highly doubt she is. I haven't detected any chakra signature in her." Deidara looked at the whole group, "Come to think of it… I don't feel any chakra signatures, yeah." Everyone nodded, except for Tobi who was currently curled up on the pillow he was given.

"We must figure out what country we're in," Pein announced, "Look for anything that may give us a clue." With that, everyone fanned out across the bedroom.

Suddenly Tobi spoke up, "Tobi likes girl! She said Tobi's her _favorite_!" Deidara's eye twitched, "Shut up Tobi. That girl's as stupid as you, yeah."

"Deidara-Sempai don't be mean!" Deidara was really getting irritated, "Suffocation!" He wrapped his small kitty legs around Tobi's tiny neck.

Sasori sighed, "Stop fooling around. We need to search this room for any evidence."

"Fine," Deidara slowly unraveled his legs from Tobi's neck, "You're no fun Danna, un." Tobi laid there, twitching while Deidara and Sasori joined the others in their search.

An hour passed and Pein decided to call a meeting, "Has anyone found anything significant?"

Sasori stepped forward, dragging a Hidden Sand headband into the middle of their circle, "We may be in Suna."

**Clink! **

Another metal headband met with the Suna one, "Explain why she has a Hidden Mist headband then."

**Crash!**

Rings were scattered on the purple carpet. "She has our rings," Pein mumbled to himself. Hidan sneered, "Mine's not even that fucking color! Get it right bitch." Kakuzu silently agreed; his ring's color was also off.

"Someone's coming," Itachi announced. Everyone hid.

_POV –First Person_

I was carrying about three bags up the stairs when I heard a crash, "What was that?" My mom swung her head around the wall, almost causing me to fly down the stairs backwards. That would have sucked.

"I don't know… probably Zetsu," my mom eyed me, "That's what I named the kitten." She nodded, "He does look like that plant guy. They're practically related." I laughed at that. "Well dinner will be done in a half hour. Phil should be home by then."

Phil, or Phillip as I liked to call him, was my mom's boyfriend. I hardly ever saw him since he worked all day and played _Call of Duty_ at night. Sometimes he even made little hobby airplanes.

I told my mom thanks for informing me, and then made my way into my room.

Once I set the bags on the floor and shut the door, I noticed a few things that were misplaced.

My two Naruto headbands were on the bed, and my Akatsuki rings were all spilled out of their box and onto the floor.

"Just great," I sighed and bent down to pick them up. I gasped when a pair of eyes gleamed under my bed, "Come here kitty." I clicked my tongue and grabbed the kitten.

"Well hello there Babydoll," the cat hissed angrily, "I know, I know. Life sucks."

I put him on the bed and put the rings in their box, setting the box on the dresser.

"Come on out kittens. I brought some treats and stuff," I watched as all the cats came out of their hiding places and walk up to my feet. It was then that I noticed they couldn't get up on my bed alone; well most couldn't. The three biggest could. Hulk, Frankie, and Zetsu were fine.

"Wait here," I left the room and went into my classroom to get the step stool from the closet in there. I brought it back into my room and put it near the side of the bed.

All of them used it to get onto the bed.

Okay, next order of business. I grabbed their bathroom box; smiling when I saw no droppings of any sort. "Wow you guys are thoughtful." I threw it in between the space on the right side of my bed.

Then I picked up my headbands, not missing their curious looks, and put them on the dresser beside my rings, "Those're my headbands from Naruto. They're for cosplays." They still looked curious, but I ignored their looks.

I then emptied the contents from my shopping bags; two litter boxes along with litter, canned cat food, treats, and five lovely dual bowls for water and food.

My wallet just got a whole lot lighter due to these ten little devils.

I set the litter boxes and bowls near the foot of my bed, in front of the vanity. The kitties watched as I opened the cat food and dump it into each left side. Then I left the room and brought a few water bottles to fill the right side.

Next was the litter boxes; I emptied a bit of litter in both.

Afterwards I put all the kitty stuff in a special spot in my closet.

"Okay," I grinned, "Dinner time!" They ran down those steps (some even JUMPED) and made it all the way to the bowl just… to stare blankly at their food.

"Well…? Aren't you gonna eat?" I received many kitty glares. Seriously, I could burst into flames from the intensity of those kitty glares.

"I just spent forty bucks on special kitten food! Now eat it!" I glared at their adorable faces, "Please?" I tried using the watery wide eyed look on them. It didn't work.

"Assholes," I mumbled. I just spent all this money on them, now they've decided, 'To hell with eating! Let's just stare at it!'

"Please just eat it? I promise I'll get you better food next time…just bare with me k?" Nine kittens looked at Kyo. As if he'd make this decision for them.

He nodded, reluctantly mind you, and they began eating. Every now and then a few would make odd faces. The only ones who didn't seem to mind were Zetsu and Frankie. My Favorite seemed kind of put off, but he ate without glaring at least.

Blackheart didn't even touch his food.

I picked him up and stared into his brown eyes, "What's wrong little buddy? Aren't you hungry?" He simply shook his head. I still cannot get used to them nodding and shaking their heads. It's unnatural, yet cool at the same time.

"Okay then."

I took him with me up to my bed.

**Buzz! **

My phone vibrated. Blackheart stared at it strangely, that was understandable. Kittens obviously didn't have the luxury of having an I-phone.

_Dad: Hey are you visiting this week? _

I looked at Blackheart, contemplating my answer. The kitten simply stared back. It was kind of creepy, yet it made me want to compete in a staring contest.

Blink.

I lost.

_I can't, sorry. Have lots of schoolwork to catch up on._

Yeah I lied. I didn't have lots of schoolwork to do, but I wanted to play with my new kittens. They needed my attention. They _craved_ it. Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating, but they do _need _me.

With that I noticed the other kittens making their way onto the bed.

My Favorite quickly made his way to the pillow beside me, staring at the red haired kitten in my lap.

Kyo and Larkspur went over to the edge of the bed looking like they were conversing. Maybe they were? I don't know. I'm not a cat-whisperer.

Hulk and Binx laid on my white furry blanket near the two lovebirds…well, love _kitties_. BJ was playfully fighting with Frankie on the floor, or at least, I hope they were playing.

Zetsu watched a safe distance away.

Babydoll glared at My Favorite. Wow, he must really not like him; Meanie.

"Hey," I poked his nose. He sneezed. It was _so_ cute! All the kitties on the bed immediately stopped what they were doing to stare. Even the three on the floor came up to see what the commotion was.

Blackheart shook. I realized he was laughing. I noticed most of the kittens were shaking the same way. I glared, "That's rude. He only sneezed." They continued for like two minutes straight. Babydoll never looked so angry. I thought his head would explode.

I moved Blackheart so he would be lying beside my leg, and picked up Babydoll. He seemed surprised; I simply smiled and held him in my arms.

"Aw," I cooed, "Cute kitty sneezes from Babydoll are rewarded with love." I swear BJ looked jealous, so did Hulk and My Favorite. I'm pretty sure they ignored Babydoll's name; although Babydoll didn't.

I eventually felt bad, so I put Babydoll practically on Blackheart and held My Favorite.

Babydoll quickly got off Blackheart and glared at me, "What? He is my favorite after all." Babydoll simply left to go chat with the four kitties in the corner.

I got comfortable, slightly easing back as I pet both My Favorite and Blackheart. They purred. This actually lulled me to sleep. Well almost. I heard the garage door open and close, which frightened my poor kitties, but even that only woke me slightly.

My mom screaming, "RACHEL (**1**) IT'S TIME FOR DINNER," Woke me up indefinitely though.

I sighed and left the kitties in their spots, and then I made sure my door was shut before going down for some dinner and possibly a movie.

_POV –Third Person_

"If she calls me by that _stupid _name one more time un," Deidara glared at the door. Hidan nodded, despite him not really being called by it much.

"I think the name suits you brat," Sasori smirked from his spot.

Deidara just glared, "Tobi likes Sempai's new name! Babydoll! Babydoll! Baby –"

Poor Tobi was tackled off the bed, now the two were rolling around on the floor while Deidara yelled angrily at him.

Sasori sighed.

"So she left again," Kisame just _loved_ pointing out the obvious. "Hn," Itachi was obviously immune to Kisame.

"We can all fucking see that fish brains," Hidan still had that disgusting_ fish_ taste his mouth, "I'm never eating cat food again. If that bitch tries to give me that shit again, I'm sacrificing her to Jashin-Sama."

"Hidan," Pein locked eyes with him, "No."

Konan decided to speak up for the first time, "Leader-sama?"

He nodded and began speaking to the whole group, "Has anyone heard of any jutsu similar to this?" No one nodded, they simply remained silent.

"We're fucked." Hidan summed everything up well.

Sasori decided to point something out, "Did the girl not say she got her headbands from the Kyuubi container?" Many eyes stared at him. "Perhaps we're in Konoha then?" Itachi looked over to the window, "If I could see outside, I could tell you." Everyone inwardly felt stupid for not doing that earlier.

Pein nodded, wordlessly giving him permission to do so.

Itachi got off the bed (by using the stairs) and made his way to the vanity, jumping up on the stool and getting up to the window. He positioned himself so he wouldn't fall, and used his small paws to look through the blinds. His eyes slightly widened. He activated his sharingan, but saw nothing familiar. It was dark outside, but there were lampposts that gave light to the concrete streets, he saw many houses, and he saw strange mechanical things sitting near the curb (cars) (**2**).

"I," he turned slightly, "I do not know where we are Leader-sama."

Pein's eyebrows furrowed slightly, "We have many enemies, but none of them have the ability to send us to a whole new world, except perhaps…"

_POV – First Person_

I finished my dinner and began cleaning the plate off in the sink, "Are you going to give Zetsu a bath?" My mom walked up beside me to make Phil another plate, "Don't cats hate water?" Honestly why would I _willingly _put a feline in water? She shrugged, "He could have all kinds of diseases if we don't."

"Will you help?" I'm not getting bitten by my demonic cat. Not alone at least.

"Sure thing sweetie," I thanked her and left the kitchen. I said goodnight to Phillip and ran up the stairs. I went into my room and shut the door. It was really strange to see the kittens in a circle. It was even stranger that they were all mewing as if they were discussing something.

"Okay…This isn't normal," I sighed, "Why couldn't the mystery man just drop off a box of _normal _kittens?"

The kitties then broke off into small groups, which I found odd. They really did remind me of the Akatsuki, or Organization XIII. Both were cool. Akatsuki was cooler though, in my mind at least. I grabbed my 360 controller and finally started playing my game again. I had left it paused for like 2 hours. I'm surprised Wesker's sexy face wasn't seared into my screen. Not that I would mind. Although that man could be permanently seared onto _my forehead_ and I still wouldn't mind.

My kittens stared at the screen as I shot zombies with my fully upgraded, unlimited ammo, shotgun. I have named him Jasper; Jasper the shotgun of _doom_.

I got through another chapter within an hour. I died like four times though. "Stupid pro level," I grumbled under my breath, "Always making me die."

Then I saved and turned off the game.

I got bored and decided to surf the web. I shut off my television, and grabbed my laptop and its lovely laptop lap desk. It makes my lap non-heated. If that even makes sense.

"What shall I do online?" I like to talk aloud to myself a lot.

I roamed the bowels of the internet. Mostly I talked to cleverbot and took random quizzes. My kitties all crowded around me to see what I was doing. I laughed at what cleverbot said to me. He was so clever.

"That's how I'm going to pick up chicks," a few kitties stared at me oddly. "What? It'd be a nice way to break the ice. I'll walk up to a hot lady and point to her vagina and say, 'That big hole was placed there by me, to convince you of my Godhood.' (**3**) And then we'll get married."

Babydoll looked spooked, BJ was wiggling his eyebrows, Hulk was surprised, and all the others looked like they were deep in thought.

"So," I poked Zetsu's side, "My ma and I are gonna give you a bath tomorrow." He gave me an odd look, to which I simply ignored, "So bubbles or no bubbles?" It wasn't that hard of a decision, but Zetsu looked confused. "Bubbles it is then," there. I made the decision for him. How nice of me.

"Don't worry though," I addressed all the kittens, "When my mom and I are done I'll sneak the rest of you into my bathroom so you can all be squeaky clean!"

Finally I got bored and turned off the computer. I put it on the vanity chair and switched off the lights. I was already in semi-pajamas (sweats and a t-shirt) so I just hopped into bed. I moved several pillows around the bed, luckily not crushing any kittens, and then I laid my head down on my softest one.

My Favorite lay on my side, Blackheart just sat near my head, Babydoll curled up on one of the pillows, Hulk stole another pillow, BJ took a pillow on the floor, Frankie laid under the vanity near the food, Zetsu slept near my arm, Binx was near Hulk, and Larkspur and Kyo shared two pillows near the bottom of the bed.

**THE NEXT DAY**

_POV –Third Person _

"Is that lazy bitch ever going to wake up?" Hidan glared at the sleeping girl. He twitched when she snored a bit.

"Let her sleep," Konan stared at the young girl, "She'll wake when she's ready."

Hidan sneered at the konoichi kitten (**4**).

"Tobi wants food," the black kitten jumped up on the girl snuggling against her face, "Wake up nice lady, wake up! Tobi's hungry!" Deidara wanted nothing more than to shut up the energetic ball of fur, but he was hungry too.

"Nggh," the girl groaned in her sleep.

"Wake up!" Tobi licked the girl's face. She giggled and sat up straight, holding the kitten in her arms. She let out a yawn before putting the cat down on a pillow beside her and getting up. "Gotta pee," She whispered.

Tobi pouted on the pillow, "Tobi wants foooood." Deidara glared at the kitten, but was held back by Sasori glaring, "It's too early for this brat."

"You don't even sleep. How can it be early, hmmm?" Sasori simply turned his back on Deidara's question.

"I hope she keeps her promise," Kisame announced. Hidan agreed, "Yeah. I'm not eating fucking cat food for breakfast."

_POV –First Person_

So after I did my morning routine I decided to check on my mom. She was awake and on the computer _again_. I swear she's addicted.

Anyway, I asked her if she was ready to give Zetsu a bath. "Yeah whenever you're ready," I nodded and got all the supplies into my bathroom. Then, I went in my room and got the kitten in question.

Zetsu remained calm in my mother's arms while I made sure the water was hot.

"Why're you heating the water?" My mom had this odd look on her face, "Because…I like warm bathes…so I figured so would Zetsu?" She raised an eyebrow.

I sighed, "Look… I just think he'd appreciate a warm bath."

She nodded with a smile on her face, "You're a strange kid." I stuck my tongue out, "Well you're a strange mom."

I plucked the cat from her arms and sat him down in the tub. His cat senses set in just then, because he made this loud cat screech noise and leaped up into my face, "Ah!"

My mom thought this was absolutely hilarious, because she laughed her ass off. She fell onto her butt and just laughed. I would have made a sarcastic comment, but a cat was in my face at the moment. I finally got him off, rearranged the drenched cat in my arms, and…

**POOF!**

My mom's laughter stopped.

I no longer held a wet kitten in my arms, no, now I had a wet _man_ in my arms. Now usually I would think this is my ultimate fantasy come true, however, Zetsu was who I was hugging. Not Zetsu my cat, but Zetsu the person. Well, plant-person-thing.

Anyway! Queue the screams, "Ah!" My mom and I both screamed while I pushed the naked man out of my arms and into the tub.

**Thud! Thud!**

"Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god," I wanted to tear my eyes away from the nude plant man, but his abs were _oh_ so nice. Oh great now my eyes are traveling low– "May I have a towel? _**Now**_," I jumped at his deeper voice. It was scary.

I nodded, and turned away from him, still seeing his form standing in the bathtub from the mirror. I noticed my mom was passed out on the floor…I guess that's what that second 'thud' noise was.

I grabbed the towel off the sink and turned and handed it to Zetsu, closing my eyes as I did so. No need for him to think any less of me then he already does.

"I'm decent _**you perverted little girl**_," I opened my eyes, trying to focus on his yellow eyes and not his muscle-y abs.

"What do you expect?" My voice sort of shook slightly, "I'm a hormonal teenage girl. Of course I'm going to stare at the naked fictional man standing in my bathroom."

His black side smirked slightly, that freaked me out. "Are all the Akatsuki kittens?" I mean there were ten of them, well nine since Zetsu was no longer fluffy and adorable.

"We should change them all back. _**Why all of them? Some should stay felines**_," Wow. So this is what's it's like to be in the room with someone talking to their other personality. I have one word to describe this situation: Creepy.

"That will be for Leader-sama to decide. _**Fine**_," Mm. Who would've thought Zetsu had kick-ass abs that could rival Ryan Reynolds'?

"Let's go," I vaguely remember Zetsu speaking, but hey. Who can concentrate when wet abs are in their line of vision? I certainly can't.

"Hello? _**Girl quit staring**_," I jumped. A nervous smile made its way onto my face, "Eh, sorry. What were you saying?" His black half frowned while his white half sort of smirked. Either way it was creepy.

"Let's go get the others," I was about to follow him out of the bathroom but then I remembered something. Well, some_one_. "What about my mom? I can't just leave her." He stared at her and bent down, "What're you doing?" Please don't eat her please don't eat her please- Oh wait. He just picked her up.

"Where can I put her?" I squeezed through the doorway and led him to her bedroom, pointing to the bed I said, "There." He roughly dropped her on the bed, "Now let's go." I frowned, "Can we wait? Please?" He raised one eyebrow on his white side. "Listen," I paused, "I can't just have the whole Akatsuki running through my house. At least, not while my mom's out. Can we just stay in here and give her time to wake up? I'll explain what happened _and then_ we can get everyone else."

He didn't answer me for a full three minutes. I counted.

Zetsu nodded and sat on the other side of the bed, water dripped off him onto the sheets. "Can…can you tell me how this happened?" I was seriously confused. This wasn't a fanfiction. It was real life. Things like this just don't happen.

He seemed to be contemplating my question before deciding to tell me, "A smoke bomb went off. When we all became conscious, we were in that box and we were felines." I nodded. "So then, how'd the smoke bomb go off?" He explained that Tobi had opened it. That was odd to me, since I knew Tobi was Madara-sama, and Madara-sama didn't seem to be the type to do something that careless.

"Now," Zetsu spoke, "Tell me how you seem to know who we are."

"Basically you're all characters in an anime slash manga called '_Naruto_' and you guys are the antagonists. Umm…" I went into more depth explaining a little bit about what I knew. I didn't want him to know that I knew who died and what happens, etcetera. That'd be bad.

After about a half hour of explaining, my mom finally came to.

"Huh?" She sat up and proceeded to open her mouth and scream once she saw Zetsu sitting on the foot of her bed. I covered her mouth with my hand, staring into her hazel eyes, "Shh… Don't scream Mom. This is perfectly…normal." She narrowed her eyes. I smiled at her and continued, "If I remove my hand do you promise not to scream?" She nodded, reluctantly mind you.

"What the hell is going on?" I sighed and proceeded to tell her what Zetsu had told me.

"That…makes sense. I suppose," She sighed, "Does that mean there's more kittens in your room?" I frowned with a slight wince, "…Yeah."

She got an evil glint in her eye, "Well let's go get them."

I looked over to Zetsu, "Well… you heard the woman. Let's go."

So all three of us went and got all the kittens from my room and brought them into my bathroom. My mom grabbed the appropriate number of towels.

I grabbed Pein-sama, since y'know the leader should be first (after Zetsu that is), and dunked him in the water.

"Why isn't anything happening?" Zetsu put his hand on the water, "When you put me in, the water was warm. Now it's cold." I frowned, and adjusted the temperature.

I tried once more.

"Still nothing," I frowned deeper, "What now?" Zetsu stared at me. Why is he staring at me? This is unnerving. "You hugged me after you put me in the water."

Hell no.

I am _not_ hugging nine wet yet warm kittens.

**To Be Continued…**

**Authoress' Note 2**

I just noticed that whenever I change point of views, Hidan is usually the first to speak. It's not important, but I just noticed that so I thought I'd point it out. Anyway, I hope you liked the second chapter; Chapter 3 will be up soon! Review and let me know what you think! No flames please.

**Other Notes**

1. Rachel is one of my middle names.

2. I don't think they have cars in the Naruto-world. I know they have boats, but I'm not 100% sure if they have cars. So, in this fic, they have no cars in the Naruto-world.

3. Cleverbot said this to me once. It was hilarious.

4. Konan the Kunoichi Kitten


	3. Nudity, glares, and fun galore!

A Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter Three: Nudity, glares, and fun galore!

**Authoress' Note**

Thank you again to reviewers! ^ ω ^ Reviews give me inspiration to update sooner. I'm just throwing that out there. ;) Also, people may be OOC. Since…one, I'm not them. And two… if the Akatsuki _did _magically matriculate into my home… I would be killed. No questions asked. They would definitely decide to kill me. It would be painful, and sort of funny. On to the story!

- D.

**Disclaime****r**

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I **do** **not**, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

**Rating **

Rated T for language

**Warning! **

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be **A LOT** of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

* * *

><p><em><span>POV – First Person<span>_

I scowled at the orange kitten's face, "I'm not looking forward to this anymore than you are." Then I got this amazing mental image of Pein-sama with wet, rock hard abs, with me smothering my face in his sexy chest. That made me smile, "Then again, maybe I am."

His eye twitched. As if he read my mind and saw the whole thing.

I think I'm officially a creeper.

"Don't worry," I looked into his white ringed eyes, "I promise I won't molest you Pein-sama." I wonder if he prefers Leader-sama instead. Well, that'd be kind of awkward since he's not _my _leader.

I dunked him in the warm bath water and inhaled a breath, looking up at Zetsu (since he's a giant), "Here goes nothing." I wrapped my arms around the wet kitten and…

**POOF! **

"I could get used to this," I mumbled into his chest. Pein sighed, "Could you possibly release me?" I instantly let go allowing my mother (who was standing in the doorway) to throw him a towel.

"I don't know if I can handle seeing any more attractive nude men," My mom must've read my mind.

"Hey," I looked at her, "At least you're not hugging them and ruining your clothes." She smirked, "You know you're enjoying it." I frowned, "You're my mom. Aren't you supposed to be saying 'No, how dare you snuggle with wet naked men?'" She shrugged, "Eh. But then I'd have to do it, and I have a boyfriend for that."

I scrunched up my face, "That is just wrong."

"Can we go into a different room? _**It's getting cramped in here**_," I just noticed that. This bathroom wasn't made for sexy parties with nude men and kittens. It was made for bathing; hence why it's called a _bath_room.

My mom simply smiled. She must be used to the oddness of this situation.

"Follow me," She led them down the stairs and to the living room. "Good thing we have leather couches," I resisted the urge to point out to her that water wasn't _supposed _to get on leather. Once seated, Pein looked up at me (since I was still upstairs), "Hurry and change the others back. After, we will all have a discussion." I nodded and went back into the bathroom.

"Who wants to go next?" All the kittens mewed and hopped up, except for Blackheart, Larkspur and Binx. I mean, Sasori, Konan, and Itachi. I was saving Konan for last, since she was a woman, and I don't think she'd appreciate the male kittens – Akatsuki members – seeing her naked.

I picked up My Favorite, making Deidara angry, "Hey…he is _my favorite_ after all." And he always will be, because as we all know Tobi is Madara. So, if I remain in Tobi's good graces then I should be immune to dying. Well, not immune, but I'll be less likely to be killed by the Akatsuki.

I made sure the water was still warm, and then I dunked him into the water; afterwards I hugged him. A familiar 'Poof' sounded, and bam! Naked Tobi wearing nothing but a mask and his birthday suit was in my arms. What made this awkward situation much more awkward?

Tobi hugging me back screaming, "Thank you for making Tobi human again nice lady!" So since he was _naked_ and in such close proximity, I could feel a certain _thing_ against me. Oh my god.

"You're welcome Tobi…now if you could let me go…that'd be great," Tobi loosened the hug and looked at me, or so I assumed since he moved back a little. "Doesn't nice lady want to hug Tobi?"

Stupid Madara, stupid Madara stupid –

"I do Tobi. Just not when you're naked," He let me go, and I resisted the urge to ogle him. I still did, just not as obviously as I had when I saw Zetsu naked.

I grabbed a towel and handed it to him, "What should Tobi do with this?"

WHAT THE HELL? I hate Madara Uchiha now. I thought he was sexy before, but now he's just being a- Wow. He has nice abs. Whoa. Is it a requirement for all the Akatsuki members to be drop dead sexy? I could just ogle them all day.

"Nice lady?" I brought my eyes up to meet his masked face, "Oh. Sorry Tobi…uh, just tie it around your waist…so y'know…girls don't see you're...yeah" He did as he was told.

Then I shooed him off to the living room.

"Next will be…_you_," I picked up Sasori. I loved Sasori. He was so adorable. I want a kid like him one day, minus the lack of emotion and puppetness.

I dunked him in the water and hugged him. The 'poof' sounded and ta-da!

"Wow," I looked in his eyes, "We're like…almost the same height." He was a few inches taller than me, and he was probably the shortest Akatsuki member.

He sighed, "If you are done stating the obvious; release me."

I was half tempted to just hold him and state obvious things, but I didn't think that would earn me any Sasori points.

I released him with a smile, "Did you know you're a redhead?" To hell with Sasori points, I feel like being bitchy today.

He just stared at me, which made me pout, "You're no fun."

I grabbed him a towel and threw it to him. He caught the towel by the way. He'd be a bad ninja if he'd missed the towel.

I ogled him, because I can, and let him leave the bathroom without molestation.

Next up was Deidara.

"Please don't blow me up when I change you back okay?" His eye twitched, "I'm really, really sorry about giving you that name. In my defense, you were a kitten. Not a scary terrorist."

He still looked pissed.

"Nod your head; this will ensure that you promise that you will not kill me when you become human," Yeah, I'm being ridiculous. Plus, I'm lying because I still would've named him Babydoll regardless of him being an S-class criminal.

He looked beyond pissed, but nodded regardless.

I dunked him in the water and then I hugged him.

His eye twitched, "I hate you, un." I let go right after and let out an, "Awe," Which caused him to raise an eyebrow.

"You really do have a speech impediment! That's adorable!" I have never been gladder that someone was nude, because if _he_ wasn't then he'd have clay, which means I'd probably be splattered all over the walls by now.

"Shut up," He growled, "Get out of my way, yeah."

I giggled, "Aren't you forgetting something?" I handed him a towel and let him leave the bathroom.

Next up was Kakuzu. Boy oh boy. This will be fun.

Make the water warm; check. Dunk kitten in; check. Hug kitten; check.

"Wow. You're huge!" That came out wrong.

"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" I am now regretting teaching my mom the ways of the 'that's what she said' joke. Queue the blushing. Just kidding, I don't blush.

Obviously Kakuzu wasn't too keen on screaming, because he's glaring.

"Ah," I let go of him, "Here's your towel." He wrapped himself and stalked out of the bathroom.

I figure I should do Hidan next, since Kakuzu is his partner.

Dunk and hug equals naked Hidan.

"And you win the award for best abs in a criminal organization," Seriously. So far, Hidan's abs were the best. I could stare at them all day.

"I know. Now let go of me bitch," Rude. I did as I was told though, no need for me to die before my eighteenth birthday.

I handed him a towel, which he eyed oddly, "Please put this on."

"Why the fuck should I?" Of course he'd rebel. I should've sensed it coming.

"Because you're not allowed to be a nudist in this house," He just draped the towel over his shoulder, "I don't have to listen to you."

Then he walked out of the door.

I heard my mom gasp, and then I heard Pein tell Hidan to put the towel on.

"Okay Kisame," I smiled at the fat –sorry, _buff _– Kitten. I dunked him in the water and hugged him.

I almost drooled at the sight of the naked shark man.

"So you really do have a big blue penis," he gave me a toothy smirk, "I know." I blinked and handed him a towel, "Is that towel big enough?" He nodded and left.

Now for the person I loathed most. Well, not _loathed_, but I didn't like him very much. Something most people didn't know, other than Gracie and my mom, was that I was afraid of Itachi; a fictional character.

Let me reiterate that, _used to be_ fictional character.

Even though I knew he was a secret good guy, he was still scary as hell. I think it was the scary emotionless voice coupled with the Sharingan eyes.

I picked up the black kitten and looked in his matching eyes, "When you're human…do not talk and please avoid eye contact with me."

He just stared, slightly confused, at me before nodding slightly.

I dunked him and inhaled sharply, than I hugged him. Immediately when I felt nakedness on me I released him. I handed him a towel, avoiding his eyes, which meant I stared at his abs; since abs made Rachel happy. Great, now I sound like Tobi.

He left shortly after toweling himself.

"Okay," I smiled to the last kitten sitting on the floor. She turned around, since she had been looking away the entire time. I envied her self control.

I picked her up, adjusted the temp, and dunked her. Then came the hug and…

**Poof!**

Boobs were in my face. Konan boobs. Now _this_ I could get used to. Forget the hot men with abs. Can I just have Konan instead?

"Let go please," Well, she did say the magic word. So, I let her go and gave her an extra long towel; since she had lady parts to cover. I felt like being charitable so I grabbed my robe off the back of the door and handed it to her, "There are nine men down there so… I'm protecting my property." She gave me a weird look. "Well I found you as a kitty and named you; so in other words, I own you," I smiled. She laughed lightly and slipped the robe on.

"Let's get this over with," I sighed. I was _so_ not looking forward to going downstairs and having a 'discussion' with Pein-Sama.

He's gonna order me to be murdered; by Deidara if I was unlucky. I personally would rather be killed by Kisame. He'll just y'know…skin me alive. That sounds much better than being exploded.

So we went downstairs, and everything was silent; except my mom. She was having a conversation with Kisame; which was really, really odd by the way.

I just stared at them.

"Why're you staring like that?" She had the audacity to ask.

"Oh nothing…just staring at you…TALKING TO A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND," Deidara, Sasori, and Kakuzu glared at me. I'm assuming it's because I screamed. Hidan just twisted his pinky in his ear, "Shut the fuck up." Normally I would say something back, but I was too busy being disappointed in my mother.

"Oh," She brushed off my screaming, "So you can look at his _penis_, but I can't _talk _to him?"

Well mom. You sure know how to be blunt.

"You are obsessed with that word (**1**)," I sighed. Then Pein-sama cleared his throat, "Can we start the discussion now?" I smiled and sat on the floor, "You have my permission." Some may say I have a death wish, I simply say I have the gift of being immune to glares. Makes no sense? Ha, I don't _need_ to make sense; especially in life or death situations.

He was glaring at me, but I had the upper hand.

"I just want to get this off my chest… if you kill me. You'll be screwed. Without me you have no home, no food, no money, and you have no amazing video games."

Hidan smirked, "We could just kill the bitch and use the house as our own." I flinched, "Well yes you could do it the _easy_ way. But come on! You're the _Akatsuki_! Show some resilience." I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes. Hidan glared, "Why don't you shut that fat fucking mouth of yours."

My mom glared at him, "Don't use that language in my fucking house you bastard (**2**)!" Yes mom. This will make a bad situation, worse.

Pein-sama interrupted, "Silence!" I inched closer to my mom. I could use her as a human shield if things go bad. I saw she had the same look on her face. She smiled sheepishly. "Fantastic," I muttered.

Bad thing about ninjas: They have supersonic ears.

Oh yeah. I could be skinned alive, bathed in acid and salt, and then be cut into tiny pieces and put into a blender. That's the intensity from the glares I'm receiving now.

I gave them two thumbs up and a grin.

Again, I moved closer to my mother. She'll protect me against the big bad ninjas.

"Shh," She shushed me! That's mean!

Oh well, I'll get over it.

Pein-sama then began speaking, eying me with a glare. He told the whole group about them being 'fictional' and whatnot. Basically what I told Zetsu.

So I basically spaced out till my mom jabbed me with her foot. I jumped up a foot in the air. Then I realized I was being talked to, "Uh…can you repeat the question sir?" That's what I used to say when teacher's asked me questions when I was daydreaming.

Pein-sama sighed in a frustrated fashion, "I did not ask you a question." I glared at my mother, "Why'd you jab me?" She was snickering.

"I simply stated that we will be staying here until I figure out a way to return us back to our world," I nodded. "You're taking this well," Seriously, if it were me, I'd be screaming and freaking the fuck out.

"Well I would still like to see proof that we're 'fictional' characters," That I can do. "May I leave to get my laptop?" He nodded.

I ran up the stairs and into my bedroom. I grabbed the laptop and ran back down the stairs. It took me like two minutes. I'm just that fast.

I booted it up while the Akatsuki had mini conversations with one another. Oh, and my mom decided she and Konan would discuss girly things.

After my computer was up in running I went to YouTube. I searched up '_Akatsuki the Musical_'.

"Here's your proof," I handed my laptop to Pein-sama after I clicked play. He watched the video and handed the laptop to Itachi, who handed it to Tobi, who handed it down the line. They deemed this as sufficient proof.

"So," I looked at the time… Whoa. It's like two in the afternoon. "When'll Phillip get home, 'cause I'm not sure how keen he'll be on having ten hot towel clad people in his house."

My mom frowned, "Damn. You're right. Uh…he should be home at five."

"Awesome," I smiled, "That's enough time. So…what do we do about them?" Yes I was talking about the Akatsuki as if they weren't in the room. It's okay though, because most of them were ignoring me anyway.

"I'll get the blow up mattress and set it up in your classroom. Konan can stay in your room, and anyone left can sleep on the couch or the floor." My mom comes up with the best ideas, I swear.

"What about food?" I mean, thirteen people are a lot to feed.

"Ramen," SCORE! I love ramen; probably not as much as Naruto, but honestly. Who, other than Naruto, can eat ramen all day long and still want more?

Seriously though, ramen is a good option. Since it's cheap, comes in bulk, and we happen to have a lot of it.

"So what flavors does everyone want?" I got a few blank stares.

"I do not eat," Guess who? So in all five people wanted chicken, one wanted shrimp, and the rest wanted beef. "Do you want help cooking?" I usually hate cooking, but I'm willing to help my mom out.

"No its okay honey," She smiled, "Just make sure no one blows up the house, or gets blood all over my clean floors." My mom was well aware of the criminals now in our house and how they do things. I'm just surprised she's taking it so well (**3**).

I walked over to Pein-sama and asked, "Can I run a few rules by your lackeys?" He nodded, "Just realize that I have the power to overrule any rule I deem unnecessary, and I do not take orders."

Now I'm scared.

"I would never think of trying to order you around Pein-sama," I suddenly flinched, "Is that okay? Would you prefer I call you Leader-sama instead? Or sir-leader?"

He sighed, which I believe is a habit of his, "No. Pein-sama is fine with me."

I gave him the 'nice guy' pose.

He ignored me and addressed his lackeys. "She," He pointed glanced at me, "Will be informing you of several rules she has, you will follow them unless I say otherwise."

I suddenly felt very nervous with all eyes on me, "Uh… So…No explosions of any kind, no killing, no raping, no maiming, no orgies unless I'm invited, no rituals, and please don't leave the house without me or my mom present."

"Oh!" I just realized something, "And you are to refer to me as Rachel! Since that's my name…Uh…That's it I think." I smiled nervously.

Hidan looked peeved about the 'No rituals', Deidara just plain hated me, and everyone else just looked indifferent.

"Do you think Tobi's a good boy?" I was wondering how long the silence would last. Plus I was wondering when he'd have the urge to say that.

"Yes," I grinned, "I think Tobi's a_ very_ good boy." This caused all out chaos.

Tobi jumped up and started hopping up and down screaming, "Tobi's a good boy! Tobi's a good boy!" Deidara than leaped towards him and attempted to strangle him; all that action caused their towels to fall off. Yes. This is something that will be seared into my brain for all eternity.

I looked up at the ceiling, "God if you're there… kill me now."

**Das End**

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><p><strong>Authoress' Note 2<strong>

So that's it for Chapter 3. Hope you enjoyed it! Again, thank you for the reviews and keep them coming. ;) I tried my best but eh, I don't like this chapter so much.

Much love, D.

**Other Notes**

1. My mom has this weird obsession with penises. Seriously, she can see a penis in any picture/wall formation/movie/collage/etcetera. It's really disturbing, but it's hilarious at the same time.

2. My mom has told me a bazillion times that the only person allowed to cuss in her house is her, and my grandma (I still cuss though).

3. My mom actually would take things well. I asked her, plus I'm around her. (Lol) The only time she gets worked up is when she's having road rage.


	4. A fun filled evening, not

A Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter Four: A fun filled evening. Not.

**Authoress' Notes**

Hello again!

Thank you to all who have reviewed, added this story to your alerts, etcetera! Thank you to those who have just read it also. Even if you don't do any of the above, I'm glad you at least looked at it.

Much love, D.

**Disclaime****r**

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I **do** **not**, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

**Rating **

Rated T for language

**Warning! **

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be **A LOT** of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

* * *

><p><em><span>POV –First Person<span>_

"Deidara-Sempai…Tobi can't…breathe."

"Good, un."

"You are going to kill him brat."

"That's the point Danna."

"When will food be served? _**I'm starving**_."

"I'm fucking hungry too!"

"May I have some clothes? I feel awkward in this robe."

"I will require clothing as well. This couch is…sticking to my back."

"Ah! One question at a time! _And you_," I pointed to Deidara, "Stop choking poor Tobi! You're being an asshole!" Yeah I didn't _need _to call him names, but it was true. Plus, I needed to let out some steam in the form of colorful words.

Oh wait.

"And for the love of all that is holy put your towels back on!" I really didn't need to see Tobi or Deidara's penises again; although, I'm not complaining. I enjoy nudity just as much as the next girl. It's just… my mom's in the other room and she doesn't need to see penises. She's living a life of chastity. So no seeing nude men for her, because I'm not raising any brothers or sisters. I have enough of them on my Dad's side.

Once Deidara let go of Tobi they both put their towels back on.

Next was answering the questionnaire from the rest of the Akatsuki.

"Food will be served when it's done," I love giving half-assed answers, "And Konan…you'll have to borrow my mom's clothes, because you're too tall to fit into my clothes. Pein-Sama, you and all the other Akatsuki members can borrow Phillip's clothes."

I then looked over at my favorite redhead, "You could actually fit into my clothes." He raised an eyebrow, as if to say, 'I don't think I want to wear girl clothes.' To which I ignored, because I actually had clothes that I accumulated from various family members and friends, which means I have a few male articles of clothing.

So I ran into the kitchen, told my mom that I was going to be raiding her closet and Phillips; to which she said yes.

"Okay," I stood in front of the couch, "Everyone; follow me!"

We marched up the stairs, well, I did. Everyone else just walked at a normal pace.

I directed Konan to the left closet (which was my mom's), and directed all the boys, except Sasori and Deidara, to the right closet (Phillip's).

"Back to my bedroom we go," I followed behind Deidara and Sasori, because apparently they know the layout of my house better than me.

Once in my room they sat down on the bed to let me through to the closet. I picked out some ripped jeans that were too big on me and a baggy shirt for Deidara. I grabbed some black jeans I got from my grandpa and another baggy shirt for Sasori.

I went through my underwear drawer next and grabbed some boxers.

I handed the clothing to them, "Why do you have boxers, hmm?"

"Ladies man…?" I giggled. I gave Sasori my '_Ladies Man_' boxers that had snoopy on them. "Because you're a ladies' man," I explained to him with a smile. He sighed.

"And…I have boxers because they're comfy," I looked at Deidara after a few seconds of ignoring his existence.

Deidara stood and dropped his towel, causing me to scream and turn around, "WHY ARE YOU DROPPING YOUR TOWEL?" Deidara laughed, "You've already seen all of us naked. I don't see why it's such a problem, un." He has a point. I won't admit defeat though. "So!" I was being childish.

"So…hmm?" I heard another towel hit the floor, "Don't tell me you're naked too Sasori?"

"Sasori-_san_; Show respect for your elders," He blatantly ignored my question. I stuck my tongue out, though he couldn't see it, "We don't use honorifics in America. You can use them if _you_ want, but _I'm _not Japanese so I don't have to."

"Then why'd you use the honorific with Leader-sama's name, un?" Darn. I've been caught red handed. I heard the zipping of pants. I wonder if they're both decent now.

"Uh…because…well," I struggled to come up with a reason, "Because he's the leader and he's scary and awesome and sexy!" A-ha!

"You believe him to be…sexy?" I put a hand over my mouth to stop myself from laughing like a hyena.

"You don't? Sasori-_san_, are you saying you think Pein-sama's _ugly_?" I turned around to see him glaring. "I do not find men attractive in any way," He pulled the shirt over his head. Deidara was laughing. That was a plus. Maybe he won't kill me after all.

"Does this mean you don't hate me anymore?" I had to know.

"No, un. I still hate you," I sighed dramatically.

After they were fully dressed we went to check and see if the others were dressed.

I was happily surprised to see everything still in order. I congratulate Pein-sama on his ability to keep him men in order. I say men, because I already knew Konan wouldn't be messy. She's too awesome to be a messy hobo.

**TIME SKIP**

So dinner was all done, and my mom was putting it all in bowls in the kitchen. Everyone else was in the living room watching my Resident Evil box-set. We were currently watching Apocalypse.

The garage door sounded and I knew Phillip was home. This will be fun.

We heard the garage shut and the door slam.

My mom greeted Phil with a kiss and hug, "Honey I have to tell you something."

"Tell me later babe, I had a rough day at work. I just want to go watch some," He had walked into the living room, "T…V."

"I can explain!" I shouted. I really didn't need him throwing a hissy fit.

"What the hell is going on? Why are there fucking _men_ in my house? Are you whoring yourself out?"

Well, that's not what I thought he'd assume.

"WHAT? No! Why would you assume that?" At least my mom's trying to be diplomatic.

"Well let's see… there's guys in our house; wearing _my_ clothes. What else would I assume?"

"You see… Rachel found kittens yesterday and then she washed them and they turned into these guys, they're the Akatsuki, they're from a show Rachel watches."

"Right…I believe you," My mother and I sighed, "I believe you're absolutely_ insane_! Are you psychotic? Or do you expect me to believe that lie?"

"Could you keep it down, I'm trying to watch the fucking movie!"

"Shh," I shushed Hidan's loudness. He opened his mouth to retort, but Pein-sama saved the day by elbowing him. I hoped it hurt.

"I'm not lying! Just sit down and I'll –"

"Shut the fuck up Staci! I'm not listening to this shit anymore! I'm leaving!" He stormed out of the house into the garage, my mom running after, and I heard yelling; the garage opened and after a few seconds and a car door slam, I heard it shut. Then the sound of a speeding car was heard.

My mom came back with tears in her eyes.

I hugged her, and she hugged back. She cried on my shoulder (literally), and stopped after a few minutes, "I…I'm going to lay down…Give everyone their food please…I just need some alone time…"

Poor mom… I watched her walk up the stairs. Everyone was looking at me.

"Who the fuck was that," Hidan demanded. I glared a bit, "That was my mom's boyfriend Phillip."

"Why did he leave, hmm?" I shrugged, "Because he can't accept this." He looked like he wanted to inquire further, but restrained himself.

"The food's on the kitchen counter, you can all get your own bowls." And they did. They were like lions after gazelles. I've never seen people run faster. They were in there in like five seconds flat.

I went in after they grabbed their own food and sat down, and grabbed my own bowl. I sat in front of Kakuzu on the floor. Since everyone took up the couch. At least Tobi and Kisame were on the floor too. I don't feel so alone now.

After dinner I did the dishes. I figured I'd be nice and do it for my mom. I don't know what they said in the garage, but it couldn't have been something nice.

I sighed and looked out the glass door near the kitchen. I decided to go outside. It was dark out and it was a bit chilly so I could sit on the lawn chair and look at the stars.

After a while Kisame, Deidara, and Tobi joined me.

"Why're you out here, un? You're missing the movie," I shrugged, "I've seen those movies about a thousand times and then some." Kisame sat down beside me, "It's really different here. You can barely see the stars." I nodded, "That's because there's so many lights here in the city." Tobi looked in the gaping hole in the yard, "Why is there a hole?"

"It's a pool. There's just no water in it."

Before he could inquire further a clap of thunder sounded. A small drizzle came after, which turned into a pouring rain.

**POOF!**

I heard a couple of mews, and saw three small kittens standing in clothing. Tobi was near the pool, Deidara in front of me, and Kisame beside me.

"Oh my god," I sighed and grabbed them all (along with the clothing), "This day just got worse."

Once inside safely I brought the kittens into the living room, "What happened?" I set the three kittens and wet clothes on the floor, "Pein-sama…um…the rain turned them back into adorable fluffy felines."

He looked to be in thought, "That makes sense. Rain is cold, opposite of the hot water that turned us into our human forms." You're completely correct Captain Obvious.

I sat down and began to pet Tobi. He was adorable.

"You should return them to their human forms," Not once did he look up from the television. He was completely entranced with watching zombies be shot.

Not that I blame him, I was too.

I saluted him, which he either ignored or didn't see, and picked up all the kittens.

I had a bit of trouble getting up the stairs since Deidara was attempting to mutilate Tobi, and Kisame was just plain _heavy_.

Inside my bathroom I began heating the water.

Just then the power went out.

I screamed out of pure shock.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" I heard Hidan shout. He's got a nice set of lungs in him. He must be a non-smoker.

This sucks. "I think god hates me," I whispered to myself; and Tobi, Kisame, and Deidara. Since they were somewhere in this tiny bathroom. I heard a few mews beside me. There they are.

I pet them and heard my mom shout, "Are you okay Rachel?"

"Yeah," I shouted back to her. I sat in that dark bathroom and felt like crying. I didn't though, because I'm manly. I'm so manly that one day I'll grow a beard and name him Bob.

"Okay," I said to the kitties I couldn't see, "I'll throw you in the water and then hug you all at once okay? That'll be easiest since I can't see or anything." I put them in the water and scooped them all into my arms.

**POOF!**

No one was in my arms, because they were all too fat. Not really. My arms just aren't long enough to wrap around three males.

"Awe, Tobi liked being a kitten!"

"Ow! Who just stepped on me?"

"Sorry," I stepped on Kisame. That's sad. If anything, I'd rather have stepped on Deidara.

"Get out of the tub and I'll grab towels." I turned off the water and then felt my way to the door. I then felt my way to the towel shelf in the closet. I grabbed what felt like three towels and made my way back to the bathroom.

"Here," I handed them out.

After they were done they told me, so we walked down the stairs. Slowly, so we didn't fall.

It was scary.

Luckily the stairs have a railing. Otherwise, we'd have broken bones. Well, I would. They're ninjas so they wouldn't get a single scratch on them.

We went into the living room and sat on the floor. "What do we do now?" I heard a thwack and then, "Deidara-sempai that hurt!" Poor Tobi…I'd slap Deidara if I could find him.

"Stop asking stupid questions, un!"

"It wasn't a stupid question actually," Thank you Kisame.

"Oh so you're on _his _side now, hmm?"

This is going to be a long night.

**Das End**

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><p><strong>Authoress' Note 2<strong>

This is short. I'll make Chapter 5 longer, promise! Anyway, review and let me know what you think.

Much love,

D.


	5. Abusive Deidara, and sleepovers!

A Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter Five: Abusive Deidara, and sleepovers!

**Authoress' Note**

Whoa. I'm surprised at how much positive feedback this fic has gotten! D: Thank you a thousand times over to reviewers!

Much love, D.

**Disclaime****r**

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I **do** **not**, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

**Rating **

Rated T for language

**Warning! **

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be **A LOT** of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

* * *

><p><em><span>POV –First Person<span>_

"I'm not on anybody's side," Kisame practically growled, "I'm just saying that he didn't ask a stupid question. You just plain hate him so you obviously can't see that."

"Well you're –"

"Shut up brat."

Thank you Sasori, you always know the right thing to say. Seriously, he really knows how to control Deidara so well. Without Sasori, Deidara would be arguing till he was blue in the face; which would be hilarious to see.

Great now I'm giggling.

"Why are you laughing, hmm?" Why must it always be _him_ that asks me questions? Why can't it be Kakuzu? I like his voice better.

"I'm not laughing. I'm giggling," I avoided the question completely; yay me!

Deidara sighed, "Why'd you_ giggle _then?" Well Mr. Nosy, I think I'll ignore your existence.

"Hello, hmm?" I could tell he was getting frustrated.

"Answer me, un!" Now he's mad.

**Thwack!**

"Ow," I cradled my poor throbbing head, "What the fuck man!" I heard a snigger, "That was for ignoring me." I glared in the darkness. I have no clue where that infuriating blonde is, but when I find him...

"You're a stupid blonde bimbo! You don't hit ladies!" I glared at the ceiling. Why? It's Simple: because it's the ceiling's fault for not falling and crushing Deidara.

"You're not a lady, yeah," Oh he's dead. I'm going to kill him and have Zetsu eat the remains.

"That's okay, because you're feminine enough for the both of us," Ha! Take that Deidara.

My retort caused several members to bust out in laughter; Kisame of course and Hidan, who had actually been quiet. A few other members spared small chuckles, like Sasori and Kakuzu, and I think even Konan laughed a bit.

I was suddenly thrown face first into the concrete floor that was in the living room. A heavy presence was on my back and I immediately knew who it was.

"Get your fat naked ass off me!"

How the hell did Deidara manage to be so fat, yet look so thin at the same time? I swear this is one of the many mysteries that life has left to be unanswered.

"No un," He growled over me, "Take it back!"

I struggled to breath, "No…! You take back…what you said…_and _apologize…for hitting me, and maybe I'll consider it!"

**Whoosh! **

Yay! Now I can breathe again.

"Sempai shouldn't be mean to Rachel-chan!" Ah, so Tobi is my rescuer. Here I thought Madara-sama would let me suffocate under Deidara's massive weight. He sure proved me wrong.

"Get off me you idiot, un!"

Wow. Now the lights are back on!

"The lights are back on!" I shouted in glee. "We have eyes you fucking bitch," Thank you Hidan. Your bluntness is always appreciated.

"You three," I pointed to Kisame and a wrestling Tobi and Deidara, "Come with me."

We went back to my mom's room and raided Phillip's closet. My mom was just watching television and ignoring us, so we returned the favor. I gave Kisame sweats, boxers, and a baggy shirt.

Tobi turned to me, "How come Deidara-Sempai and Sasori-Sempai (**1**) get to wear Rachel-chan's clothing, but Tobi doesn't? Tobi thought Rachel-chan liked Tobi!" I blinked. "You can wear my clothes if you _really_ want to I suppose." He danced around a bit, "Well I'd rather wear the bastard's clothing, un." My clothes didn't like you either Deidara. I gave him some clothes and sent him and Kisame off to the living room.

Tobi and I went on a stroll to my bedroom. I fished out an amazing Assassin's Creed 2 shirt that had Ezio in all of his hot glory on it and gave Tobi it along with my favorite plaid sweats, plus some plaid boxers.

He changed in front of me, obviously having no shame. I was pretty much immune to nudity by this point. I mean, I still secretly stole glances since I'm a pervert, but I don't think either of us were bothered by the creepiness of this situation.

Once he was done we went downstairs. I was so thankful he didn't go all 'I'm Madara-sama and I wish to kill you.' That would've been awkward.

"Can we continue the movie now?" Oh yeah. They were on Resident Evil Extinction now. "Sure Pein-sama, let me just get it all set up."

That evening was spent watching the rest of Extinction and then watching Afterlife. Shortly after our Resident Evil marathon I taught them how to play the games. It was pretty freaking awesome going co-op on Resident Evil 5 with Hidan, who cussed out the television much more than I did.

My mom even came down to watch.

"Are you…okay," It was much more of a statement then it was a question. I was currently sitting beside my mother on the couch, we were watching Deidara and Hidan (who was hogging the controller) play mercenaries mode.

"Yeah," She replied after a short pause, "I just hadn't expected that he would…act like that; that he would…leave."

Truthfully, I hadn't expected it either.

"Well he's being an ass." That's all I had to say on the matter. I really didn't have much experience in the field of love. Sure I dated and had a few boyfriends and girlfriends, but it had never been anything serious.

Also, I was terrible at consoling others.

"That made me feel a bit better," She smiled at me. Well, maybe I am good at consoling others; to a point.

"What the hell, un!" I looked up to see the 'You are Dead' writing across the television, "You killed me you idiot!"

Hidan just laughed like a mad man.

"Stop laughing! This is a game of teamwork!" Poor Deidara, didn't he see that Hidan wasn't good at teamwork? "So? It was fucking funny! Your bitchy man was blown to bits!" I must admit. I would have never thought that someone would call Chris Redfield a 'bitchy man'.

It got me to giggle. Not that causing me to laugh was much of a feat.

"Whoa it's eleven," I looked at the clock, "Boy did I lose track of time."

My mom sighed, "I think I'll be going to bed now. Please make sure everyone goes to sleep by three." As weird as it sounded coming out of a mom's mouth; three a.m. was basically the normal hour that I went to bed. I loved having the ability of being online schooled. It makes me lazy 'cause then I wake up at like two in the afternoon.

"Goodnight Momma-bear!" She laughed, "Goodnight baby bear."

She walked up the stairs after saying goodnight to the Akatsuki, "Goodnight Okasan!" That was Tobi by the way. I have no clue when he decided to stake claim on my mom. He'll have to share, because she was my mom first.

"What other…'video games'…do you have, hmm?" It was strange to me that they had televisions in their world, but not video games (**2**). What the hell kind of world is that? I would die, because I'm a hardcore diehard gamer.

"They're all," I pointed to the glorious stand that had about eleven shelves full of games, "There."

Deidara, Hidan, Tobi, and Kisame went up and began plucking through my games. I saw Kisame staring intently at Bioshock, Deidara was looking at Left 4 Dead, Tobi was practically jumping out of his skin looking at Assassin's Creed, and Hidan had an evil grin on his face while looking at SAW.

"I want to play this," They all said at once, well Tobi replaced the 'I' with his name, but still. The tension got noticeably thicker when that happened.

I swear they looked like they were going to start an all out war in my living room; except Tobi since I couldn't see his face. I assume he was pretty angry too though.

"Uh," I looked between them, "How bout we play a game that you_ all _can play?" They now directed their glares at me. "Hey!" I waved my hands defensively in front of me, "If you do that, then tomorrow I'll let you each have two hours of game play on the games you want to play!"

This seemed to make the glares intensify, "And who will oversee that they do not overplay?" Good question Sasori. I let my eyes wander over all the Akatsuki members. Well, the obvious choice is Pein-sama, but I doubt he wants to observe them all day and play den mother. Konan was awesome so I would spare her the pain of watching over the man children. Zetsu and Sasori get the same treatment. Then I had a light bulb explode over my head, not literally of course, "Itachi-san can!" I can give my least favorite person the horrible job of watching Tobi, Deidara, Kisame, and Hidan fight over games.

He raised an eyebrow. I know this because I was looking at the fireplace beside his head. I looked over to the pierced god of supreme sexiness. He gave his approval in the form of a nod. Then it's settled.

"Awesome," I got up and put a four player game inside the wii.

I handed out the controllers and taught them the basics of Mario. Hidan got to be Mario, Tobi got to be Luigi, and Deidara and Kisame got to be the coolest characters ever; different colored Toadstools. I always thought Toadstool was the bomb. Seriously, I want a mushroom hat to add to my monstrous collection of hats (**3**).

They played for a good two hours. I figured it was time for bed.

"Okay," I yawned, "Time for all of us to go to sleep; except for Sasori-san who will get to be the guardian of the night." I got a few blank stares, and a couple confused ones. "Y'know…he can watch for burglars and zombies." I doubt the latter would come, but who knew?

If fictional ninjas could show up as kittens on my doorstep, I'm sure it's within the realm of possibility that zombies could emerge from the fog outside. Although, this_ is_ Vegas so we don't get fog (**4**). Not that I know of at least. I mean, California gets fog, but I've never seen fog here. And I was born and raised here. So I should know.

"Where will we be resting?" Good question oh great leader of the Akatsuki. Well, not the all mighty for sure leader, but y'know what I mean.

"You…can sleep in the classroom on the blow up mattress," I told Pein-sama. Then I looked over to the only female member of the Akatsuki, "You may sleep with me." Wow. That sounded dirty. I saw Hidan smirk suggestively, and Deidara get a far-off expression on his face. Is he imagining me and Konan doing…_things_? Hmm…that would be pretty hot.

"And everyone else?" Thank you Sasori for ruining my lovely fantasy!

"Well the rest of you can sleep down here? Two of you can probably lie on the couch, and the rest of you can share the floor." They found this to be satisfactory, so they nodded. Not that they had a choice in the matter. Seriously, the only other place to sleep was the roof; possibly the backyard.

I nodded too and went upstairs to grab the blankets and pillows from the cabinet.

I handed them out amongst the members, let them know that there was a bathroom downstairs for them to use, and went to my room with Konan.

"I find it really weird that none of you have used the bathroom in like…two days," I was in awe. I could only hold my pee for six hours; seven max. Since when I went to public school I had a fear of public restrooms (**5**). I still have that phobia actually.

"We're constantly on missions where having the slightest weakness could be the death of us, and so, we have learned to limit the number of times we have to…_relieve _ourselves."

That made sense I suppose.

"Wow. That's a pretty spiffy skill," I wish I could just be like 'I'm not going to use the bathroom for a month!' Although, _I _would explode in my pants if I did: and not in the good way.

She smiled at me, "It is quite useful. May I borrow pajamas?" I nodded and dug out a pair for her and myself. I figured she could live with Snoopy pajama pants and a plain blue tank top. She thanked me and turned around. I suppose someone in the Akatsuki does have dignity. I stripped and put on a pair of pink shorts and a black tank top.

After we were done I turned off the light, and we crawled under the sheets.

"This is…strange," Konan said after some time.

"I haven't had a…sleepover…since I was small, and even then, I had only attended one." That's just plain sad. Although, I suppose being a ninja with _that_ kind of background must be rough.

"Well," I smiled in the darkness, "Better get used to it. 'Cause I think you'll be here awhile."

I closed my eyes and drifted into a dreamless sleep.

_POV –Third Person_

The whole Akatsuki, except Sasori (who was already awake), awoke when they heard the sound of movement. It was the girl's mother, Staci, going downstairs. She said good morning to those downstairs and proceeded to go into the kitchen to make breakfast.

_POV –First Person_

My nose twitched when the smell of turkey bacon and toast floated into my nostrils. I opened my eyes and stretched with a yawn. I was still tired, but it was a rare occasion for my mom to cook breakfast. So I rolled out of bed, noting that Konan was no longer beside me, and made my way downstairs.

I noticed that the whole Akatsuki were down in the living room eating their breakfast and watching the morning news. That was a strange sight indeed.

"Uh…"

I blinked and rubbed my eyes, "Good…morning?"

"Good morning Rachel-chan!"

"Good morning Rachel-san."

"G'morning."

"Good morning."

"Morning, yeah."

At least half the Akatsuki love me.

"Good morning Tobi, Konan, Kisame, Sasori, and Deidara." I really didn't want to add the honorifics; it was _way _too early for that.

"Sasori-_san_," I gave him a 'Leave me alone I'm tired' look. To which he ignored. Of course his brat had to involve himself as well, "Deidara-_Sama_." Yeah that'll happen.

"Sama…?" Sasori looked oddly amused at this, "Uh-huh."

"That'll never happen in a million years."

Now the leader decided to include himself, "At the very least you should refer to my subordinates with –san." I sobbed in my mind.

"Yes Pein-sama," I sighed. Why must everyone make my life difficult?

I dragged myself into the kitchen, "You look like a zombie." I ignored my mother's comment and began making my plate, "Uggh." I heard her snigger as I dragged myself into the living room and sitting on the floor beside Tobi, who was still my favorite.

"Why are there so many wars? Should we prepare ourselves?" I almost laughed at Konan's question.

She was becoming quite talkative this morning. "Nah, they're not taking place here. Just in other parts of the world. I suppose a war could spread to these parts, but I doubt it'd happen anytime soon."

"As to why," I shoveled food in my mouth, chewed, and then swallowed.

"I don't know. Everyone has their reasons I suppose. Most of those aren't all out wars yet, they're just riots and people rising up against their tainted government." I honestly don't know much about politics or the world. My mom and I make it a point to stay far away from the news. It's quite depressing, and I'm pessimistic enough without talk of wars and constant death.

"They said there's a carnival coming soon Rachel-chan! Can you take Tobi?" I smiled at the masked man.

"I wish," I sighed, "but I'm not made of money, and you can't parade around in a mask here. It'll make people think you're some kind of murderous thief." I suppose that was a pretty accurate description of Madara-sama. Maybe not the thief part though.

"Awe, please Rachel-chan!"

I stood up and threw away my paper plate, and then walked into the kitchen with Tobi trailing behind me, "Please, please!"

I put my fork in the sink.

"Maybe Tobi…san," We went back into the living room. "Should Tobi call Rachel-chan, Rachel-_san_?" I stared at the television, which was now on the discovery channel. Ah yes, the wondrous lion devouring the lovely zebra.

"I would actually prefer it if you dropped the honorific altogether, but if you _have to_ use one. I'd prefer chan." He bounced up and down before sitting on the floor beside me.

"Rachel-chan can call Tobi, Tobi-kun if she wants," Awesome. I nodded, now completely entranced by the television. I swear it slowly controls minds. I think I'd be okay with that though.

**Das End**

* * *

><p><strong>Authoress' Notes 2<strong>

So just curious, is there anything amazing you want to see the Akatsuki do? In example, would you like to see them go to the Adventure Dome (which is a theme park), Disneyland, or perhaps they even crash a convention? Let me know either by review or message. I only ask because I have a few ideas/plans on what I'll have going on in upcoming chapters, but I'd like to know what the readers would like to see. Also, let me know how much you _love_ the story ;). You know you do. Deep down inside you yearn for updates.

Much love, D.

**Other Notes**

1. I don't recall how Tobi refers to Sasori since y'know… Sasori goes off to the land of the dead and Tobi takes his place.

2. I don't remember there being video games in the Naruto-verse, but I remember that the first movie was about a movie actress returning to Yukigakure, so I assume there are televisions. I just have no clue if they have the luxury of having video games.

3. Anyone that knows me _knows _that I have a pretty odd obsession with hats. I have a hat for practically every occasion. I buy hats all the time, despite the fact that I rarely wear them.

4. I'm sure you all were wondering where in the US they were. Or maybe you were content with the vagueness of their location? Who knows?

5. I honestly did this while in public school. I refuse to use public restrooms if I can help it.


	6. I can't take you anywhere!

A Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter Six: I can't take you anywhere

**Authoress' Note**

Hello all! So, I'm sorry for the slow updates. I've been a bit busy lately (strangely enough), but I'll try and get updates more often.

Much love, D.

**Disclaime****r**

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I **do** **not**, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

**Rating **

Rated T for language

**Warning! **

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be **A LOT** of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

* * *

><p><em><span>POV –First Person<span>_

"Wow," I breathed out.

Discovery channel _has got to be_ the most violent television program known to man. I mean, these carnivores are ripping their prey to shreds. I guess watching this with ten criminals in the room is probably the worst possible thing. They might get antsy and run off to wreck havoc.

"Let's watch something else?"

No one answered me. They just continued to stare at the carnage.

"Rae," My mom called to me, "Make sure you do your schoolwork. I'm sending you and a few of them to the grocery store and possibly the mall, depending on when you finish up." I sighed, why do_ I_ have to go grocery shopping? I _loathe_ grocery shopping, unless it's at Fresh n' Easy. Then I enjoy it a bit more.

"Hurry up Rachel," She went up stairs and into her room (or so I assume).

"Schoolwork," Hidan glanced at me, "You're still in the fucking academy?"

Well you're just in a lovely mood this morning, aren't you?

"No I'm not in the academy." I glared at the back of his head, "In this world we go to school till we're eighteen, depending on where you live."

"This world is indeed strange," My twin said. Well, he wasn't my twin, but he could be. I mean red hair and brown eyes? Huzzah! Although: he _was _considerably prettier, and paler than me.

"You don't know the half of it," I mumbled to myself, but being ninjas, they all heard me anyway.

"What takes so long to learn that you have to go till you're eighteen, hmm?"

Wonderful question; Answer: I don't know.

"Well," I tried to figure it out in my head, "We learn a variety of things…mathematics, literature, sciences, um…artsy stuff, languages if we chose one. We take physical fitness for like four years."

Deidara just stared at me.

"How is any of that helpful?"

Sasori gave an exasperated sigh, "Without mathematics you would not be able to calculate the distance in which you needed to throw a kunai at an enemy. Without literature you would not be able to read..."

He talked for like five minutes straight. Giving reasons why the subjects I listed were important. It was the longest I'd heard him speak. I was completely enthralled too. Not really.

"Maybe you should become an instructor, yeah."

I thought so too. I mean, Sasori would be an amazing teacher. I would _definitely_ not fail any classes if he was teaching them.

"Perhaps you should go back to school." Discussion adjourned.

"Does Rachel-chan speak any languages?" I loved Tobi's naïve innocent voice. It made me want candy.

"Yup," I looked at SpongeBob's face on the television screen, "I speak English and German. I know a bit of Spanish too."

"What are those? Tobi wants to know!" Well I assumed that yes you, Tobi, wanted to know the answer to a question _you _asked. "Well English is most widely known, and we're speaking it now. German is what they speak in Germany, Austria, and some parts of various other European countries. Spanish is pretty widely known here in America. They also speak it in Mexico, and Spain."

This earned me a lot of odd stares.

"I'm not going into detail," I ran a hand through my hair, "I have stuff to do and I _really _don't want to get into this right now."

With that I got up and trudged up the stairs.

_POV –Third Person_

"I want to play this first, yeah!" Deidara held up Left 4 Dead.

"No Sempai! Tobi wants to play this one!" Tobi clutched Assassin's Creed to his chest.

"How about I play this first _and then_ you two can bicker?" Kisame held Bioshock in his hand.

"Two words: Fuck. No. I'm playing this fucking game first!" Hidan was holding SAW so tightly it would have broken if it weren't for him holding the spine.

Sasori sighed and rubbed his temples. These four were going to be the death of him, despite him being an immortal puppet. "I am losing my patience," He looked directly at Deidara, who ignored him.

"Stop being a damn child," Kakuzu glared at his partner.

Hidan flipped him off and continued arguing.

Pein simply stood and went to the classroom where he had slept the previous night. He had a lot to do, and those imbeciles weren't helping by giving him a headache.

Konan followed him up the stairs shortly after.

"You were put in charge. _**So grow some balls and tell them to shut up**_," Zetsu looked pointedly at Itachi, "Hn."

Zetsu's black half growled and walked out of the living room and toward the glass door leading to the backyard. He wanted to see what sort of plant-life thrived in this place. And get away from the bickering fools in the other room.

"If you continue this foolery you will never get a chance to play the…game…you want," Itachi's voice caused all members in the living room to become silent, "Therefore wasting time and causing an infinite cycle of arguments to which there will be no winner."

Deidara glared at the Uchiha. Hidan flipped him off and told him to, "Go fuck himself." Kisame immediately became the image of goodness, since he respected his partner. Tobi became quieter as well, though not for the reasons that the other three thought.

"Kisame may go first," Itachi continued, "Tobi will go after, followed by Hidan and Deidara."

Deidara was pissed since he was last. Hidan was always pissed so it wasn't much of a change. Tobi was pretty happy, although he always was. Kisame was positively _beaming_ with pride and glee.

**TIME SKIP**

_POV –First Person_

I was finally done with schoolwork. I thought I'd spoon out my eyes if I stared at my laptop any longer.

With a sigh I shut my computer and got dressed.

Then I went downstairs to check on my villains; since I own them evidently.

I was happily surprised that no one killed anyone. Deidara was currently shooting zombies left and right while Tobi cheered him on. It was an interesting sight to say the least.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing you all in my house," I mumbled to myself, because I can.

"So," I glanced at them all, "Who wants to come to the store with me?"

"I'm staying here, yeah." I figured since you're practically glued to the television screen.

"I fucking do," Potty mouth. "Tobi wants to go!" That'll be awkward with his mask. "Um… can I come?" Poor blue man, I don't think that'll work. "I will accompany you as well." Thank god. Without my twin I'd chop off my own arm. I'm exaggerating. That'd be painful.

Kakuzu didn't even answer, he was reading a book. I have no clue where it came from either; probably the library by the fireplace. That's just an assumption though.

"You two can come in kitty form?" I pointed to my favorite person ever and my like…fourth or fifth favorite. Tobi seemed pleased, "Yay! Tobi loves being fluffy!" Not to mention, adorable.

"Eh," Kisame frowned, "I'll just stay here."

"Hidan and Sasori, you'll need some shoes. One minute."

I ran up the stairs, and went into my mom's room unannounced.

"I'm taking Sasori, Tobi as a kitten, and Hidan to the store. Do you have a list to give me?" My mom nodded and handed me a piece of paper, I folded it neatly and slipped it into my pocket. She then gave me her debit card. It made me feel all powerful. It also went into my pocket.

"I'll also be stealing some shoes," My mom nodded with a small smile.

"Be careful okay?" Why she said that I have no clue. "I'll have two ninjas and a ninja kitty with me…I'm sure I'll be 'okay.'" She laughed.

I grabbed two pairs of shoes and socks and ran back downstairs, "Here you go." I handed them to Hidan and Sasori. They fiddled with them, but being geniuses, they figured out how to put the shoes on.

"They are… large."

"I think they fit great. They're fuckin' ugly though."

I scrunched up my face in thought, "Wait here!" Within a few seconds I was up the stairs, and within a minute I had some converse and was downstairs again.

"Try these," I handed them to Sasori. He put them on and laced them up with a nice little bow, "These fit considerably better."

"Awesome," I then walked over to Tobi and took his hand, "To the kitchen we go." He swung our arms back and forth. "Stand there while I toss water on you." I then got a cup and filled it with cold water, throwing it on Tobi after.

**POOF!**

A small black kitten with a swirly orange face looked up from a pile of slightly damp clothes, clothes Tobi had been previously wearing.

"Come on," I picked him up, leaving the water and clothes on the floor; because I'm a hobo. I'm just kidding. I picked up the clothes and laid put them in the dryer so by the time we came home they'd be dry.

Then I went into the living room and stuck Tobi and my cell phone in my tote and rounded up my other two tagalongs.

We went through the front door, which I then locked, and stood outside my car.

"What is this fucking thing?" I love the 'F' word as much as anyone, but good grief.

"It's called a car; people in this world use it to get from place to place. It's much more effective than running everywhere." Seriously, could you imagine running _everywhere_?

I would positively die.

"How does one go about riding on one?"

I laughed, "Not riding _on_ one; riding_ in_ one," and then I laughed some more.

"You just open the door, sit down in the seat, and put on the seat belt. I'm driving so, that's all you two have to worry about really," I finally answered once my laughing ceased.

Sasori sighed.

"Why does everyone sigh around me?"

"Because you're a fucking idiot," That's not the answer I wanted.

"Well let's go, shall we?"

I had to help them open the car door, and then I had to help them put on their seatbelts. Not too difficult, but Hidan made it interesting.

He kept yelling and cussing at me, insisting that _he knew_ what to do and that _he didn't_ need help from_ a woman_.

I finally snapped and told him to, "Shut the fuck up."

He would've killed me if not for the seatbelt restraining him.

**TIME SKIP**

So we finally got to the super market. Unfortunately we _had to_ go to Wal-Mart. Well not had to, but I felt like it because it was closer and louder.

"This place is fucking huge!" The Wal-Mart greeter glared at Hidan. It was funny. "What the hell is all this shit?" A few mothers put their hands over their children's ears with sneers on their face.

"Stop fucking cussing," I whispered toward Hidan.

"Don't be a fucking hypocrite," Touché.

"I think you both should be silent so we can get what we came here for."

"I think I'm going to marry you someday," Sasori just raised an eyebrow. "I don't know. I just thought I'd say something random." He ignored me while I grabbed a cart and placed my bag in the little carrying spot. I heard a soft 'mew' and saw a pair of eyes gleam from within it. "Don't leave this bag okay Tobi? If you're a good boy I'll get you something awesome." He nodded and poked his head out to look around.

"First thing on the list," I grabbed it out of my pocket.

"Um…Okay, feminine hygiene stuff," Hidan flinched, "Fuck no!"

I blinked at his outburst, "You don't have a choice."

He glared, "Fine, but I refuse to set one fucking foot down that isle." I sighed, "Fine, fine." He's such a baby. I swear I should buy him a binky and a fucking diaper.

"Let's go," Ooh Sasori used a conjunction. I find that sexy. I don't actually, but no one but me will know that.

So the trip to female heaven and male hell was a fast one. I grabbed some tampons and whatnot and then I was out of there. Sasori was manly and just stood there the entire time, while Hidan stayed true to his word and stayed far away.

"Where is Hidan?" Did I mention he stayed so far away, that I lost him?

"Were you not watching him?" I should slap you. "Were _you_ not watching him Sasori-_san_?" He showed no emotion on his face, which made me sad. I really wish he would yell. It would amuse me.

"I will simply track his chakra signature," I don't care what you do as long as you find him before –

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"Or we could follow the sound of his yelling?"

Turns out he wasn't that far away. He was actually in the toy isle, yelling obscenities at a laughing tickle-me-Elmo doll. Yes, it _was _as disturbing as it sounds.

"Shh!" I shushed the screaming Hidan, "You're causing a scene. Now get over here before I…before I make disgusting vomit-worthy food for dinner!"

"Tch. You're a fucking bitch," but he shut up thankfully.

"Next…Food."

I think Hidan found his heaven. He tried putting anything he found remotely tasty looking into the cart. I had to tell him no thousands of times. He never listened to me though, he listened to Sasori; who had to reiterate the 'no' every time.

"Gross, we're not getting pig's feet," I gagged when I took it out of the cart and put it back on the shelf, "Why the hell not?" He glared down at me, since he's taller than me.

"Because they're fucking disgusting and I said no."

His nostrils flared in anger, "You have no fucking taste."

"I do, which is why we're _not _getting those. I don't care what animal they come from, we're not buying feet. End. Of. Discussion."

Sasori sighed for what seemed to be the millionth time today. I felt bad for him, having to put up with constant bickering; although maybe it's because we were taking so long at the store.

On our way to the register's, Hidan found his second heaven; electronics.

"Let's get this fucking T.V!" It was like 72 inches long. I swear. It was gigantic, and expensive.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"How do you expect me to pay for it, hmm?" Great now I sound like the blonde. Sasori noticed too, because he gave me a strange look that seemed to say, 'OMFJ.'

"I don't fucking care how you pay for the damn thing, or if you do at all! I just want this fuckin' T.V!"

Yes. Shout to the whole store that you wouldn't mind if I stole it.

"You're causing a scene," I yelled back, "Now get over here **now**!" I pointed to the ground beside me. I sound like a fucking parent. I think I'm gonna be sick.

"Don't tell me what to fucking do you bitch!"

A worker was timidly looking between us before approaching me, "Miss, if you don't refrain from yelling obscenities; I'll have to ask you to leave the store."

"I'm sorry," I gave him my best apologetic expression, "My…brother has several serious mental issues." That sentence made me feel awkward. Hidan and I as siblings would be unpleasant, because he'd probably kill me.

The employee nodded, "Please try to keep him calm."

"I will," I promised before walking over to Hidan.

"Please," I whispered, "Just be quiet till we leave the store okay?"

"Why the fuck should I?"

"Because if you don't, they'll kick us out; which means we won't get to pay for all this food. Which ultimately means you'll get nothing to eat."

That shut him up.

We got out of the store within a half hour, and after another ten minutes we were back home. I opened the garage, and parked my car on the street by the curb so we could unload groceries.

They helped me, and since they were big meaty men; I barely lifted anything. I mainly just pointed and told them where to put things.

After all that I closed the garage and we went back into the living room.

Now Kisame and Deidara were playing co-op on Left 4 Dead. Kisame was Francis, and Deidara was Louis. They were my two favorite characters.

I also noticed that Itachi and Kakuzu were missing. Well, maybe they weren't missing, but still. Point is: they were no longer in this room.

"So did you miss us?" Neither man answered me.

"Well then," I grumbled, "No food for you." It was an empty threat because I'd feed them regardless but, whatever.

"Time to change you back," I grabbed kitten Tobi from my tote and went into the laundry room and grabbed the clothes from the dryer he was previously wearing (they were warm now). Then I went upstairs into the bathroom.

I heated the water and then hugged him.

**POOF!**

Wet man-chest was in my face. Not that I was complaining.

I released him and handed him the clothes, turning my back when he began changing. "How much does Rachel-chan know?" Now, this question could be taken several ways.

I knew what Tobi, or rather _Madara-sama_, meant. However, he still used his Tobi-voice. I assume he used it because anyone could be listening, like my mom on the other side of the wall, in her room.

"Umm…"

What should I say? I could tell him the truth, and risk death and or pain. Or I could lie. Lying could easily be seen through though, and get me killed or mangled.

Choices, choices…

**Das End**

* * *

><p><strong>Authoress' Note 2<strong>

So another chapter done! Yay!

Please review, and whatnot. I will be uploading Chapter 7 fairly soon.

Much love, D.


	7. Life or Death Experiences, Lovely

A Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter Seven: Life-or-Death Experiences; Lovely.

**Authoress' Note**

Wow! So many reviews! Thank you to everyone once again! I cannot thank you all enough for reviewing, reading, adding this story to your alerts, etcetera.

Also, a special thanks goes out to **.L** && **XxDarkSarcasm1010xX **&&** xXSamoa. TeineXx **&&** Bookworm72**

You four are amazing! You review the most, and yeah. I really appreciate it! So for you four, this chapter is for you! 3

Much love, D.

**Disclaime****r**

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I **do** **not**, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

**Rating **

Rated T for language

**Warning! **

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be **A LOT** of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

_POV –First Person_

Why am I always the one to get into trouble?

I must have pissed off someone in a previous life, I swear.

Not only am I standing awkwardly _alone _in a bathroom with Tobi, but now he's shutting the door. I will probably not live to see tomorrow, or dinner for that matter.

"Answer me," Okay. Now his scary Madara-sama voice is coming out.

"I…I know about who you are," I then flailed my arms in front of my face, "but I won't say anything I swear!" In a flash I was lifted and thrown into the wall. Before I could say "Ow" he wrapped his hand around my throat loosely.

"No, you won't. Now tell me girl, what else do you know?"

"I," My hands were shaking, "I know… who's going to die, but that's it. I haven't watched all the episodes, but I know enough." I was happy that his hand was loose and not completely chocking me.

"Hmm… your knowledge could prove to be useful to us."

I smiled, "It could! I can help to make sure your minions don't die! And um… can I ask you a question?" He was weighing his options mentally. I could tell, because he tilted his head slightly to the side.

Finally, he nodded.

"Why did you open the box?"

I was curious as to why the all mighty sex god of supreme leadership, Madara-sama, would open something so carelessly.

"That is none of your concern."

You're an ass.

It is very much my concern. You're all mooching off my mother's food, Phillip's clothes, and you pose a serious threat to our health.

"Could you…perhaps…let me go?" I was feeling a bit light headed up here.

Oh, now I'm on the floor, "Ouch."

My butt is sore now. Thanks Madara-sama. That is sarcasm.

How dare you just let me go so suddenly with no warning?

"Get up," I did as I was told; "We will continue this conversation at a later time." Okay but wait, "Can I ask one more thing?" I received another nod, albeit a little reluctantly, "So you're not gonna kill me?" That sounded a lot more suicidal then I intended.

"Would you prefer to be killed?"

"Well no, but I'm still curious. I mean," I whispered, "You're Madara-sama."

He chuckled, although it made me feel cold inside. It was a hollow and dark laugh, but it was sexy nonetheless.

"You are a strange girl, but yes. I am indeed Madara Uchiha," I could almost _feel _the invisible smirk, "To answer your question; no. It would be far more beneficial to keep you alive."

Thank goodness I'm useful.

"Well," I sighed, "That's good news."

He chuckled his creepy chuckle, and opened the door. "Tobi wants Rachel-chan to make food! Tobi is hungry!" Well, good to know Tobi is back on the happy train. I swear I thought I was going to die in there.

"Okay Tobi…kun," I was still a bit shaky. What if he slits my throat while I sleep? What if he drowns me when I shower? Wait… how's that possible?

I walked down the stairs while Tobi practically skipped down them.

I saw that Kisame and Deidara were playing co-op on Left 4 Dead 2, and they were playing on the floor; practically glued to the TV screen. It seemed that Hidan and Kakuzu were arguing over…something. Sasori and Itachi were on the couch reading. I don't what exactly, probably one of my mom's incredibly difficult books on finance.

"Hurry Rachel-chan," Now Tobi was pretty much yanking my arm out of its socket.

"Ow, don't pull so hard," I groaned in pain. Seriously, he may not kill me now, but he's sure doing a lovely job at putting me in pain. If my arm gets dislocated I'm going to kill him. Or attempt to.

Since I know I'd probably fail.

I'm proud to admit that I wouldn't make a very good assassin.

Much to my relief, we were in the kitchen. So now my arm was happily released. I rubbed my shoulder, "You're so mean Tobi-kun." His swirly mask faced toward me, "but Tobi is a good boy!" The hell you are! You're a sadistic, cruel, sexy, evil, monster!

I sighed, "Yes, yes Tobi-kun. You're a good boy." He hugged me, lifting me off the ground. Wow, this is painful. What is this, suffocate Rachel day?

"Can't…breathe," He let me go, although he took his time doing it.

I took in gulps of breath.

"Okay," I jumped up and sat on the counter, "What would you like for a snack?" I couldn't fix him a meal, because well… dinner will be soon. Can't have him spoiling his dinner now can I?

"Tobi wants candy…or ramen!" He can't have ramen, that's what they're all having for dinner; for the rest of their stay here actually. That's all we can afford to feed them.

"Um…what kind of candy? Chocolate? Pixie sticks?" He put his hand under his chin, making the all famous 'Thinking' pose.

"Tobi wants pocky!" I love pocky. It's so healthy and delicious. Well, maybe not healthy. Actually, it could be. Just not in super large amounts.

So I got off my comfy hard counter top and went into the pantry. I grabbed a box of chocolate pocky and brought it to Tobikins.

"Thank you Rachel-chan!" Queue the bone crushing hug of eternal doom.

"Ouch," I winced from the lack of air. Tobi let me go; quickly this time. And then I left the kitchen and went back into the living room. Everyone was doing the exact same thing they were doing previously.

"Lazy bums," I whispered. Although they_ were_ ninjas, well, _still_ are; so they heard me anyways. They're just lazier than I remember them being in the show.

Anyway, I saw Tobi run up the stairs and into the room I knew Konan and Pein-sama had been occupying the entire day (or so I assume since I did go to the store a bit earlier).

I figured they were having some amazingly secretive meeting.

So I decided to run upstairs and into my room to grab my cell phone. I tried, briefly, to hear the leaders' conversation. Unfortunately, it was entirely silent. That was both odd and sad. Odd since our walls are super thin in my house, and sad because I_ really _wanted to know what they were talking about.

I sighed and made my way back downstairs.

I plopped right beside Sasori, safely away from the weasel of doom (a.k.a. Itachi).

"What cha reading?" I eyed the book in Sasori's hands, "A book on anthropology." Ah, the study of other human cultures.

"Find anything interesting?"

"Yes actually," He flipped the page.

With that he stopped talking. I figured that meant our conversation was over. Well that's just rude Sasori. Don't even explain what you find interesting.

I pouted and decided to pester someone I don't like very much.

"Hey Itachi," I received an elbow in my side, "I mean…Itachi-_san_." Damn Sasori's elbows are boney…well, _woody_. Point is: it hurt.

"Hn," Not like I was expecting anything else, but still. He's rude. Well, not rude; just something close to it.

"What are _you_ reading?" I propped myself up on my knees and looked over Sasori's head to stare intently at the book in Itachi's hands.

He didn't answer me, and that made me sad.

So sad that I hugged Sasori, rather awkwardly I might add.

"Get off," His voice was slightly muffled.

"No, Itachi-san made me sad," I buried my face in his hair, "Now you suffer."

I heard laughter and someone say, "You enjoying yourself Danna, hmm?" Two guesses on who said it, and the first doesn't count.

I was promptly thrown, and landed on the floor, "That was mean!" I rubbed the side of my face where I landed. "You're not my third favorite anymore! You've been demoted," I pointed to my favorite blue man, "You've been promoted!"

Kisame just smiled, "Thanks!"

Damn right you should be thankful.

"I should care, why?" I glared at the hot redhead on the couch. "You should care," I elaborated, "Because I'm amazingly merciful and allow you to live in my house, eat my food, and wear my clothes!"

"One, it is your mother's home. Two, I don't eat. And three, I only wear your clothes because you were so persistent that I do so."

If I were animated there would definitely be steam coming out of my ears, "I'll be damned if I let you in my pants again!" Wait…that came out _horribly _wrong. "I-I meant…you aren't allowed to _wear _my pants again! Fuck."

No one was listening to my explanation. They were too busy laughing.

"Oh, so you've been in her pants Sasori-Danna, hmm?" Deidara and Kisame were cracking up. Kakuzu and Hidan even stopped arguing to laugh at my embarrassment.

Well, I guess it's time to throw out my embarrassment and embrace the weird side.

"At least he's getting some. What about you four hmm? You're all deprived of pussy!" Yes, I'm incredibly vulgar. That and I have no shame apparently.

At least it shut up the hyenas. They were now staring at me like I grew four heads, which for all I know I could've. I shifted from foot to foot under their unwavering stares. It was making me self-conscious.

"Didn't you get fuckin' splinters?" That was an unnecessary and unneeded mental image Hidan.

"Well," I huffed and sat beside Sasori again, "I don't mind pain when I'm getting _so much_ pleasure."

Sasori was staring at me as if to say 'What the hell is wrong with you?'

Deidara was completely baffled, while Hidan looked as if he were contemplating something. Kakuzu was chuckling while grabbing a book (on Finance) and sitting down beside me to read. Kisame was laughing his ass off because he wasn't an idiot and knew I was lying.

"She is not telling the truth brat," Sasori _had to_ spoil my fun. Deidara laughed slightly, "I knew that, un."

"You're so mean Sasori-san," I frowned, "He totally believed it!"

I whispered to Sasori, "Did you see his face?" His lips curled into a smirk. I felt proud, like a mother goose is proud of her swimming baby geese.

Although, I don't know how that analogy is relevant right now.

"I can hear you, yeah!" Well who broke your glass slipper? Huh Cinderella?

"I know you can hear me," I rubbed my temples and feigned discomfort, "Could you be quieter? Your voice is giving me a headache."

**Wham!**

Back onto the floor I go.

I could barely breathe with his arms around my neck, "I hope you suffocate!" Well, you're making your dream a reality.

"Stop that! She's not a ninja like Tobi; you could really cause some damage!" At least Kisame loves me.

My vision had small black spots on the edges. I think I was finally going to black out.

**Whoosh!**

I gasped in some breathe and coughed a little, "This is all too familiar." Seriously, Deidara must have an obsession with killing me or something. Although, I'm sure most of them had that obsession. They just haven't made it known verbally, _yet_.

I looked up to see Kisame restraining Deidara, "I'd run if I were you Rachel-san." So formal, but I'll listen.

I ran up the stairs as if I were being chased by a vicious horde of zombies. Then I slammed my bedroom door and locked it. I heard pounding seconds later, "Open this door! I'm going to **kill you**, yeah!"

Someone forgot their happy pills this morning.

"Yes, because _that_ will make me want to open the door!" I screamed at the white door. Seriously, why would I open the door to someone who just announced they were going to murder me?

That would be stupid.

"Open. The. Door!" It rattled under Deidara's fists pounding against it.

"Troubles, Rachel-chan?" Oh my god.

I turned around slowly, like they do in horror films, to see a masked Tobi sitting at my vanity on the other side of the room.

"How did you? When did you?" I was sputtering in my severe confusion.

"One question at a time Rachel-chan," I didn't like the way he said my name. It was like he was mocking me. Actually I'm pretty sure he was mocking me.

"When did you come in here?" He tilted his head, "I came in here shortly after you left actually."

That's creepy. I wonder what he did while I was downstairs.

"Well…_why_ are you in here?"

"I needed to make sure you could be trusted of course. I searched your room thoroughly." Now that is _super_ creepy. You my dear frenemy are a creeper.

"Um…okay," I really had nothing to say to that, "Find anything…interesting?"

I noticed that the pounding stopped. I guess Deidara was tired.

"Indeed I did."

"Um…aren't you worried _at all_, that someone will hear you?" He chuckled, "Silly Rachel-chan. I put up a silencing jutsu; no one can hear anything coming out of this room."

I felt stupid for not thinking of that.

"So…what's up?" This is extremely awkward.

"You may leave now. I believe Deidara-_sempai _has left." I'm glad he despises honorifics as much as I do.

I saluted him and left my room.

I went downstairs to see my mom down there, "Hey what's up?" She smiled at me when I sat beside her, "Nothing just getting everyone's orders before I go to McDonald's." Oh my god I love that place.

"Can we afford that?" She shrugged, "If everyone gets a kids meal, or orders off the dollar menu we shouldn't break the bank."

"In that case I'd _love_ a chicken nugget happy meal with ranch and a sweet tea." I felt the couch move beside me and almost screamed when I saw a familiar blonde staring menacingly at me.

"I'll have what she's having," he looked like he was going to explode.

I moved so I was practically on my mom's lap, "Uh…you're a little too old for this, aren't you?" I laughed nervously, "I'm just reliving childhood memories." She pushed me off and stood. She walked around and got everyone's orders. It was then that I noticed that Pein-sama and Konan were now down here, sitting at the dining table (that we never use).

"I'll be back in half an hour." That's strange, "Why so long?"

"There are _a lot_ of orders. I'm sure it'll take awhile for me to make sure everything's right."

My mom waved goodbye to us and left.

I was feeling dead, because now a certain satanic blonde was smirking in an evil way, "Why're you scooting away Rachel-chan?" I continued scooting until I came to a roadblock.

"Don't do anything hasty." I put my hands up in defense.

He looked like he was going to lunge, but then I was saved. By a hyper man child who was sometimes a very scary person.

He sat right between Deidara and me, separating us indefinitely.

It made me very, very happy.

"Tobi-kun… I love you." I may not love Madara-sama very much right now, since he went through my room without my consent, but I sure as hell love Tobi. He always becomes the object of Deidara's fury; saving me. He's_ like_ the ultimate distraction.

Somehow that sentence reminds me of Naruto. Since Naruto_ is_ the ultimate distraction. I still think he's awesome though. I wish he was the one who was turned into a kitten and put on my porch.

"Get out of the way!" Ooh, Deidara's so mad his speech impediment forgot to pop up.

"No! Deidara-sempai shouldn't hurt Rachel-chan! She's Tobi's friend." He proclaimed that wonderfully. I hope you heard that Pein-sama **and **Itachi. You two can't do anything bad to me because I'm Tobi's friend. Kukukuku, my evil plan is in motion. Oh great, I'm laughing out loud again; well, cackling.

Oh look, there's Kisame. So _he_ was the roadblock.

"Hey Kisame," I whispered, "Shield me from harm!" I hopped over him and squeezed beside him and Hidan, who was really pissed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you! Move your fucking foot, bitch!"

I ignored him and proceeded to huddle into Kisame, hoping he was an invisible cloak that would shield me from Deidara.

"Move out of the way you idiot, un!" Deidara began strangling Tobi, which caused them to fall onto the floor.

I looked around and noticed the remote was in Kakuzu's lap while he read. I then crawled across Hidan (who cussed at me and tried to pull my hair out), Sasori (who sighed), and finally I made it onto Kakuzu who lowered his book, "Get off."

I obliged after I stole the remote, then I stood and threw the remote at Deidara.

**BAM!**

I just about laughed my ass off when it hit him in the back of the head. Tobi got away safely and ran behind me, using me as a human shield. I shook when I heard Deidara _growl _in anger.

"AH!" I ran, with Tobi following closely behind as we ran to the glass door, I flung it open, and we continued to run across the backyard. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU BOTH!" I'm fully terrified now. I noticed Zetsu standing beside a palm tree when we ran by. I then noticed the most angelic thing in the whole world. I picked up the green hose and quickly turned it on.

Deidara tackled Tobi to the ground, so I had no choice. I had to drench them both.

**POOF!**

Two small kittens were in the same position Tobi and Deidara were previously in.

I ran over and separated them. "Can you do me a favor Zetsu?" I looked at the plant man. He raised an eyebrow and nodded, "Can you put these clothes in the laundry room when you're done out here?"

"Of course. _**Hell no. We're not your maids**_." My eye twitched as the black and white side argued with one another.

"Okay…well, thanks?" I went back inside and shut the door.

"What happened?" Konan looked curiously at the kittens in my hands when I entered the living room.

"I turned the hose on them. Deidara-san was being bratty, and poor Tobi-kun was caught in the crossfire." I handed Deidara to Sasori, "He's on time out." I saw an evil twinkle in that redhead's eyes. I swear.

"Now to turn you back…again," I sighed.

I went to the bathroom downstairs this time, because I'm lazy, and put him in the sink. I turned it on warm, and then hugged him.

**POOF!**

"I think I've seen you naked _far too many_ times."

I let him go and felt stupid, "Damn I forgot to bring you clothes. Wait here please!" I ran through the living room and back upstairs. I went to my mom's room and stole more of Phillip's unlimited supply of clothes (I wonder if he'll ever come back for them?) and grabbed some jeans and a t-shirt. Then I grabbed some boxers.

What I saw when I reached the top of stairs was quite weird though.

Tobi was jumping up and down…naked; in the living room. Luckily the Akatsuki were looking away, well most. Some were watching television or reading.

I sighed and ran down the stairs. I threw the clothes at Tobi and closed my eyes. I mean, he did have a kickass body, but… I don't want to check him out with _everyone _in the room. Wait, I changed my mind. I have no dignity left, so I opened one eye.

"Why can't I be fuckin' nude?" With that, Hidan started whipping off his clothes.

Well, this'll be a nice sight for my mom to come home to.

**Das End**

**Authoress' Note 2**

So Chapter 7 is done. Let me know what you think in a review! Thanks once more, and I'll have chapter 8 up soon.

Much love, D.


	8. Pain, Pein, & Food

A Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter Eight: Pain, Pein, & Food

**Authoress' Note**

Now time for chapter 8! :D Thanks to my wonderful readers! You guys are awesome!

Much love, D.

**Disclaime****r**

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I **do** **not**, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

**Rating **

Rated T for language

**Warning! **

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be **A LOT** of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

_POV –First Person_

Not only was there a naked Tobi in the room, who was _absolutely refusing_ to put on clothes, but now there was a naked Hidan. Ah yes, my house has become a wonderland of nudity.

I heard the garage open and after a few seconds, it closed.

"Please put your clothes back on," I got down on my knees and prayed to whatever god there was; Jashin-sama, Allah, ANYONE. My mom is going to think I threw a sexy party without her.

"Pein-sama," I crawled toward him, "_Please _tell them to put their clothes back on!" He ignored me.

Well, that's not very nice at all.

I frowned and proceeded to resort to drastic measures. This includes, but is not limited to; hugging, crying, screaming, yelling, and flat out begging.

So I latched onto Pein-sama's legs, and whined, "Please, please, please, _please_!"

"What the **HELL** is going on here?"

Wow. I didn't even hear my mom come in; maybe _she's_ a ninja?

"Rachel," She scolded me, "Why are they naked?" She pointed to the naked Hidan on the couch, and the naked Tobi still having a spazz attack.

"And _why_ are you on the floor, hugging his legs, saying 'Please'?"

I just sat there, and buried my face into Pein-sama's legs.

"Rachel…." Oh no. Now she's tapping her foot. Not a good sign. "If you don't answer me in the next minute you will get no food Missy." Damn. My one weakness! Well, one of my many weaknesses.

"Fine," I sucked in a breath, "Tobi and Deidara were turned into kittens because Deidara was chasing us, and Tobi got in the way so I got him soaked too; so they both turned into kittens." I took another breath, "And so I left Deidei as a kitty and turned Tobi back into a human, and now he's refusing to wear clothes, and Hidan got jealous so he flung off his clothes, and I was begging Pein-sama to make them put their clothes back on, but he _ignored_ me!"

My mom blinked a few times, "Um…well...What?"

"Can we just fuckin' eat?" I unhinged myself from Pein-sama's legs to thwack Hidan on the head, "Shut up!" He stood up and looked like he was going to hit me back, but luckily I ran and hid behind my favorite shield, "Kisame save me!"

I swear I seen his head move to the side and glance at Itachi. You don't need his approval!

"Move the fuck out of the way fish face! I need to teach that little bitch a lesson!" On a side note, Hidan looks delicious when he's angry and naked.

"Who wants food?" Good save mom, good save.

"We'll finish this later whore," Oh? So I was a bitch, and now I'm a whore? You're an asshole Hidan.

"Get some clothes on first please."

Why doesn't Hidan ever yell at my mom as often as he yells at me? That's just plain unfair.

Luckily, Tobi _and_ Hidan listened and put on their clothes; although Hidan kept his shirt off. Not that anyone was complaining. I mean…he has **amazing **abs.

So all the Akatsuki members –well; nine members, one subordinate, and my mom went back to get their food from my mom's car (since she can't carry it all by herself). Sasori came up to me. "What should we do with him," Poor Deidei being held up by his neck fat.

I gave a dramatic sigh, "Well _I guess_ I can turn him back."

The kitty glared at me, I just smiled and poked his nose, "Poor Deidei kitty!" I plucked him from Sasori's grasp and skipped up the stairs, "Tell my mom I'll be down in a minute!" Sasori better have nodded, because if he didn't I'll be sad.

So I did my thing, which required me to dunk Deidei in warm water and hug him.

He had calmed down considerably since he no longer looked at me with the intent to kill. Oh wait, his intent to kill is still there; it's just a bit duller than normal.

Afterwards, we walked down the stairs and got us some GRUB!

**MINI TIME SKIP**

"So I've been thinking," Kisame looked like he was daydreaming, "Can we make or buy some new weapons? 'Cause I feel lost without Samehade."

"On a related note, may we borrow your rings? And may we use your backyard to train?" At least Pein-sama asked. If I were awesome like him, I wouldn't have asked.

"NO weapons!" My mom looked panicked at the thought of them wielding dangerous objects. Not that I blamed her; I feel the same way. "Yeah…people don't carry weapons in this day and age…well, not unless you're in a gang." They seemed to understand the gang thing, since they've all been living on the TV.

"You can make fake ones though? Like your cosplay props, right Rachel?"

"Yeah, good idea mom," I smiled at her from my spot on the floor, "We'll get you some stuff at the craft store. And yes to both your questions Pein-sama. Just be careful around the pool."

"We are ninjas," Konan looked at me like I was a bit stupid, which I probably am for warning them about that.

"Hey!" I just thought of the best thing ever!

They all looked at me, "Kisame-san can you fill the pool with clean water?" I totally remember that one jutsu he does that makes amazing water shoot out of his mouth.

"Um…sure," He grinned, showing me his razor sharp teeth. I felt the urge to hide behind Konan. So I embraced it, but I did so in a non-offensive way. I don't want to make Kisame sad, because I love him!

"Oh Rachel, I got a call from a few of your teachers (**1**). You're _failing_?" Awe shucks, I thought she wouldn't find out; although I don't have the slightest idea _why _I thought that.

"I can explain!"

"Well please do," She looked a bit angry, or rather, _furious_.

"You see…with all the craziness of the Akatsuki coming here I got sidetracked!"

"They got here two days ago. Try again."

"I…was caught on the path of life?"

"You need to get your grades up, or do I have to put you back in regular school?" I frowned. So mean. Oh no, now she's stroking her imaginary beard! This can't bode well for me.

"You know… these guys are criminals right? So they're probably _very_ smart."

Why oh why must she remember what I say when I ramble on and on about anime and manga characters?

"…yes," I can't deny it now.

"Hmm… so who'd be the best at Psychology, Geometry, and Personal Finance?" I knew this was coming.

"None of them," I tried to keep a straight face.

"Actually," Yes Sasori, _please_ join the conversation, "Kakuzu-san is probably the best at anything mathematical. Itachi-san or Pein-sama would probably be excellent at assisting with psychology." Well, it won't be Itachi teaching me. I refuse.

"Why can't someone super smart like Madara teach me?"

Oh shit. Did I just say that out loud?

"What did you say?" The ever so silent Itachi questioned my slip up. I'm so screwed.

"I…I said MY DANNA (**2**)!" Sasori raised an eyebrow, Tobi was completely silent (probably going over ways to kill me in his head), and Konan and Pein-sama were just staring at me. Not a good sign.

"He's not _your _Danna, un!"

"Maybe he is! What? Is poor Deidara-chan jealous?" I laughed, but he was glowing red. I'll assume it's a mixture of my baby voice and the female honorific I just used on Deidei.

"Are you implying we are married? Or that I am your master?" Good question Sasori.

"Maybe I'm implying both!" I felt a bit victorious.

"ANYWAY," My mom really did know how to make a room focus on her.

"I'll think about who'll be the best to help you out, and after the weekend I'll let you know." Oh right, today's Friday.

"Also, tell me what kind of weapons everyone wants to make and I'll get the supplies tomorrow." Everyone nodded, except for the silent Tobi; the silent Tobi that was staring at _me_.

I'm shaking in fear. Normally that would be sarcasm, but right now I'm actually serious. Madara is fuckin' scary as hell. And I'm probably going to get killed later on this evening.

"Come on Rachel-chan! You promised to show Tobi how to draw chibi Tobi!" I did not. Don't lie.

"Okay have fun!" No! How dare you mom! Don't smile! How can you forget that Tobi is Madara-sama? I told you before! You should've remembered! (**3**)

"Hurry Rachel-chan," His voice was still Tobi's but it still sounded evil. He grabbed my arm roughly and dragged me up the stairs. I'm going to have bruises from this. I can just feel them forming. They'll be all blue and purple and gross; in the shape of Madara's hand.

"Gah! Slow down," Seriously, I almost tripped!

So we're in my room, the door is shut, the silencing jutsu is placed, and now I'm fucked.

"I will allow you a few moments to explain yourself," His voice was scary and void of emotion; that's just eerie.

"I…I…You see what had happened was –"

**POW!**

A very strong fist punched me in the stomach, causing me to gasp. I collapsed on the floor from all the pain. I will definitely have a horrible bruise on my stomach.

"You almost gave away my identity. If you make this mistake again, the consequences will be much more severe." I felt pain explode from my scalp from Madara yanking my hair. Ow. I hate it when people pull my hair.

I was forced to look at his swirly mask. There was a faint red glow from his eye hole. Luckily, he didn't seem to want to rape my mind today. Thank Jashin-sama.

"Do you understand?"

I was in too much pain to nod, so he helped me by using his free hand to move my head up and down.

"Y-yes Madara-sama," I just wanted to sleep now.

"Good girl," He flung me to the side, which caused me to hit a wall.

"Now show me how to work this contraption." He grabbed my laptop and held it up as if it weighed nothing, which to him; it was probably as light as a feather.

I got up shakily, swaying slightly, and walked toward the bed.

Madara sat down closest to the wall, and I sat beside him. He's so lucky I'm a bit of a sadist or I'd refuse to help him right now.

I showed him how to work the laptop, flinching every time pressure was put on my bruises. I noticed the bruises already starting to form on my arms. My eyes watered a bit, "You could have just yelled at me you know." He looked over from the laptop and at my arms, "I could have, but I doubt it would have been as effective as physical discipline." He chuckled, and that made my skin crawl. "You would make a poor kunoichi Rachel-chan," He placed his hand over the bruise. I flinched when he squeezed my arm.

"Ow," I tried to yank it away.

"You see? Perhaps you should learn to show more resilience to pain," He put more pressure on the bruises, "Shh." I blinked away the water in my eyes. "Stop please," He let go FINALLY!

So I went into the closet and put on a long sleeved shirt, which was painful by the way. Stupid Madara! He just _had _to punch me in my tummy.

I left the closet to see Madara and my laptop gone.

He better not break it. If he did I'd…buy a new one I guess? I mean obviously me vs. Madara equals lots of pain on my behalf.

So I decided to do the only logical thing to do after being brutally beaten (okay I'm exaggerating, but that's what it felt like): sleep.

_POV –Third Person_

Tobi exited Rachel's room with her laptop, and went into the room beside it (the classroom) unnoticed; like a good ninja.

"Where'd the little bitch go?"

Staci, Rachel's mother, sighed. "She went to show Tobi something awhile ago. Now they're probably sleeping. It's pretty late."

Deidara put in a movie titled '_Hostel Part One_' and pressed play. Everyone seemed to enjoy the movie. Halfway through Staci fled to the sanctuary of her own room for some much needed sleep. Shortly after Konan and Pein left to the classroom where they had a super secret meeting with Madara about the earlier name slip, and their plans in the current world they were stuck in.

Downstairs the rest of the Akatsuki members were entranced by the sheer brutality of the movie. Most were reminiscing in their minds of previous kills in which they did similar things.

Hidan then got up, "Where are you going?" His partner, though he loathed it, had to keep his partner in check. Kakuzu preferred to keep the Jashinist out of as much trouble as possible, since he was always on cleanup duty when Hidan caused trouble.

"I don't care what those bitches' rules are; Jashin-sama hasn't had a sacrifice for two days too long." Kakuzu weighed the options and answered, "Just sacrifice a lowly creature that won't be missed. We can't afford to make any mistakes here." Hidan glared, "Shut the fuck up. I'll sacrifice whatever Jashin-sama wants me to sacrifice!" Kakuzu rolled his eyes in annoyance.

After Hidan left, Sasori looked to Kakuzu, "Was that truly wise?"

"Honestly? I don't know, nor do I care."

Sasori nodded faintly and continued to read through the magazine in his lap, "What are you looking at, un?" Deidara looked over Kisame to look in Sasori's lap (**4**).

"Art." Deidara contorted his face in repulsion, "You call _that_ art, hmm?" He pointed to a painting titled, 'Water Lilies' (**5**).

"Art is something that endures the test of time beautifully and gracefully. True art is eternal beauty (**6**). So yes, _this_ is art."

Deidara sighed, "While I respect your view as a fellow artist; you are wrong, yeah. Art is something that blossoms for a minute before withering away (**6**)."

"That would be where you're wrong brat." Sasori flipped the page.

"No, that would be you who are wrong Danna."

Kisame sighed, "Can you not start this? It's already late, and I don't want to listen to you two bicker about 'art this' and 'art that'!"

Deidara glared at Kisame's head, "You wouldn't know art if it latched onto your face and blew it clean off, yeah."

"That would not be art. It would simply be a nuisance. Your petty explosions are nowhere near true art," Sasori continued to study the picture of a famous sculpture on the page.

This discussion continued into the night, causing Itachi to vacate the room and seek shelter in the classroom. Kisame just about killed himself in annoyance. Kakuzu was a golden fortress though. He was just counting money, although, no one knew where he found it all.

Zetsu was nowhere to be found, because he left the room long before this argument got out of hand.

After awhile Deidara fell asleep. Kakuzu turned off the lights and TV muttering about, "Ungrateful brats. Wasting electricity; wasting money."

After a few hours went by, a deranged looking Hidan slide back into the house carrying a small body under his arm.

**TIME SKIP**

_POV –First Person_

I woke up the next morning feeling slightly refreshed, but very much bruised. I was very sore around my stomach; the slightest movement caused me pain. My arms were no better. 

"Ah!" A loud, and familiar, scream echoed through the house. I jumped up, wincing as I did so, and made my way down the stairs; quickly, but carefully.

The sight I saw in the dining room was a horrible sight indeed.!"

**To be continued…**

**Authoress' Note 2**

Hey! I changed POV's; haven't done that in awhile.

So I have one vote for taking the Akatsuki to a con, and one vote for taking them to the strip. Hmm…I'm tempted to do both.

Leave a review and let me know if you liked the fic, if you didn't, what could be improved, etcetera. Also, let me know what you'd like to see happen, or what you think is gonna happen! Insert smiley face.

Much love, D.

**Other Notes**

1. When you do online school, your teachers call either you, or your parents.

2. XD My friend Gracie came up with this cover. Since even _she_ can't stop herself from saying Madara instead of Tobi.

3. Lots of exclamation points.

4. That sounds really perverted.

5. by Monet.

6. Spoken word-for-word in…Shippuden episode…19, was it?


	9. Blood, boredom, & bad ideas

A Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter Nine: Blood, boredom, & bad ideas

**Authoress' Note**

Welcome back to another chapter. :D Sit back, relax, grab some popcorn, and read! ^_^

Sorry for taking so long to get this chapter up. _ I had a small case of writer's block, but it's gone now!

Much love, D.

**Disclaime****r**

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I **do** **not**, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

**Rating **

Rated T for language

**Warning! **

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be **A LOT** of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

* * *

><p><em><span>POV –First Person<span>_

A bloody_ corpse_ was lying on our dining room table. My mom was passed out on the floor, I suppose she screamed herself into la-la-land, and now I'm screaming.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," I put a hand over my mouth in case I decided to puke.

"Stop fuckin' screaming!"

I turned and ran out of the room, and sat down between Kisame and Konan. My breathing was out of whack, but I finally calmed down enough to scream, "Who the fuck did that?"

Kakuzu pointed to a laughing Hidan, whose laugh sounded incredibly insane at the moment. It was creepy.

"Why? Do you even know who that is?"

Hidan just kept laughing, so Deidara decided to butt-in, "You mean; who _was_ it, yeah."

I glared at him, "Nobody asked you!" He glared back, "Hey! You never specified who you were talking to, un!" I was so pissed off, but at the same time I was a little panicked. I mean, I knew the Akatsuki killed people, and I know Hidan does sacrifices. I was really hoping none of that would happen _in my house_ though.

Oh the shenanigans the Akatsuki get into.

"I told you no sacrifices!"

Hidan stopped laughing, "Why the fuck would I listen to a little girl?" At least he didn't call me a whore or a bitch this time.

"You should listen to me, because you can't just kill people here! You get arrested here, put in prison for life, _or _you get the death sentence!" Although, judging by the look on Hidan's face, all he heard was, 'blah blah blah.'

"We will begin training today, everyone report outside; except Tobi." Thank you Pein-sama; for not only _ignoring me_ completely, but leaving Tobi in here with me and a passed out mother. Oh and let's not forget the body on the dining room table! I sighed, dramatically, and watched everyone go outback. Then, I mentally cried when I realized I was left alone with Tobi.

"Can you do me a favor?" Although I hate to ask _him_, but considering he's the only strong person in this room…

"Hn," Wow. It really _is _the official Uchiha syllable. It's so weird too, because he still sounds like Tobi.

"I'll assume that meant, 'yes Rachel'," I narrowed my eyes at a random wall, "Can you pick my mom up and put her on the couch, please?"

He did as I asked, although he pretty much_ threw_ her on the couch. I guess I should've been more specific.

"Okay now could you –"

"Tobi already did you a favor." Okay. Be an asshole. I'm not feeding you later. I'm gonna let you starve.

"Well I need you to do another…_please_?" I swear I saw red glow in that one eyehole. It made my legs feel like their bones were just replaced with pudding. Not jello, because I hate jello. So pudding works; chocolate pudding to be exact.

"I will assume it involves the body?" Wait I just had an epiphany.

"Can you go get Zetsu please?" He hopped off to get Zetsu and I sat on the couch, avoiding eye contact with the completely sliced up corpse in the dining room. I could see it in my peripheral vision.

Anyway, I like Madara a bit more. He doesn't grind me about the whole 'use honorifics with our names' thing. That and he just said 'I' instead of 'Tobi'. I think he's losing his touch, but shh. I won't tell. Even though I should, because he's a Meanie.

"You sent Tobi to get me. _**What do you want**_?" Well Mr. Black Zetsu, aren't you a ray of sunshine?

"Can you…_dispose_…of that…dead body?" I'm not going to prison for having a dead body in my house. I'll clean up the blood when he's done, or maybe I'll ask Madara? I mean, he _has to be_ nice to me. Well, he doesn't have to, but I think he should. Since if he's mean to me people will get suspicious, I mean Tobi _is_ a sweetie pie.

Zetsu nodded, grabbed the body and draped it over his shoulder. Then he made his way outback. I suppose he prefers to eat outside.

So now I was bored. I stared at the blood on the table and contemplated how to get it off.

"Rachel-chan is taking this well," Now he's using his super-Tobi voice.

"Yeah…I don't know. I guess I really would make a pretty awesome coroner." Seriously, I'd be an _amazing _coroner. Unless the bodies got up and walked around. Then I'd freak the fuck out, because I don't approve of zombies. They're cool, but only if you got unlimited ammo, badass guns, and the zombies are on the TV screen.

"Hn," Back to the silent treatment I see.

I then began to poke my mom's arm, "Mom, mom, mom, mom, momma, momma, momma, momma, mum, mum, mum, mum, Staci, Staci, Staci, Staci–"

**Thwack! **

"OW!" Madara, or Tobi, or whatever I should call him; just _hit_ me!

I rubbed the side of my head and glared at his right hand. If I become a cannibal, I'm gonna eat that specific hand, because it hit me.

"Shut up," I opened my mouth, but then I shut it. Better listen to the big, bad, scary ninja. If I defy him I'll get hit again. His punches, slaps, etcetera. They hurt.

"Does Rachel-chan want to play a game with Tobi?"

I'm terrified, "Does this game involve the injury and or destruction of me, my mother, or the house?" He shook his head and I breathed in relief, "Then my answer is yes."

"We could play Jan-ken-pon," I shook my head. I can only play rock-paper-scissors so many times before I implode.

"How 'bout truth or dare?" I smirked, or at least, I tried to. This is a much better game. I shall kill Madara by making him do embarrassing tasks. He nodded and it was on. "Okay so I'll go first, because y'know. I'm a lady and such," I like to ramble, "Truth or dare?"

"Dare!" I'm glad you're so daring Tobi, or should I say, Madara?

"I dare you to go outback and hug Pein-sama." I grinned in a gleeful fashion. This will be fun to watch. Now if only I had my camera…

"Okay!" With that he took off running to the wondrous land of outback training. I followed, but stayed inside the safety of my own house. The glass door will protect me.

Pein-sama was glomped, but since he's a ninja he stayed upright. Although he raised an eyebrow at Tobi, who I assume blabbed that_ I_ dared him. I watched Pein-sama walk to the door and slide it open, causing me to slink further and further away.

"I would be most appreciative if you refrained from interfering with our training." Wow lots of big words.

Then he left the door wide open. I waited for Tobi, and then I closed it with a sigh before retreating to the living room with him hot on my heels.

"Truth or dare Rachel-chan?" I sat down on the floor Indian style and looked at the Tobi who sat directly beside me. "Um," Just then I heard some moans.

I looked toward the couch and noticed my mom starting to wake up, "Hey mom!" She just saved my life. I swear. If I was made to answer that question I'd probably end up like that body, or worse. Although I will probably still end up that way considering the fact that I made Madara hug Pein-sama unwillingly.

She winced and sat up, rubbing her head.

"What happened?"

I stood up, as to block her vision from the bloody table, and placed my hands on her shoulders.

"You should probably go upstairs 'till I…clean up the…V8 juice on the table." Oh yeah. My lies are totally fortified and ninja-like.

"What? Oh my god," She got paler than her normally pale self, "There's a body in there!" I tried to block her vision put she was taller, and apparently stronger. So she shoved past me and ran toward the table.

"W-where'd it go?"

I knew this was no time to joke, but I was a terrible person. "I buried it in our backyard." She turned around and looked mortified, but then she narrowed her eyes. "Then why aren't you covered in dirt?" I shrugged, "Took a shower afterwards."

"Rachel," She tapped her foot, "I don't condone lying."

I sighed, because I've been around Sasori too long, and sat on the couch. "Want the truth? Or a nicer, fluffier version of the truth?" My mom stroked her imaginary beard in thought, "…The truth please."

"Well…Hidan sort of…sacrificed someone," Her eyes widened, "But its okay! Because it looked like a homeless man!" Her mouth opened in astonishment, "And I sort of had Zetsu…eat…the body."

"WHAT?"

I winced from the volume of her shout, "its okay! I mean…it's not, but…there's nothing we can do."

Really nothing was okay. It was the third day and already the Akatsuki members were offing people. There's absolutely nothing we can do about it either, unless we have a death wish.

"There're in our house, what do you mean 'there's nothing we can do'?" I shrugged, "All we can do is go with the flow. They're ninjas mom…really badass ones. If we so much as blink without their permission we'll be dead."

Okay so I exaggerated a bit, but it was true. Honestly, I don't know why they haven't killed us yet. Maybe they'll draw it out and make us think we get to live…but then they'll kill us in a gory fashion?

"Rachel-chan and Okasan won't be killed," I looked at the swirly faced liar, "Tobi wouldn't let you die." I looked down at the floor. My mom cooed at that, "Awe, thank you sweetie. Um…can you clean up the…mess…on the table please?" Tobi nodded and skipped off to the kitchen. I assume he was getting paper towels, but I don't know for sure; since I didn't follow him.

I should have though, and slapped him. He's got my mom wrapped around his finger. It's messed up, because she should remember me telling her about Tobi being Madara-sama!

"Rachel," Her voice was hushed, "I don't know what to do. I'm the mom but…I can't even protect you properly." She lifted my face up so our eyes met, "Don't think I didn't see you wince when you stood up."

I rubbed my stomach lightly, "What should we do?"

I had no answer. My mind was racing with similar questions. "I…I guess we should just keep them here? Contained in our house, y'know?"

She nodded, "Yeah…you said they're dangerous criminals. And now they've killed someone…I think I'll go talk to them. Where are they?" I told her and sat back down, wincing from the pressure on my stomach.

I watched her walk toward the glass door, and watched Tobi walk over and sit on the couch.

"Does it hurt Rachel-chan?" I avoided looking at the evil man beside me, "Yes."

He grabbed my arm, which hurt by the way, "Look at me Rachel-chan." I did, slowly, and stared at the red eye peering through his eyehole. It was eerie.

"Are you going to kill us?" I had to know. I hate not knowing things.

"Perhaps," Well if that's not vague I don't know what is.

"So…how's life?" I hate awkward silences. Well, at least it made him let go of my arm.

The TV clicked on; I guess Madara doesn't like silence either.

My mom came back into the room after a few minutes, "So Hidan agreed that he'd only kill animals for the time being." That's great news, well, not for the animals; but for the humans it is.

"Awesome," I leaned my head against Tobi's shoulder. This way my tummy gets the proper space to not be in pain, and I get to make Madara mad. I hope he's allergic to synthetic dreads. Hopefully it'll make his nose really runny, and then his eyes will hemorrhage blood! Kukukukukukukuku.

I have officially lost my mind.

"Rachel…honey…why are you laughing?" I stared at my mother with wide eyes, "I have no clue what you're talking about." She sighed. I simply smiled and snuggled into Tobi's shoulder. It was comfy. "I think you should take them out today…y'know…maybe for a stroll around the strip?" I shot off Tobi, which made my face contort in pain, "Why?"

My mom shot me a sympathetic look, "They're _your _Akatsuki members."

I do in fact own their souls, and bodies. I can finally make an Akatsuki orgy happen. I'll invite any willing fangirl I can, and then the Akatsuki will be powerless and perish.

Oh no, I'm laughing again.

"You should really stop talking in your mind," I stared at my mother in shock. Maybe she's a mind reader? If you're a mind reader; cough. My mom didn't, but Tobi (Madara) _did_. I stared at him in fear. He can read my thoughts. Tobi tilted his head to the side, "What's wrong Rachel-chan?"

"Stay out of my mind." Tobi laughed and hugged me, awkwardly I might add, and pretty much embedded his chin into the top of my head.

"U-hum," My mom cleared her throat with an aggravated look placed on her face.

"So," She gave me a strained smile, "Go out. Take them with you? Please?"

"Let me get this straight," I stared her down, "Hidan murders someone in our house, and your immediate response is…'Hey, let's go out on an adventure?'"

She half-smiled, "If there's nothing we can do then why not make the best of it?" She does have a point.

I frowned, "And what about people that look weird or…have masks?" I struggled against Tobi's bone crushing hug. He refused to release me though, and I had a feeling this was payback.

"Come on, you've seen the people on the strip! They'll fit right in!" Eh, as much as I hate to admit it; she's right. I mean, there's guys dressed up like Batman on the strip. I'm sure I could pass off the Akatsuki as Akatsuki cosplayers, or just foreign tourists.

"Yeah, you're…right," I frowned, and she jumped up, "Yay!"

I felt my eye twitch as she ran out of the room. I'll assume she went to tell the boys outside what the plans for today are. I doubt Pein-sama will be happy about that.

"Can you let go please?" I felt Tobi's arms tighten around my neck and I realized that Madara-sama came out to play. "Rachel-chan is being a bad girl," Now if we were doing BDSM, this would be awesome. Unfortunately, he was semi-choking me and I was not getting laid. And I don't have a choking fetish. Maybe I should develop a liking for it? Since Madara seems to like to choke me.

"A-am…I?"

I feel light headed again. I'm going to pass out someday, and then he'll have no excuse as to why. Then all will know that Tobi is a dick.

"Yes you are. Now, if you wish to be released, promise you will behave," He was basically whispering in my ear, which would be lovely if he was Wesker and we were making mini Wesker's.

"I…p-promise," I was released immediately, which was nice. I got to breath in lovely deep breathes. I never thought I'd appreciate breathing this much, but I do. "I think we should have a truce."

I was ignored of course.

"Where the fuck are we going?" I sighed when I saw the entire Akatsuki roam into the living room.

"The strip," I answered, "A lovely place filled with tourists, weirdoes, sluts, hotels, hookers, drug dealers, and a little theme park."

"Let's get going then! I hate being cooped up in this fucking house!" I resisted the urge to point out that it's only been three days.

"Well how're we arranging the seating? My car only seats five including me." I could always have people sit on others' laps, or I could put someone on the hood of the car. Perhaps I can put Madara in the trunk? I don't think he'll like that, but oh well.

"I guess I can drive a few of them in my car? And just drop them off? Maybe I'll even stay, I mean, I do need new shoes." You're so nice mom, but you don't need _another_ pair of shoes. You have a billion already.

"I guess that'll work. Can I at least pick who I want in my car?" My mom nodded and I thought it over in my head. "That's still only eight seats." My mom shrugged, "Then we'll just have to put four people in the back instead of three." I love my genius mother.

"Okay," I glanced at them all, "Sasori, Deidara, Konan, Pein-sama, and Tobi can ride with me."I'm keeping the best-behaved people with me, minus Tobi and Madara.

"That's fine with me," Wow Hidan didn't cuss. And what the hell? Is he_ staring_ at my mom's _ass_?

"You're so dead." I glared at him, but he shrugged it off, "Okay so everyone whose going with me; come on!" My mom and the five members I assigned to her to babysit went to the garage and into her car. "Okay," I smiled, "Let's get a move on!"

Then my little group went out to my lovely car.

"I guess Pein-sama can ride shotgun," He raised an eyebrow. "Since you're the leader and all…you can ride in the front seat. You'll be my co-pilot!" He nodded and got in.

We all got packed in, and that's when a bit of chaos erupted.

"Stop stepping on my foot Tobi, un!"

"Deidara-Sempai don't hit Tobi!"

"Shut up brat!"

I sighed and smacked my head on the steering wheel. I wonder if my mom's car is doing any better.

_POV –Third Person_

Staci pulled out of the garage and waited near the curb for her daughter.

"Get the fuck off me!"

"Stop being dramatic."

"Shut the fuck up Kakuzu!"

"Please shut up _**or I will eat you**_."

**To be continued…**

**Authoress' Note 2**

Ha-ha. Bit of a cliffhanger there. What will the Akatsuki get into on the Strip? Stay tuned to find out!

So there were some serious moments, and some not-so serious moments! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Review and let me know if you liked it, loved it, hated it (and why), etcetera.

Look for chapter 10 soon! : 3 Ah, I'm hitting double digits now. D:

Much love, D.


	10. Mall Madness!

A Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter Ten: Mall Madness!

**Authoress' Note**

Yay! I'm into the double digits now! :D

Once more thank you to anyone that reads, reviews, adds this to your favorites, alerts, and etcetera.

Much love, D.

**Disclaime****r**

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I **do** **not**, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

**Rating **

Rated T for language

**Warning! **

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be **A LOT** of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

* * *

><p><em><span>POV –First Person<span>_

"**BE QUIET**!" I'm surprised Konan can yell so loud. It made me wince. Everyone stared at her as if she were a newly discovered species. I just started clapping, "Bravo."

I stopped clapping when the attention was turned to me.

With a sigh I drove up beside my mother's scion and rolled down Pein-sama's window, "Where do you want to meet up at?" I think Pein-sama was kind of mad that I was screaming over him, but eh. My mom yelled out of her window, "How 'bout in the fashion show mall's parking lot? We'll meet there? Just call me when you're there!"

I gave her thumbs up and drove on my way.

Of course the silence was killing me, so I plugged in my I-phone and hit the magical shuffle button. It made for an interesting trip. Since every now and then Deidara and Sasori would argue about which song was better, and then Tobi would pop into the argument.

Tobi was nosy about the meanings of songs too; especially the perverted songs.

"What does shut up and swallow mean?" Immediately everyone looked at me. I could feel their eyes burning holes in my soul.

"When someone's giving someone else fellatio and they cum; then they're commanded to 'shut up' and 'swallow it'." I feel like a pervert. Well, I am a pervert so I guess its okay.

"So you must get around, yeah." I glanced over my shoulder to glare at Deidara, "And _you _must be a sheltered virgin, _yeah_." I like to be mean to Deidara. I haven't got to be fully rude to him lately though. I bet he feels neglected.

"You are both being childish," I like listening to the monotonous tone of Sasori's voice.

"Well _I am_ considered a child until eighteen; therefore _I'm_ just being normal. Deidei is being the childish one."

"Don't call me by that ridiculous name. I am Dei-da-ra. And I'm not being childish. You're being childish, un!" I glared at the road. "Stop being a baby Deidei-kun!" I'm going to annoy this blonde until he implodes.

Then I'll make Sasori clean up the mess.

"Deidei-sempai," I heard a familiar hyper voice sing, "Deidei-sempaaaaaii!"

**THWACK!**

"OW! What was that for Deidei-sempai?"

**THWACK!**

"Stop being a brat." I'm glad Sasori is back there to keep the peace

"But Danna -!"

"No buts."

I giggled quietly. They're so cute. I noticed a hot ginger staring at me. I raised an eyebrow, "What?" He sighed, "Why are you giggling to yourself?" I would rather not answer that.

"I'm giggling because I'm a girl, and sometimes I get the urge to giggle. This time I embraced it."

There, not an entire lie.

"Does Konan-san giggle too? Tobi is curious." I resisted the urge to slam my face in the steering wheel; since that would kill us all. Actually, that might not be a horrible idea.

"Don't ask stupid questions Tobi. Of course she does, yeah."

"What did you just say?" Her tone was ice cold. I think the whole temperature in here dropped to below zero. "I-I nothing un," So Deidara is a bit afraid of Konan. I will file that little tidbit of information into my secret vault.

"Are we there yet?" You did **not** just ask that.

"I'm not dignifying that with a response," In your swirly orange face!

"What is there to do at this…strip?" That makes me want to picture Sasori stripping. "Um…well, there are artists down there. There's people that dress up down there too, and lots of places to shop."

Oh how I love shopping. Well, not really, but I do enjoy spending money. I wish Kakuzu were in my car now. He could've been my BFF.

Oh well.

**TIME SKIP **

We finally got into the parking garage at the fashion show mall. I parked and dialed my mom, "Hey! Meet at the Apple store? Okay." My lovely group and I then went to wait for the elevator.

"What is this thing?"

"That's what she said," I stopped laughing when Pein-sama shot me a glare, "I-I mean…it's a magical mechanical contraption that gets you to and fro vertically." I have no clue how to explain an elevator, other than, 'horrifyingly closed-space death machine.'

The 'ding' sounded and we piled in. I hit the magic button and we began our trip.

"I'm feeling more and more thankful that I brought you five."

"Why is that?"

"Well Sasori-san, that is because none of you are fat. Actually, Deidei-kun is fat."

**SLAP!**

"Did you just slap me?" I glared at him with a hand against my burning cheek. He looked quite smug. I plan to wipe it off his face with a piece of sand paper.

We finally got out of the elevator, much to my relief, and immediately they all stopped to gauche at everything around them. It must have been overwhelming. I mean, first the buildings on the strip are huge, and now they're in the biggest mall in Vegas (in my opinion).

"Come on, you can stare when we get to the Apple store," with that I led my group of oddballs to our destination. Pein-sama was walking beside me, since he's the leader and he wanted to lead, but he can't since he doesn't know where to go. It makes perfect sense.

"Can Tobi get a green apple at the Apple store?" I just about fell to the floor in laughter, "No!" I stifled another burst of giggles, "The Apple store sells electronics like the laptop I have at home and this," I pulled out my I-Phone and showed them all.

"So it is a communication device?" I nodded, "We should obtain a few." Hell no. "They're really expensive so…no. Maybe I'll get you guy's pagers." Pagers are cheaper. I don't know where to buy them, but I'll get one per two people.

"Rachel!" My mom screamed and waved her hand at me. I sighed at her hyper demeanor and jogged up to her, "Hey mom."

"This place is very beautiful," I looked at Sasori weirdly. I've never considered this place 'beautiful' before.

"Eh, it's alright, yeah," Deidara received an emotionless glare. How? I don't know, but apparently Sasori can be emotionless and show emotion at the same time.

"So what is our reason for being here?" Apparently Pein-sama doesn't have a single spontaneous bone in his body.

"I'm here for shoes," Oh. So this was my mom's plan the entire time. Well, I knew she wanted shoes, but still. I can act surprised even if I already knew it was happening.

"I'm here for…money?"

Kakuzu looked at me, "Where is the money?"

I shrugged, "Outside."

"Let's go then," He started to walk off in a random direction, "Wait!" He stopped, "You don't know where you are. You can't just wander, aimlessly." I swear I saw him roll his eyes at me, but at least he stayed still.

I noticed there were quite a few people were walking by and staring intently at the Akatsuki; especially Zetsu, Kisame, and Kakuzu.

One person even did the nice guy pose and screamed, "Great cosplays!" Well, they do look exactly how they look in the anime/manga, but they are wearing normal clothes. So I suppose it'd be casual cosplay.

"What the fuck did you just –" I covered Hidan's mouth with my hand, which was incredibly hard; he's like he friendly giant, minus the friendly part. I laughed nervously as even more people stared at our strange little group.

"Ow!" I cradled my hand against my chest, "You asshole! You_ bit_ me!"

"You had your fuckin' hand on my mouth, bitch!" I glared at him, "Because we don't need to get into any fights in the mall. So stop fuckin' cussing and yelling!"

I swear if my mother hadn't stepped in between us I would've launched myself at that Jashinist and scratched his eyes out.

"You both need to shut the fuck up before I go medieval on your asses!" I just shrunk behind Itachi. Until I realized who it was, then I shrunk behind Zetsu. He will either protect me, or eat me; hopefully in the good way.

"Now," My mom smiled as if she hadn't_ just_ screamed in a crowded mall, "Konan can come with me, and you can babysit everyone else!" I just stared at her with my mouth gapping open. I bet I looked like a goldfish.

"You can't just leave me with all the men!" This has to be child abuse or something.

"Well Konan needs some girl stuff and I figured since you _love_ hot guys you'd be fine babysitting them," She smiled an evil smile. She is on my hit list now.

I just frowned, "Okay then."

Not like I have a lot of options right now.

Once Konan and my mother were out of sight I decided to set up some ground rules. "So if anyone asks about your appearance, just say you're cosplayers. And that your names are 'confidential'." I looked around and noticed the large amount of women eyeing them, "If girls try to ask you out, just say you're gay, or in Pein-sama's case: you have a girlfriend. Unless the girl is cute, then you can give her phone number to _me_."

I was only half-joking about that last part.

Some of the guys seemed kind of pissed off about the 'gay' comment. I don't see why. It's a perfectly good explanation.

Then I thought of something to make my favorite blonde mad, "In your case I'd say turn the guys away unless you swing that way." I could pretty much see the anime vein pulsating on his head. His eyes narrowed in anger, "What does the mean, hmm?"

"I think you know. Unless you're stupid of course," He growled and clenched his fists. I sure hope he doesn't attempt to punch me; although I would definitely deserve it.

"Do not cause a scene," I practically jumped in the air when I heard _him_ speak. Itachi never talks. It's like he's taken a vow of silence, but here he is; speaking.

"You just _spoke_!" I'm rude. I both screamed that really loud, _and _I pointed.

He just uttered his, "Hn," and turned away.

I sighed and smiled like a Cheshire cat, "Come on!" I grabbed Kisame's hand and began to run toward the Apple store we were standing in front of.

Kisame is of course a boulder, so I had to beg him to come.

"Please hurry up Kisame!" Then I received a flick in my forehead, "Kisame-_san_." I glared at my assaulter. "Sasori-_san_, do I _have to_ use honorifics _all the time_?" I received a nod. I'm going to rape that redhead with a knife.

I released Kisame and continued on my way to a big Mac computer.

"Everyone get into formation!" They just gave me blank looks.

I sighed and moved them all into the proper places, "Stay there and smile." I knew _none _of them would listen to the smile part, but eh.

The magic button was clicked, and the countdown commenced.

"What was that, hmm?" I smiled, "It's a camera. It takes your picture. We're going to take pictures so I can email them to myself." Pein-sama raised an eyebrow, "Is that truly wise?" I shrugged, "Probably not, but its okay. I'm only keeping the pictures for my own amusement."

That was a lie. I fully intended to upload them to Facebook later; if I remembered.

**MINI TIME SKIP**

So after taking a dozen more pictures and emailing them to myself we traveled to my favorite store.

"What the fuck is this place?" A lot of parents shot him glares while maneuvering their children away from our group. "This is the magical store known as '_Build-a-Bear_'," I scanned all the possible animals I could make.

"Tch. You are a kid, yeah." I picked up a bear and threw it in Deidara's face. He caught it with a glare, "I am a ninja." I mocked him, "I am a ninja." He threw it back at me, but I'm no ninja, so it hit me right in the face…when my mouth was open.

I got a mouth full of fur.

"Hey if you throw anymore toys I'm calling security!"

"We'll throw whatever the fuck we want, you cocksucker!"

"I wish you wouldn't cause a scene. _**It's grating on my nerves**_."

I smiled nervously at Zetsu and turned toward Hidan, "Please be quiet."

I apologized to the poor employee, and then it was onward to another adventure.

We headed toward _Hot Topic_, my second favorite store.

"Now this place is fucking great," I smiled in victory. Finally a place he likes.

"Tobi wants this!" I looked at the jacket in his arms, then at the price tag, and sighed, "I'm not buying you an eighty dollar coat. It's hot here, you don't need it." His head sunk low. It was almost a sad sight; _almost_.

"Can I get these, yeah?" I looked at the fingerless gloves and then at his hands. I could see their pink tongues licking the gloves. It gave me Goosebumps. "I want hand mouths," He stared at me strangely, "Just imagine all the dirty things I could do with them." His eye twitched, and _I swear_ I saw a blush appear across his cheeks.

"T-that's not what they're there for, un!" I giggled at his flushed face.

I grabbed the gloves from his hands and proceeded to go to the cash register. I paid for them and collected the other Akatsuki members, and technically one subordinate.

"Here," I gave the bag to Deidara. He promptly took the gloves out and tossed the bag on the floor. I sighed at his carelessness. I picked up his trash and threw it away muttering, "Litter bug."

Once I got back to the group I noticed something, "Hidan…san," I corrected myself when I encountered a Sasori glare.

"Where did you get that?" He didn't have a Jashin pendant before.

"From that store we just left. Don't be a stupid bitch," I ignored the 'stupid bitch' comment and sighed, "You_ stole_ it?"

"Well I sure as hell didn't pay for it."

My frown intensified, "You can't do that here!" I was of course ignored, but its okay. Stealing isn't as bad as mass murder.

At least in my mind it isn't.

"Let's go in there," I turned and stared with an open mouth. Of course Kisame would suggest _Victoria's Secret_. "Hell yeah," I was mortified in seeing Hidan, Kisame, Tobi, _and _Deidara go inside.

"Come back here!" I was promptly ignored, no surprise there.

Well time to turn to drastic measures, "You three go get your partners!" Pein-sama decided he wanted a rest, so he went and sat down on a bench next to the store. Zetsu remained standing beside Pein-sama.

Sasori and Kakuzu wasted no time in going after their partners though. Itachi, however, remained planted in place.

"Itachi-san," I poked his arm, "Go after Kisame-san."

He remained motionless. So I sighed and grabbed his arm with a wince. I was mentally chanting, 'stay strong, stay strong. You can do this, you can do this.'

"Let's go Itachi-san," I pretty much dragged him inside (**1**). He sort of let me though, I mean, without him letting me pull him I never would've got him to move an inch.

I continued pulling Itachi like a wagon when suddenly I heard a scream come from the fitting rooms. I winced and began running.

"Hidan," I gasped. He was peeping on girls from the bottom of the rooms. I released Itachi and slapped the back of his head. "Get the fuck up and stop that," luckily Kakuzu showed up to drag (and nag) him before he could yell back at me.

I turned to the poor bra-clad woman, "Please excuse my…uncle. He's 'special' and doesn't understand a lot." She was actually a very nice woman, "Oh its okay. At least it was a hot man instead of a creepy old one."

I looked at her with wide eyes. That was too much information.

"Okay…Let's go get Kisame," I nudged Itachi.

We began walking toward the panty section, where we spotted a familiar blue man. "You get him," I looked around, "I'll find Tobi!"

It didn't take long for me to find him…groping a bra wearing manikin. "Stop doing that," I practically hissed at him. He just continued to grope. My eye twitched, "Tobi!" He turned toward me, "What Rachel-chan?" I sighed.

"Let's leave?" He stomped his foot, "but Tobi wants to stay here!"

We are not going to start this.

"Tobi…come here, **now**!" I pointed to the flooring beside me. He simply crossed his arms and yelled, "No!" I mock gasped, "Tobi…you're being a bad boy…and bad boys don't get toys, or candy!"

Well, that worked.

He ran and tackled me, "Tobi is sorry!" I gasped in pain. I still have a major bruise, and he _knows_ that; bastard.

"Tobi," Wow. Itachi is saving me today? "We have to go now." I was released and pushed myself off the ground with a wince, "Ow."

"Thank you Itachi-san," I even bowed a little. Hmm, maybe Itachi isn't so bad after all? I mean, he's still scary, just not as much.

We three walked out of the store to see our whole group was there, minus the two other women. I decided to see what they were up to.

_To: Mom_

_Hey, where'd you and Konan go?_

_Want to meet up so we can walk the strip?_

_Xoxo_

I sat down on the floor in front of Zetsu.

It didn't take long for my mom to reply.

_From: Mom_

_Hey hun! Konan and I are in Nordstrom. We just got her some super cute clothes! I got two pairs of shoes too._

_Love you! _

I informed her that we'd be there soon and announced it to my group. Then we headed out.

**TIME SKIP **

"You have…five bags," I can't believe they bought so much. My mom smiled sheepishly, "There was a sale."

I frowned, "We aren't made of money you know." My mom hung her head, ashamed. I pet her head, "I forgive you." She swatted my hand away.

I moved over to Konan and whispered, "Did you get any cute 'outfits' for you know who?" She turned an adorable shade of pink, much to my amusement. I giggled, "You're so cute." She gave me a look that said, 'I am not. I am evil!' Konan is ninety-nine percent cute, and one percent evil.

"Let's put these in the car and start our trek to the miracle mile shops?" I nodded my head in approval to my mom's question.

**TIME SKIP **

"OMG IT'S ITACHI!"

I felt bad for the Akatsuki. They were being _swarmed_ by rabid fangirls (and fanboys). I just stayed by the sidelines with a look of shock on my faces.

"They accept tips!" I grinned at my mother. She comes up with _the _best ideas.

"Let the fuck go!"

"Release me, _**before I decide to snack on you**_."

"Stop that, un!"

I stifled a laugh as I watched them stand there awkwardly, accepting the fact that they couldn't kill anyone with so many witnesses around.

After a good hour of standing on the street and collecting free money (**2**), torturing the Akatsuki by allowing them to be hugged, and melting in the sun, we made our way to the miracle mile shops. We had a good two-hundred bucks on us; well, half on my mom, half on Kakuzu.

"So you're good at gambling, hmm?" My mom is beginning to sound like Deidara.

"Rae," She called to me, "I'm going to borrow Kakuzu for awhile."

I noticed that Sasori said nothing to her about the 'honorifics'. I gave him a horrified look, "What is wrong with you?" He raised an eyebrow, "She is not required to use honorifics." I frowned, "That's not fair!" He shrugged, "Life is not fair."

My frown turned into a glare.

"Let's go find Urban Outfitters," I always got lost in these shops; since it's in a big giant circle.

We wandered, passing the stripping food place. The same four perverts stopped to stare, except they were joined by a fifth; me. Actually, I'm pretty sure Zetsu is standing beside me, _drooling_. Of course, it could be my imagination. Oh, look. The hot redheaded dancer is wearing a black thong. She's also wearing a skimpy school girl outfit.

I'm so glad we decided to come here.

"I love redheads," I mumbled to myself while watching the hot redhead swing around the pole.

**JAB**

"Ow!" I glared at another hot redhead, "What was that for?" Sasori actually_ glared_ at me, "We have a schedule to keep."

I stuck my tongue out and began walking again. Sasori managed to get the other five perverts out of their dazes too.

_POV –Third Person _

**DING, DING, DING!**

"You won again!" Staci shouted in glee. Kakuzu simply smirked, "These machines are bit different than the ones in the hidden villages, but easy all the same." (**3**)

"You've doubled your money! We're _definitely_ heading to the poker table next," Staci was pumped. She'd never won at slots or card games before; at least, not won _this _much.

After a few more hours, Kakuzu had successfully won at slots, card games, roulette, and etcetera.

He held many large wads of cash by the time they decided to leave, "I texted Rae. She said we'll meet up near the exit." Kakuzu nodded and handed her one wad of cash, "What's this for?" She looked at him in confusion.

"For our expenses," She thanked him.

Then the two of them went to meet with their group.

**TIME SKIP **

_POV –First Person_

We finally got home in the late afternoon. I was completely exhausted. Not only that, but I didn't even get to buy anything for myself. That's just plain sad.

I looked around from my spot on the couch.

Kakuzu was counting all his money on the dining room table. I shivered, remembering the body that was there not too long ago.

Hidan was holding his pendant, mumbling something to Jashin-sama.

Itachi and Sasori were both reading books.

Tobi/Madara was…upstairs. I assume he's assaulting my poor laptop, since it's still in his procession.

Konan and Pein-sama were also upstairs…doing something; wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Zetsu was outback…_again_. He should really just be our gardener.

Kisame was watching _Transformers_, and he was eyeing _my _woman. I have claimed Meghan Fox. She is mine. How dare he ogle her?

Finally there was Deidara. He was not only watching TV, but playing with some of my sculpting clay. I didn't really sculpt, but I kept artsy stuff in my room in case I got the urge.

I yawned.

"I'm going to bed," I informed my mom. She nodded and blew me a kiss, "Love you honey." I told everyone downstairs, "Goodnight." All I received were nods of acknowledgment from Kakuzu, Deidara and Sasori. I was completely ignored by Hidan, and Itachi said, "Hn." Kisame was the only one who said goodnight back.

He's my new favorite.

I went up the stairs and into my bedroom. I changed into some pajamas and cuddled in my warm sheets. I went to sleep with a smile on my face that night. Maybe the Akatsuki aren't too bad.

**Das End**

* * *

><p><strong>Authoress' Note 2 <strong>

So I was contemplating starting up another story, but no worries! This one **will not** be abandoned. :D Just letting you know. So keep your eye out. ;)

Also, I'm sorry for all the 'Time skips' but if they weren't there, there'd be a lot of boring writing.

I added an Itachi moment so all you Itachi fangirls would be sated. Lol I'll try to keep the moments with Akatsuki members even.

And keep reviewing! I'm addicted to reviews. XD

PS. The Akatsuki** will** become kittens again, in the next chapter actually.

Much love, D.

**Other Notes**

1. ItachiProdigy suggested this. :D Thank you!

2. Suggested by .L (: Love you!

3. Suggested by XxDarkSarcasm1010xX =^_^= Thanks!


	11. Serious Matters

A Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter Eleven: Serious Matters

**Authoress' Note**

I apologize for delaying putting this chapter up too. I'm quite lazy, and I've been working on several other 'future stories' as well. I have nothing else to really to say…other than, thank you! :D Thanks to all readers, reviewers, etcetera.

Much love, D.

**Disclaime****r**

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I **do** **not**, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

**Rating **

Rated T for language

**Warning! **

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be **A LOT** of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

* * *

><p><em><span>POV –Third Person <span>_

"We have four more days," Madara Uchiha spoke to Pein and Konan.

"Zetsu has been searching for it," Pein looked out the window of his temporary room, "He has been unsuccessful thus far."

"Then aid him," His only visible eye wandered to the wall. "In the meantime, I'll ask the girl of Akatsuki's future." Behind his mask he smirked as he inwardly thought, '_Everything's going according to plan_.'

"Did you mean for us to be brought on her specific doorstep?" Konan spoke for the first time.

"No," He chuckled darkly, "but it seems that miscalculation worked out for the best."

**TIME SKIP **

"It's almost noon and that stupid bitch _is still_ asleep," Hidan glared up at the Rachel's bedroom door.

"Maybe you should wake her up then, hmm?" The glare was turned to Deidara, "Hey! It was just a suggestion!" A sigh could be heard coming from Sasori, who was currently sitting beside his partner.

"I suppose I will go wake her up then," He got up, slowly, and made his way up the stairs.

Deidara raised an eyebrow, "Why?" Sasori answered while he climbed up the stairs, "Before Staci-san left she requested her daughter be woken up by noon."

"Sasori-sempai is a good boy!"

Deidara glared at the energetic Tobi.

_POV – First Person_

"Wake up and get dressed," Who the hell is talking to me? Don't they realize I need as much beauty sleep as possible?

Suddenly I felt a gentle breeze.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I opened one eye, and saw Sasori; glaring at me, "Get. Up." I mumbled obscenities as I rolled on to my other side, "You're wearing my patience thin." I don't care. I need sleep: S-L-E-E-P. That bastard took my warm blanket.

"If you refuse to get up I will be forced to call Hidan-san," That sure as hell got me up.

I sighed and maneuvered around the hot redhead standing in my bedroom, "You can leave now. I promise I'll get dressed and come down stairs."

He gave me a hard stare, "You have ten minutes."

My jaw dropped, "Ten minutes? I'm a female, I need _at least_ forty-five!" Of course I was ignored, because I'm invisible evidently. "Ten minutes," He reminded me before shutting the door on his way out.

He's evil.

Well, I mean, I _knew_ he was evil. Just not to this intensity.

Long story short, I rushed around my room and threw on jeans and a t-shirt. I lacked shoes, because I reject shoes. Only cool kids reject shoes, like L.

Anyway, I grabbed a tote and filled it with some fun activities I thought the Akatsuki would enjoy. Then I ran downstairs. Well, I walked, and used the handrail. Otherwise I would've fallen and died. That would've made everyone, excluding the Akatsuki, sad.

"Yo," I waved to my children. Well, not my children; _yet_.

Kisame waved back, lazily, from his spot on the couch. Itachi, Kakuzu, Sasori, and Pein-sama ignored me. Konan nodded, Zetsu's white side kind of…smirked, Deidara glared, and Tobi hugged me. "Good morning Rachel-chan!"

I mumbled, "Good morning," in his chest.

"You two make me fuckin' sick." I pushed myself away from Tobi/Madara, and glared at the Jashinist. "Your face makes me sick," I love arguments. They make my world go round.

"When I get my hands on you –"

"Hidan," Pein-sama glared at him. I stuck my tongue out at Hidan and said, "Ha ha!"

"Girl," I stopped gloating, and proceeded to shrink behind Tobi/Madara. Pein-sama has to listen to the all powerful leader. Therefore I shall hide behind said leader, and be safe; even if I do hate him for assaulting me.

"Why is Rachel-chan hiding behind Tobi?"

"You're my human shield Tobi," I peered over his shoulder.

"Make me breakfast. I'm fucking hungry," I sighed. I hate cooking for myself, let alone ten other people, "Fine, but you're all getting scrambled eggs."

I heard the garage and waited for my mom. I saw her with her Big Gulp and sighed, "You're so addicted to caffeine." She smiled, "Good to see you up zombie." I narrowed my eyes and pointed to the kitchen, "Want to help me make breakfast?" She shrugged and said yes.

**TIME SKIP **

My mother and I fed everyone and cleaned up. Then we dragged ourselves into the living room to see what everyone was doing. My mom noticed something, "Where's Pein, Konan, and Tobi?" I looked around and indeed they were missing, along with another someone, "And where's Zetsu?"

Sasori sighed, and I corrected myself (while rolling my eyes), "Zetsu-_san_."

"They all left, yeah," Deidara answered me, "Leader-sama said they had important business to attend to, un." I sighed. That can't be good, "I sure hope they don't kill everybody in town."

My mom nodded while sitting on the couch.

I sat down beside her and stole the remote from Kisame's grasp. I clicked through the channels before I saw one of my favorite movies, "What the fuck is this?" I glanced at Hidan, "Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring."

"It looks stupid, like you." My eye twitched, but I remained calm.

"Stop antagonizing her Hidan," Itachi earns brownie points for that.

"Thank you Weasel-san," I slapped my hand over my mouth. I'm so dead for that. If he doesn't kill me, my best friend Gracie will. Somehow she'll know I said that, and I'll get slapped.

I risked a glance at the silent Uchiha. He had an emotionless face, but he did seem to be glaring in my direction. "I'm sorry, but _it is_ what your name means…" I was ignored, thankfully.

**MINI TIME SKIP**

Somewhere near the end of the movie I had a revelation.

"I'll be right back," I whispered to my mom. Although, with all the ninja's in the room, I'm sure they heard me too.

I went upstairs and into the forbidden room, making sure no one saw me, and shut the door silently.

"Now where could you be," I mumbled to myself.

The room itself was clean since Pein-sama, and recently Konan, have both been sleeping in here. The inflatable bed was made so perfectly I was starting to think Pein-sama was obsessive compulsive.

"A-ha," I smiled gleefully as I made my way over to the side of the bed. My laptop was laying there, it looked so alone and sad. So I picked it up and hugged it close to my chest.

I then made my way out the door, and into my bedroom.

I tried to turn the laptop on, but it was dead. I assume it's because Madara hadn't been charging it, not that he could; he didn't have the charger. So I plugged in the charger and turned on the laptop. I was curious as to what Mr. Madara had been looking at.

"…Great," I looked at the Narutopedia sight. It was the most recently viewed sight. Now he knows all the juicy details involving the Akatsuki, and the tailed beasts. Well, I think my usefulness just dropped down a few notches.

I sighed. Now I'll have to think of a plan B. Since plan A failed. Plan A being: Tell Madara Uchiha everything he wants to know and hopefully he won't kill me.

"Something troubling you Rachel-chan?"

I just about jumped out of my skin. My heart was erratic and my breathing was uneven. "How…How did you get in here?" I stared at Madara. He's like a ninja; wait, scratch that,_ he is_ a ninja.

"I…I was just going online. I haven't checked my Tinier Me account in a day," I enjoy lying. It makes me feel dangerous.

"Is that so?"

I'm going to get hit. I just know it, "Am I going to be punished?" I shook in fear. He chuckled, "I promise not to punish you if you behave, and answer a few questions." That can't be so bad. I mean, there's not much he doesn't know now. The internet's probably told him everything.

"Who dies first?"

That's confusing, "Don't you already know?"

**POW!**

My head whipped to the side, and a small trail of blood dripped from the side of my mouth. I really wish my canine teeth weren't so sharp. I also wish I hadn't bit down on my lip when he punched me.

I rubbed my cheek and looked at him.

"Don't ask stupid questions," There goes that glowing red eye again. I wiped the blood from my chin, and licked it. This way I won't lose blood. At least _in my mind_ that's how I thought.

"Sasori dies first," I answered finally.

"Tell me which members die." I looked at him oddly. He should know this. Wait…he does know this, but he's seeing if I'm going to be honest? Perhaps I'm looking too much into it though?

"Deidara, Kisame, Kakuzu, Pein-sama, Itachi… Hidan is incapacitated," I didn't want to tell him about Konan. He didn't need to know about her defecting. Although, I'm ninety-nine point nine percent sure he already knows.

"You will write down exactly how and when they die. Then you will slip the paper under Pein's door tonight," With that he just… disappeared. I mean, I'd seen him do his magical teleporting thing in the anime, but it was so much cooler in person.

Now I have an important mission. I grabbed a blank piece of paper and a pen, and began to write down the information. After writing down Deidara's death I froze.

Why will he do with this information?

Will it affect their world that he knows?

The answer to the latter was yes, I knew that. Honestly, it wouldn't affect me, but could I live with myself knowing I affected another world? Maybe I wouldn't have to though. Since Madara would probably kill me. As long as my mom isn't killed too, I'll be fine. Maybe I'll ask Itachi if he'll protect my mommy for me.

He_ is_ a good guy, albeit a frightening one.

"What should I do?" I asked myself out loud as I continued making the list.

I suppose I'll do what Madara told me to do.

I really am a coward, helping the most debatably evil guy in the whole-Naruto verse _just_ so my chances of death are slightly lower. Honestly though, either way, I'm screwed. If I help him, I'm possibly changing the ending of Naruto. If I don't help, I'll be murdered and he'll get the information online anyway.

See? It's a lose, lose situation.

**BZZ BUZZ**

I looked to my right to see a text from my mom.

_From: Mom_

_Hey, do you want din-din? We're ordering pizza, should get here in an hour. Xoxo._

I told her yeah, and that I'd be down soon. I finished up my list and shut down my laptop. Afterwards I left my room and slipped the note under Pein-sama's door with a frown.

As I made my way downstairs only one thought replayed in my mind, '_What have I done?_'

**To be continued…**

**Authoress' Note**

So things have become more serious, but have no fear! There will always be humor, perverted or not. Lol Does anyone object to the seriousness? Or do you encourage it?

Eh, sorry it's so short. I really wanted to give you readers something to read, even if it's short. The next chapter will be much longer, I promise.

Ps. Sorry I couldn't fit the Akatsuki turning into kittens into this chapter , So chapter 12, definitely!

Much love, D.


	12. Days go by

A Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter Twelve: Days go by

**Authoress' Note **

I write far too many Madara moments, but you know what? I think it goes with the whole flow of the story. That and I don't see many Madara-centric fics in the whole 'Akatsuki come to our world' storyline; which I find strange, because he's the all mighty leader. Anyway…ON WITH THE STORY!~

Much love, D.

**Disclaime****r**

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I **do** **not**, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

**Rating **

Rated T for language

**Warning! **

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be **A LOT** of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

* * *

><p><em><span>POV –First Person<span>_

"When will the fuckin' food get here?"

My mother and Sasori sighed in unison. It was incredibly creepy.

"An hour…probably an hour and a half," Pizza delivery people always took too long bringing food. It's always faster to pick it up yourself, but most people (like my mother and I) are far too lazy to drive to the pizza shop.

"Well I'm fuckin' starving!"

It was my turn to sigh, "Stop being a drama queen." Luckily I was safe from Hidan. My wonderful protector, Kisame, separated me from the mass murdering psycho.

My mom started flipping through the channels.

"Go back, un!" I rolled my eyes. It was some manly movie where explosions happened every three seconds, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I just prefer movies with storylines.

Just then I heard a door open. So naturally, I remained rooted to my seat, and struggled to look through walls.

"Welcome back Leader-sama," Thank you Sasori. Evidently I am _not_ a Hyuuga, therefore I _cannot _see through walls. Now I'm sad.

Pein-sama, Konan, and Tobi (insert shudder), came into the living room and sat down. I guess their food senses were tingling. That or they knew we were watching a manly movie; although I don't know why Konan would want to watch it.

"Tobi wants to sit next to Staci-san!" I glared at the swirly faced asshole. My mom giggled, "Of course you can sit beside me." I felt horribly jealous while I watched him snuggle up beside her.

"So what about our weapons," Kisame's eyes bore into the side of my head.

"Yeah mom," I shifted my eyes to my traitorous mom.

"I'll get the supplies tomorrow morning?" She answered as if it were a question. "Thank you," At least Kisame has manners. Everyone else was entranced by the television.

"Can you go get paper and pens? So everyone can specify what they need?"

I sighed, but got off my lazy ass.

First I made my way upstairs, and then I went into my room and grabbed the necessary supplies. Then I made my way back downstairs _very carefully_, since my arms were full.

I dumped everything on the dining room table.

"Hey!" Everyone glanced at me. So they acknowledged me, but weren't paying a hundred-percent attention to me. "Whenever you get the chance this evening, please draw and color what weapons you used to have or want. My mom will go shopping for supplies tomorrow morning, so yeah. And when you're done…just put the drawings over here."

I got two nods, and everyone else ignored my existence (as per usual).

**DING DONG**

"That was fast," I mumbled as I examined my nonexistent wrist watch.

"Record breaking time…forty-three minutes," My mom got up and grabbed money from her jean pocket. I walked and stood behind her (so I could grab pizza boxes).

**MINI TIME SKIP**

"How you all could eat six whole pizzas is beyond me," I made a disgusted face. Inside I was in awe though. "Good thing we got a discount." Seriously, these criminals are like bottomless pits.

"You're a fat baby beluga whale." I looked directly in Itachi's direction (**1**).

He raised an eyebrow. Kisame, on the other hand, glared. Well pardon me. I apologize profusely for dissing your man. Good thing Kisame isn't a mind reader.

…Or maybe he is?

At any rate, it is late, and Deidara is driving me mad.

"Why is your face red, hmm?" I shall rip out your bones and grind them into a tasty jam for my bread. "Deidei-chan," I glared, "Stop badgering me."

"Badgering? Is that even a word Sasori-no-Danna?" My eye twitched.

"Shut up," I whispered.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you," Deidara smirked. I glared, but he thought my poor attempt was comical. That was the final straw. I casually got up and grabbed my mom's glass off the table; Deidara was too busy laughing to notice. So I tossed it so the contents spilled onto Deidara.

**POOF!**

"Mew," He meowed with a look of anger on his cute little face. I grinned while putting the glass cup back onto the table. I picked up the clothing and threw it under the stairs. Why? I'm lazy, that's why.

"That was uncalled for," Sasori sounded like he was scolding me, "However, he was draining my patience." I picked up the blonde kitten by his neck skin, "Aw! Sasori-san doesn't like you either Babydoll!" Kisame snorted with laughter.

I sat back down and gave the kitten to a mutual enemy of mine and Deidara's, "Here Tobi! Play with the pretty kitten!" I'm pretty sure Deidara had a look of horror spread across his face at the mention of Tobi.

"Yay! Tobi gets to play with kitty Deidei-sempai!" I cracked a smile at Deidara's nickname coming out of Tobi's mouth.

"Well, I'm going to go to my lair," Not an actual lair, but sounds much cooler than, 'I'm going to my bedroom now'.

"Okay sweetie," With that final word from my mom I went upstairs.

_POV – Third Person_

After Rachel left from his vision, Kisame switched to a documentary on oceanography.

"This is fuckin' stupid," Hidan just couldn't refrain from yelling, could he?

"Then leave the room! This is very informative!"

"There's nowhere to go in this stupid fucking house!"

"Why don't you go sacrifice a rat?"

Hidan glared at Kakuzu with such intensity that Kakuzu should've burst into flames and had his ashes thrown in a garbage disposer.

"Go fuck yourself," Hidan stormed out of the house. "Wait!" Staci yelled in vain, "You…can't…leave." She fell back onto the couch with a sigh.

"Staci-san sounds tired," Tobi announced.

"I am Tobi," Staci frowned, "I am."

"Tobi thinks Staci-san should sleep then!" Staci nodded, and began making her way upstairs, "Goodnight Staci-san!" With a dismissive wave, Staci disappeared around the corner and into her bedroom.

"Here Sasori-sempai," Tobi tossed a traumatized Deidara into Sasori's lap. Then Tobi skipped upstairs and disappeared in the classroom. After slipping a note into Konan's hand, Pein also disappeared into the classroom.

Konan then left the house via the front door.

"I will request that you be turned back tomorrow morn," Sasori narrowed his eyes at the blonde kitten, "If you promise to behave."

_POV –First Person_

I held my cell phone in my hand as I texted away.

_To: Gracie_

_D: You should come over this week!_

While I waited for her reply I surfed the web. Mostly I remained on Tinier Me, buying my Selfy cute outfits and new stuff for her house. Then I felt the vibration of my phone alerting me.

_From: Gracie_

_HELLZ YEAH! :D _

_8 8 8 8 8 I'll bring my snowman army!_

I giggled and typed my reply.

_To: Gracie_

_How about tomorrow or Tuesday?_

Since Gracie came over so often (like once a week) and since my mother loved her, I never asked if it was a problem.

She replied to me saying that Tuesday would work best for her, around six. I told her there was something amazing waiting for her in my house (referring to Itachi), and kept asking me what it was.

Gracie is going to _freak out_ when she sees the Akatsuki. I'm sure she'll attempt to kidnap a few of the members too.

My boredom set in, so I closed down my laptop and turned on my DSi. I began harvesting crops in the ever so popular _Harvest Moon: Sunshine Islands_. The game was never ending, like all Harvest Moon games, and I loved it.

Surprisingly I received no visits from Madara, actually, it was more like; _thankfully_.

He was quickly rising on my 'Most Terrified of' list.

It was getting late, so I got into my pajamas and lay down. Afterwards I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

_POV –Third Person_

"Konan is retrieving it as we speak Madara-sama," Pein spoke as he sat on his inflatable bed (**2**).

"Hmm…" Madara began planning in his mind, '_To kill the girl, or not kill the girl…_'

"Perfect," he finally spoke up, "Make sure the rest of the Akatsuki are prepared to leave very soon."

**THE NEXT DAY **

Staci got up very early in the morning, at eight o'clock in the morning, and got ready for her mission: Mission gather supplies to make the Akatsuki non-lethal versions of their weapons.

"I took the liberty of drawing out all of our weapons, and coloring them in their perfect shade," Sasori handed Staci a stack of beautifully drawn pictures, which looked surprisingly like photos. She looked through them quickly, yet carefully.

"Wow," She exhaled, "You're a wonderful artist."

Sasori nodded, "Thank you."

With that, Staci left.

_POV –First Person_

I woke up and glanced at my phone, '10:06', "Ugh." I got out of bed and proceeded to put on a pair of shorts and a button up long-sleeved flannel top. No shoes for me.

After I finished getting dressed I left my room and went downstairs.

Once I was at the bottom of the steps a blonde kitten was held in my face. I frowned and grabbed the blonde kitty. I marched myself back upstairs and into my bathroom with Deidei safely in my arms, or at least, sort of safely; he was kind of dangling precariously over the railing.

Finally I got to my bathroom and started warming the water.

**POOF!**

A naked Deidara appeared in my arms after I hugged his wet kitty-self.

"This brings back memories," I released him.

"Of what, two days ago, hmm?" I narrowed my eyes, "Shut up." Then I noticed something, and my eyes wandered, "Like what you see, yeah." I left the room to retrieve a towel, which I promptly threw in his face.

"Get your own clothes, bitch."

Back downstairs I go. "You're the bitch, un!" I ignored his yell, and continued to the couch. I plopped down beside Sasori. "What're you watching?" I stared at the strange television show.

"I do not know," That's fantastic. "Then why are you watching it?"

Sasori shrugged.

"Well," I sighed, "Nice talking to you."

"Can you shut the fuck up?" I glared at Hidan and saw blood on his clothes, and that made me cringe. "Um…Why don't _you _shut the fuck up?" He flipped me off, "Why're you bloody?" I had to know, curiosity killed the cat and all that jazz.

"I sacrificed five animals to Jashin-sama."

**MINI TIME SKIP**

So, being the bad girl I am, I decided to not do school today. I waited for my mom to come home instead, and when she did, we got to work on everyone's weapons.

Seriously it took _FOREVER_.

I'm not very skillful with my hands or anything, and neither is my mom, so it was pretty eventful. Sasori and Kakuzu helped though. That's always a plus.

"I talked to…Phil…yesterday."

"How did that…go?" Like I've said before, I'm not too good with heartfelt conversation.

"He's still pissed. He threatened to call the police, but I think I got through to him. He said we can meet for lunch sometime this week," My mom still looked sad.

"Hopefully he'll get over the shock of the situation and you two will be a loving couple again," That's the extent of my girl talk.

**ANOTHER MINI TIME SKIP**

So after a few hours of making fake weapons, they were all finished.

"This isn't even sharp! How the fuck do you expect me to make sacrifices with this shitty, **obviously fake**, scythe!"

My mother and I both flinched at the tone of his voice.

"You should be more appreciative," Sasori glared at Hidan. He's like a protective mother hen, I swear.

Hidan ignored the redhead and looked as though he had an epiphany, "We can still use jutsu here." Jashin-sama, do not let him be able to do what I think he's going to do.

After a few hand signs, some creative Japanese words, and a glowing light, the scythe was magically sharp and made of metal, or at least, that's what it appeared to be made out of.

"This cannot be a good thing," I silently agree with my mom.

"Fuck yeah," Hidan got a scary grin on his face, before he began laughing like a complete sociopath. "Well," I announced, "I'm going to go do my schoolwork now!"

After sprinting up the stairs, in an attempt to be as far away from the weapon wielding lunatic downstairs, I made my way into my room and shut the door.

Then I got started on my favorite class –German.

Foreign languages were always more interesting to me, so I focused on them more than actual core classes. This was probably one of my downfalls.

**TIME SKIP **

"Need any…assistance?"

I sighed and glanced at the familiar masked figure, "Why can't someone nice like Kisame or Konan visit me?" I heard a chuckle and braced for pain, but none came.

"I just wanted to drop in and congratulate you. I assessed the paper you left, and it was superb," I nearly rolled my eyes at all the big words used in that sentence; although I have no clue why I had an urge to roll my eyes in the first place.

"Seems that you will not be killed after all," Somehow I can't believe him.

"Thanks…" I guess. That was rude, he teleported right when I thanked him. I stared at the spot he left, and brought my attention back to my laptop.

"I'll definitely need Gracie's expert advice on this," I mumbled to myself. In all honesty Gracie _will_ have to consult me on this matter.

Madara is a complete monster, and I'll need someone who knows what I'm dealing with to help me.

I mean, I could tell my mom, but then I'd be further endangering her.

_To: Mom_

_I'm skipping dinner. I'm going to do some extra schoolwork and then sleep._

I was actually going to do some research on Mr. Uchiha, and I don't mean Sasuke or Itachi. Those two are little angels compared to Madara.

Afterwards I went back onto my computer, and hours after that, I went to sleep.

'_Tomorrow will be a big day_,' I thought to myself.

**Das End**

**Authoress' Note 2**

Yeah, I kind of buzzed through Monday, but its okay, because Chapter 13 will include _a lot_ of stuff. Seriousness will take a turn for the _more _serious; if that's possible.

Just warning everyone, this story _is_ coming to its end. Lol I don't want it to get too long. However, I kind of want to make a sequel to this story.

Random Thought: The only person that's ever in Rachel's room (beside herself) is Madara.

I'm super excited for X-Men: First Class. :D It makes me want to write an X-Men fanfiction.

Much love, D.

**Other Notes**

1. My bestie Gracie and I have this ongoing joke where I'll call Itachi (her man) fat, and she'll reputedly say he's not. The discussion gets pretty heated.

2. That mental image –of Pein-sama sitting on a blow up bed – makes me giggle like a madwoman.


	13. A New Face

A Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter Thirteen: A New Face

**Authoress' Note **

Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up, but I wanted it to be perfect! That and it's nearly the end of school. So I've been cramming information into my head, and getting missing work turned in. Anyway, enough of my boring personal life, on to the story!

Much love, D.

**Disclaime****r**

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I **do** **not**, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

**Rating **

Rated T for language

**Warning! **

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be **A LOT** of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

* * *

><p><em><span>POV –First Person <span>_

I woke up, stretched, and glanced at my phone. '12:06p.m.' it read in bold white print.

"Six hours," and my countdown began.

After changing into some cargo pants and a tank top, I put my phone in my pocket, and went downstairs. I smelt something cinnamon-like.

"Why does _she_ get to sleep in, and_ I'm_ always up at the crack of fuckin' dawn?"

"I don't know, but aren't you immortal? Seems to me like you wouldn't need sleep," I can't keep my mouth shut apparently.

"Listen hear you stupid fuckin' bitch –"

"BREAKFAST TIME!"

My mother is my savior. She's going to get an amazing gift for Christmas, like a golden toilet. Perhaps even a golden tub? I don't know. I have no clue how I will find though things, but I'll try my best.

Anyway, Hidan fled the room and got himself some food, and I followed soon after.

"Mm…cinnamon rolls," I was pretty much drooling at the delicious warm pastries (**1**).

"Here," My mom gave me a mini plate with two,_ and_ the icing cup. I love her. "I love you," I informed her aloud. "Love you too baby bear," I ignored the 'baby bear' comment and drifted into the living room and onto the couch.

**MINI TIME SKIP**

So here we (meaning; my mother, the Akatsuki, and I) are watching a _House_ marathon. "Why aren't they using medical-ninjutsu, hmm?" I sighed, "Because it doesn't exist here."

"That sucks, un." I nodded. It sure does.

Boy I wish it were real.

**BZZ! **

_From: Gracie _

_Can I come at 5 instead?_

I told her that, yes, in fact she could. Now I was beyond stoked. So I glanced at the clock and sighed. It was only 1:30pm.

"What was that, hmm?" I smiled, "My cell phone… You guys are getting a surprise in three and a half hours."

My mom and Sasori raised an eyebrow. I don't think I'll ever get over their strange twin telepathy. I bet they're secretly related, which would be great. Then I'd be related to Sasori. He could be my uncle or something. Never mind, that would be creepy.

"What does this surprise…entail?" I glanced at the redhead, probably with a horrified expression.

"It entails a noun," I grinned, quite proud with myself.

He sighed, and went back to watching _House_.

"Fine," I huffed, "Ignore me." I glared at the side of his face. He completely ignored me, because he's a ninja and has the skills required for ignore-at-ion-ness. I don't know. I enjoy making up words in my mind.

"Wait a minute," I looked at my mom, who was staring at me as if I sprouted a third nose. "There are five trouble makers missing who _were _here during breakfast."

"I wouldn't call any of them trouble makers," She argued briefly, "but you're right. Where did they go?"

Of course she was answered, "They have…errands to run," by Sasori himself. Apparently my mother gets special treatment. I have no clue why, but I'm petitioning. I demand equal rights in this house!

Wait a minute, "Errands…?" I felt a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was the kind of feeling you get on a rollercoaster, just before you go over the edge and down. You get that adrenaline feeling, yet sometimes it's mixed with a foreboding feeling.

"What's wrong Rae?" My mom touched my shoulder, and squeezed slightly.

"N-nothing," I guess the worry was etched into my face. Moms are notorious for knowing their children's feelings perfectly. It wouldn't surprise me if my mom knew how I felt, or even _why_ I felt this way.

"Are you sure?" I guess eyes really were the windows to our souls, because I could see so many emotions in my mother's eyes. She looked worried herself, and…sad?

I nodded, and went back to watching the television.

"You two are just like fuckin' women," I clenched my fist at the sound of Hidan's voice. It was becoming quite irritation. "We _are_ women," My mom replied smartly.

"Yeah, but you act like_ bitches_. You both look like you're about to cry too," Hidan made a disgruntled face, showing his blatant disgust.

"We **aren't **going to cry," I glared at the silver haired man.

"Good, because the last thing I need are two over emotional women before we all –"

**SLAP!**

Kakuzu just backhanded his partner, hard. He just about flew across the room.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" He shouted while rubbing his bruised face. It was then that I noticed two trails of blood gushing out of his nostrils. "AH," My mom shouted, "Come with me before you bleed all over the place!" She grabbed his arm, like a good mother, and rushed him into the bathroom (I think).

Once that disaster was taken care of, I addressed the other issue at hand, "What was he about to say? Before you all…_what_, exactly?"

Kakuzu ignored me; instead he rubbed his knuckles as if to say, 'Damn that Jashinist's face is hard.'

Deidara was playing with his mouth hands, completely in his own world (or pretending to be).

Kisame was still enamored with _House_, oh wait, now the _Discovery Channel's_ on. So yeah, he's enamored with marine life.

Sasori actually looked at me though, in contemplation.

"**OW FUCK**!" I winced at how loud Hidan's voice was, even from the great distance between us.

"We…" Sasori trailed off. It was so strange. What could be so top secret that my mom and I couldn't know?

"We were never told if this was information was to be kept a secret, or if you and Staci-san were able to know…" So that explains a little bit, not really. "We were debriefed on our current situation last night. Leader-sama informed us that he and three Akatsuki members, including a subordinate, were searching for something that would bring us to our world. Originally he said it may have taken three to six months, but he has informed us that if they get the item today, that we will be able to leave within that hour."

Okay, that's a lot of information to take in.

"What it-?"

"You have said enough Sasori-san," Kakuzu's harsh voice brought Kisame and Deidara to attention. Though I'm certain they were eavesdropping. Well, not exactly eavesdropping, since this wasn't a private conversation. Also, they were still in the room.

I don't understand though.

What item? Is this some sort of ritual? How will they get back?

Most importantly…will what I have told Madara effect their world…? It shouldn't concern me, but I would feel horrible if he ended up ruling that whole universe because of my mistake.

"So he's all patched up…what did I miss?" My mom trotted in, not noticing the thick tension in the room. Hidan came in not long after her, "That shit fuckin' hurt like hell." I looked at my mom in confusion.

"I popped his nose back into place," She said as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"You're not a nurse," I spoke slowly. "Well I've seen a lot of movies where people pop in dislocated joints and noses, so I wanted to try it."

"Uh-huh…" I stared at her, giving her a look that said, 'You are insane'.

She sighed, "I only tried it on Hidan, because he's immortal. Anything I do to him couldn't_ kill_ him." Thank goodness for his immortality, although he'll probably need a nose job now.

His nose was inflamed, probably irritated, but it looked find; besides the giant bandage across the bridge that is.

"So really, what'd I miss?"

I didn't know whether to share it with my mother or not, but luckily I didn't have to decide.

Deidara told her what Sasori had said, albeit significantly shorter, and without the air of seriousness about him. My mom took it well. She looked at me, as if to silently inquire as to what the 'item' in question was.

I myself was highly curious.

**TIME SKIP **

It was three hours after the 'nose incident' when someone returned to the house.

Pein-sama and Konan came in. They didn't seem to be carrying anything though.

"Are Tobi, Zetsu, and Itachi still out there?" I whispered, though I was sure everyone in the room heard me. "Tobi and Zetsu are upstairs, Itachi is out." Konan was kind enough to elaborate.

I wonder where is Itachi is "out" at?

Oh hey, he just pranced through the door. Well, not _pranced_ per say. He elegantly glided across the room. Let's go with that.

"Hey, what's…up," I trailed off as I watched his whisper into Pein-sama's ear. Then they, including Konan, made their way upstairs.

"I feel so left out," My mom sighed.

"No kidding…talk about out of the loop."

Seriously, this is ridiculous. Is this how the rest of the Akatsuki feel?

"How can you all be fine with being left out? Does that not bother you?" I glanced at all five of them. Kakuzu shrugged, Sasori shook his head, and the last three voiced their opinions.

"Hells fuckin' yeah I do," Hidan ranted, "They always whisper shit that even _I_ can't hear, then they run off where not even _Jashin-sama_ knows(**2**)!"

The rant was shortly ended when Deidara decided to interrupt, "It makes me mad, un! I didn't even _want _to be in this damned organization, and now I have to deal with them **always **excluding me!"

Kisame then took over, "Itachi-san never tells me what they say either! And I thought we were partners!"

I felt bad for the criminals. It must suck being in an evil organization where you don't even know your overall goal. I'd hate to be left out; well _I do_ hate being left out.

**BUZZ**

_From: Gracie_

_Heeeere! Open your door!_

My somewhat down mood just lightened up. I felt so happy I skipped off to open the door.

I was soon hugged to death by my dear friend Gracie. She was squeezing the life out of me, "I missed you SO much Rachel!" I giggled and returned her hug of death & doom, "Missed you too Gracie!"

We released one another and I shut the door, allowing her to take in the six people currently inhabiting my living room.

"Hi Staci," She waved to my mom with a smile, before launching into a 'WTF' expression.

"There are Akatsuki cosplayers in your house," She stared at them with her mouth wide open, "Granted you're missing a few _**important**_ characters, and you don't have the proper attire, but I can definitely see it."

"Shut the fuck up you loud cunt (**3**)!"

"He's got the personality right too!" She pointed to Hidan with a grin.

"Stop fuckin' pointing at me before -"

I had to interrupt, "They aren't cosplayers." I looked her dead in the eye. We held eye contact for a total of five seconds before she burst out laughing.

"I'm serious!" She continued until she caught her breath, "O-Okay… you're hilarious, but Rae…I know these cosplayers may look convincing, but don't lose your head yet, k?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Tell her!" I pointed to her and yelled toward the Akatsuki.

"Tell her what, hmm?" She cooed, "Awww! He even uses Deidei-kun's speech impediment!" I nodded but addressed Deidei, "Tell her you're the real thing!"

"I am the real Deidara," He rolled his eyes, "and don't call me by that ridiculous name, yeah!"

With a sigh I looked at my mom with a pleading look, "Gracie…" My mom drew her attention, "**They are** the real thing."

Gracie smiled, "That's nice that you believe that too Staci, but that's just a little too crazy for me to believe, I mean…where's Itachi-kun? Pein-sama? Konan-chan? Madara-sama?"

"Ma- who, un?" Deidara raised an eyebrow, "She said…MY DONNA!" I laughed loudly and nervously, "Silly Gracie! Sasori's right there!" I pointed to the redhead who had a scowl.

"That's not what I -" I jabbed her with my finger and glared at her while spoke through my teeth, "_MY DONNA_ is over _THERE_!" I raised my eyebrows and pointed to my classroom with my eyes, which was really hard to do.

She seemed to get the hint and made a zipper like motion over her mouth with a wink.

"So we're pretending they don't know about you-know-who. Just like the manga."

I nodded, while Deidara looked completely confused, "You-know-who…?" Without missing a beat I replied, "V-O-L-D-E-M-O-R-T." I spelled out.

"Yeah, He-who-must-not-be-named for short, "Gracie supplied. "How is that shorter then you-know-who?"

"It just is," I waved off Sasori's question.

Inwardly I rewarded myself with brownie points for avoiding the whole 'Madara' slip.

I noticed a figure making his way down the stairs; it was Gracie's favorite weasel.

"Hey," I elbowed her.

She turned and her jaw just about hit the floor, "He's so…_**so perfect**_! You look just like Itachi-kun!" She shouted to him with her arms flailing about. It was cute.

Gracie was all smiles and looked like she was going to glomp him at any moment, but she restrained herself. I remember her telling me once that she'd be afraid to hug him because he's too beautiful or something like that.

Regardless, I was happy.

It would have been awkward to watch her rape him with everyone in the room, including my mom.

"So where'd the awesome cosplayers come from?"

I sighed, admitting defeat, "Japan."

She got a glint in her eye, "That means I can talk to them in Japanese!" I frowned, "Rub it in why don't you!" I didn't speak much Japanese beside 'How are you' and 'Hello', Gracie was pretty much fluent though.

I considered her trilingual; Spanish, Japanese, and English.

Poor me, I was only a bit bilingual. I must catch up.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

I blinked, "Oops. I spaced out, sorry!"

My mind is a dangerous place to be. I could get lost in here. There's so much extra junk lying around.

**POW, POW, POW **

I jumped at the sound of a fist hitting the door. My mom gave me a look, "Did you invite anyone else over?" I shook my head, "No."

She opened the door to see two familiar faces…

**To be continued…**

* * *

><p><strong>Authoress' Note 2<strong>

Cliffhanger

D: Le Gasp!

This fic is quickly approaching its end. It has exactly one more chapter, and maybe an epilogue.

Do any readers think this fic should have a sequel?

Maybe just a simple fic depicting 'deleted scenes' so to speak of things I couldn't fit into this particular story. i.e.; the Akatsuki, Rachel, and Gracie going to a convention.

Let me know in a review. I'm so tempted to do both, a "Series of Strange Events: Deleted Scenes" and a sequel! DX

Much love, D.

**Other Notes**

1. _Are_ cinnamon rolls pastries? I have no clue. So even if they aren't, now they are. I dub it so.

2. Yeah, I'm aware that sentence is slightly awkward. Originally it was going to be, "They run off to Jashin knows where!" But then I thought it'd be disrespectful to Jashin-sama, and didn't seem like something Hidan would exactly say.

3. I reserved the word 'cunt' specifically for you Gracie. Lol I love you!


	14. Saying Goodbye

A Series of Strange Events

By: Drixia

Chapter Fourteen: Saying Goodbye

**Authoress' Note**

I'm a horrible person because I delayed writing this. I apologize to readers/reviewers, but I've been busy with schoolwork. Y'know, since it's ending June 9th. Lol had to get all that missing/late work in. Anyway, on with the fic!

Much love, D.

**Disclaime****r**

Naruto & Naruto Shippuden © Masashi Kishimoto – Meaning I **do** **not**, nor will I ever, own the Akatsuki

Also, I don't own anything you recognize

**Rating **

Rated T for language

**Warning! **

This fanfiction may contain spoilers if you aren't up to date with the manga. Just letting you know. Um… also, there will probably be **A LOT** of perverted/crude/morbid humor. Since, I find that humor…humorous. There may be mentioning of yaoi and yuri. So, if you aren't okay with that… block it out of your mind? I won't heavily be delving into it though, just dabbing light sprinkles on it. This is making me hungry so… Enjoy! – D.

* * *

><p><em><span>POV –First Person <span>_

"…Dad?" I gasped, "Phillip?"

"What are you two doing here?" My mom stepped back, but maneuvered herself in the doorway slightly.

"Staci, Rae… Phil told me some guys were possibly holding you here against your will," My dad had on normal clothes, but I saw his hand on his gun, which was in his holster.

"No, no one's holding us here!" My mom glared at Phil, I could tell by her body language.

"Then explain why those…those men were in our house?" He looked mad. I could tell because he was taller than my mom, so I could see his face slowly turning red from anger.

"Calm down!" I pleaded, "They're my friends! You just overrated, like always!"

My face felt warm from anger now. I had my hands by my sides in fists. They were shaking from my irritation. "Shit just hit the fan," Gracie whispered basically into my ear.

"Well let me just meet them then," My dad tried to be diplomatic.

"This isn't your house you can't just…barge in!" My mom attempted to shove my father, since he was attempting to cross the threshold.

My eyes glanced over to the Akatsuki, who were just lounging on the couch, completely oblivious. Well, not all of them were. I saw Madara, Konan, and Pein upstairs. They were leaning over the banister slightly.

Hidan looked like he might get up and intervene, I prayed and hoped that he would just remain seated.

"What the fuck?" I heard my mom scream. I looked up in shock. Phil just picked my mother up and threw her onto his shoulder.

"Put my mom down!" My shout was in vain because they were already in the house, and the door was shut.

My mother was not so gracefully set down; instead she was pretty much body slammed into the floor. Gracie and I both gasped. We've never seen Phil just _throw_ someone, especially his supposed girlfriend, onto the floor.

I rushed by her side, "What the hell is wrong with you?" I glared up at Phil. He just ignored me and began questioning the Akatsuki.

"Who the** fuck** do you think you're doing _still _in _my _house?"

Pretty much everyone winced from how vocal Phil got. I'd never heard him yell this loud before, or look like he was about to murder someone.

"Calm down Phil," My dad tried to reason with him, "Let's just all be calm, and then we'll ask you a few –"

"Shut the fuck up! Who the hell do you think you are barking orders at us? Do you know who we are you fuckin' loud mouth pussy?"

I closed my eyes briefly, preparing for the arguments that I knew were coming.

"Please, if we could just talk this out like adults," My mom shifted beside me, standing. Her arms were out in front of her, in a defensive position, just in case.

I followed suit, but stayed a decent distance away from the war-zone.

"I don't know who you are, no, but I do know that I've never seen anyone that's looked like most of you before." Yeah, I highly doubt the LVPD get many guys that look like fish or plants in their cells.

"I think I believe you now," I glanced at Gracie, attempting to remove myself from the situation at hand.

"Why did you choose to believe now?" Not that it's really been that long, but still.

"Well one Itachi-kun is just too perfect to not be the real Itachi-kun," I watched as she stared dreamily at him for a few seconds, "And two…well, I doubt that weapon is fake." I was confused until I followed her line of vision.

Hidan was holding his scythe dangerously close to Phil.

"Put down the weapon!" My father whipped out his pistol within seconds. I sucked in a breath, feeling a familiar sense of fear in the pit of my stomach.

"Please…let's just calm down! Okay? Just everyone put down the weapons and…let's just…talk, okay?" I could hear the panic in my mother's voice.

Normally I would have tried to help with the situation, but I didn't want to put myself between a gun and a scythe.

"This is bad," I looked to see Gracie slowly inching behind Itachi, and I was half tempted to join her.

"I said put down the weapon, and don't come any closer!" Hidan had a twisted look on his face that made him seem insane. "Finally a sacrifice worthy of Jashin-sama," He looked from Phil to my dad.

In a flash he was behind my father, and before anyone could do anything; he stabbed him. All three long points stuck out from my father's midsection, up through his chest. Blood was dripping out of his mouth, and the same crimson liquid was gushing from his wounds.

The gun clanked onto the floor, and screaming could be heard.

I didn't realize that not only were my mother and Gracie screaming, but I was too. The sight was gory, and horrible. My heart felt like it was torn, but I couldn't drag my eyes away from my father. He was gasping for air, but none came.

Then in one swift movement, Hidan tossed his body to the side, as if he were nothing more than a bag of garbage.

The other Akatsuki members just smirked, or remained impassive.

I felt warm tears glide down my cheeks.

This caused Hidan to burst out into insane laughter, before Phil did something stupid. He slides onto the floor, covering himself in my father's blood, and grabbed the gun. Just as he fired it, Hidan swept his scythe across, slicing through Phil's chest and throat.

**BANG!**

The gun went off, but I couldn't see where the bullet went.

Blood spewed everywhere, onto the floor, Hidan, and Deidara. "Hey! You got blood in my hair, yeah!" It was then that I realized that maybe they weren't so okay now. They were murderers, psychopaths; and I didn't truly see that until now.

"Stop complaining about your fuckin' hair you prissy bitch!"

It would've been funny, but considering the circumstances, it was just plain cruel.

**Thu-Thump **

In my peripheral vision I saw someone fall to their knees, before landing face forward on the ground. I looked toward the body shakily, fearing the worse.

"M-mom…?" I felt more hot tears stream down my face, as well as my throat feel as though it was closing up. "No, no, no, no, no," I scrambled toward her, before flipping her over carefully.

Her hazel-green eyes were glazed over, staring up at me, unblinking. There was a small hole in her forehead, with fresh blood oozing.

"Why?" I whispered, holding her close to me.

This wasn't supposed to happen. **I** was supposed to die, **not **her!

"**I fucking hate you**!" I glared at Hidan, though my vision was blurred. He just laughed, "Awe, shut the fuck up you crybaby! Are you sad because mommy and daddy went bye-bye?" I blinked repeatedly, taking in sharp breaths. He was a sadistic asshole.

I felt an arm wrap around my midsection and I barely noticed who it was before burying my face into their shoulder. "Don't cry Rachel-chan," I stiffened immediately.

"Get away from her –," Gracie's voice cut off.

I looked up immediately, all the while attempting to get out of Madara's grasp. Itachi had his hand across Gracie's mouth, as he was restrained her with his other arm. She had tears in her eyes while she wrestled against his grip.

"Please let her go!" My plea was ignored as Madara rubbed my back, an action used by friends, and he was** not** my friend.

"Let her go, please! She didn't do anything wrong!" I was promptly shoved to the ground, before I was picked up and placed in the same position as my dear friend. Only I was held by a true monster, while Gracie was held by someone who may have done bad things, but surely he regretted them.

Everything I tried to say was muffled. I looked around the room, seeing Pein hold an open scroll. I wondered briefly if _that_ was what they had been searching for. It took the pain and fear away for a slight second, before the blood and bodies around me made me light headed.

"Shh Rachel-chan," There was a slight taunt in his voice, "Tobi promised you would live, didn't Tobi?" I felt a pang of guilt stab me in my heart. This was my entire fault. Phil…my father…my…mom…They were all dead because of me and my selfishness. And now Gracie was now in danger because of me. I thought this was all fun and games, and now I've gotten what I deserved.

"Bring the girl," I became more erratic and afraid as I saw Itachi bring Gracie toward the circle of men. All the Akatsuki members were in the circle, minus the bastard holding me behind.

No matter how much a thrashed, he wouldn't let go. In fact, his grip only tightened.

"We have obtained the information we needed. Now we will use this scroll to travel back to our world, where we will begin executing our newest plans."

"Why do we need this girl then, hmm?" I stared at Gracie. She looked just as terrified as I felt.

"Just as you need blood for a summoning, we need blood to travel back. However, due to how many of us there are, we will need to spill all of her blood."

I heard a slight scream from Gracie, and my heart sank. There was no escaping this, and it was my entire fault._ 'I shouldn't have brought you here,'_ my eyes lingered on hers. She didn't look angry as she should've been, instead she just looked…accepting.

I tried to stomp on, elbow, and head butt Madara, but nothing worked. He was too strong and too intelligent.

Pein threw the scroll down before nodding to Konan. She walked over to Itachi. He kicked the back of Gracie's knees, causing her to fall to them, just in front of the scroll.

More tears carelessly poured down, as I wailed from behind Madara's hand.

'_Please don't do this! Please just be a dream_!' I thought to myself, but I knew the truth: this was real, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

Konan locked eyes with me, though I couldn't tell what emotion lied behind hers.

Then, in one fluid movement, Konan grasped my best friend's hair and sliced her throat wide open. The blood fell on the scroll and Itachi released her. She fell on the scroll, attempting to close up her wounds with her hands, though it was in vain.

I felt horribly numb. The fear was gone, the sorrow was gone, and all my other emotions were gone.

A hollow chuckle sounded, and I felt a slight rumbling behind me, alerting me that Madara was still there.

I felt him release me, and walk to join the circle. Together they all preformed hand seals, though I couldn't tell which ones they were.

**POOF**!

And they were gone.

I crawled toward Gracie, moving my hand over her slit throat. I knew that what I was doing was only for my benefit. I rocked back and forth, sobs coming out occasionally.

Sirens could be heard in the distance, but I paid them no mind. All I could think of was saving her, saving my best friend.

**Das End**

**Authoress' Note 2**

So this is the last chapter! I will put up the epilogue within the hour.

Just to let everyone know, there will most likely be a sequel with an amazing twist! And more characters from Naruto will be included. ;)

And there will be a 'Deleted Scenes' fic filled with scenes that I couldn't fit into this fic without screwing up the storyline.

I'm so horrible for killing off my loved ones, but hey, this needed to be realistic.

Much love, D.


	15. Epilogue

Epilogue

"Eighteen year old Rachel O'Neill was convicted of murder just today. She has been sentenced to life in Elizabeth's Asylum for the Criminally Insane.

Rachel was found just last year in her home, cradling her friend, covered in blood.

The police and paramedics appeared at her home when a frantic nine-one-one call made from a neighbor, said they heard a gunshot and screaming coming from the O'Neill home.

Rachel O'Neill was convicted on four counts of murder; her mother, Staci O'Neill, her mother's boyfriend Phil Morris, her father, Kenny James, and her friend Grecia Morella.

Rachel pleaded guilty on all counts, saying the jury would, 'not believe the truth anyway'.

This is Andre Horton for Channel 5 News."

* * *

><p><strong>Authoress' Note<strong>

Yeah, I made the epilogue and final chap angsty, but that's okay. I intended them to be that way. Sorry if some of you didn't like it. I can't necessarily please everyone; although I do like to try.

On the Brightside, the sequel will be considerably more happy/exciting/etcetera. The '_A Series of Strange Events: Deleted Scenes'_ should be up shortly. That will not be necessarily coinciding with this fiction, but it will contain all the characters you love & the fic will contain lots of good old' fashion humor.

Also, if you have any Q's/suggestions/etcetera, feel free to PM me. I will reply.

Much love, D.


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